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Lost_Confused Offline
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I don't know if i can take this much longer.. - December 14th 2010, 01:27 AM

I can't take much more.
I'm alone, my "friends" don't ever notice anything's wrong with me. I get new friends, they aren't any better.
I feel ugly, used, and worn out.
My brain's like it's on "off" mode, i can't think, i can barely comprehend a sentence.
I bottle up everything, until i break down in the bathroom for like 10 minutes, and can hide all traces in about 2.
I just want to be truly loved, not told "I love you." and then just as i open my heart and start to love them back, they go and rip my heart out and stomp on it until it's flat. "Hey, here's your heart back, i'm done playing with it. " No wonder i'm such a bitch, jeez.
Hell no.
I want to be told i'm beautiful, and told by someone who truly means it.
Not just because they want to be nice, and because i tell someone i want to be told i'm beautiful. (This is the first time i've said so, so it's not like i go around saying "I wanna be called beautiful!")
I don't wanna be told that i'm pretty, or that my eyes are gorgeous. Even that barely ever happens. I want to be truly BEAUTIFUL.

I know it sounds like i'm just a whiny little girl who wants to be spoiled and pampered with someone to love me whom i love back, but i think it's about damn time i get some kind of pampering, because i've been working hard, and trying to effin' hard just to be what they want me to be.
Can't i just be myself, and not be cut down because of it?

I really want to walk down a few blocks late at night and jump in front of the train.
I just want to be loved for once in my life...

Last edited by Lost_Confused; December 14th 2010 at 01:57 AM.
   
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C.L.Hoyt Offline
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Re: I don't know if i can take this much longer.. - December 14th 2010, 01:54 AM

If you want to talk, you can talk to me and I can see what type of advice I can give you. I really want to help just give a chance.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lost_Confused Offline
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Re: I don't know if i can take this much longer.. - December 14th 2010, 01:58 AM

I'm just really sick and tired of all this crap.
I want everything to end, i just want peace.
I want love. I want someone that i can be close to, without them cutting my heart out.
I want a few things, but i doubt i'll ever get them.
   
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Re: I don't know if i can take this much longer.. - December 14th 2010, 03:05 AM

I know this seems entirely different from the concept that you're talking about, but friends that are really worth it- even friends on here (who are the best in the world I might add)- give the best love there is. And, in this situation, I immediately dub you my friend. Anyways yeah, forgive me if it seems like a creepy thing to do, but I went to your profile and have to say you are quite pretty (I know you said that's not what you're looking for, but I figured you should know). I also really understand the whole part with the guy, I really do. Sometimes you just want to scream for someone to give back when you sacrifice so much for others and you just want someone to notice what's wrong, but I promise you it'll all be alright in the end. No matter what anyone else gives or takes from you, you're still what you make of yourself and, from what I can gather, that's a pretty, selfless person. My only suggestion is that you go with the cliche and don't conform to what others want you to be like, that just results in finding the wrong guy who won't appreciate you for you and you being upset for having to do it. That being said, I still believe you can pull through and show all those jerks who've brought you down that you're you and are here to stay.

Feel free to PM if I can be of any help


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
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Lost_Confused Offline
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Re: I don't know if i can take this much longer.. - December 14th 2010, 05:58 PM

Yeah, well my friends aren't really "friends". They were at first, but now to them i'm just annoying and stupid. Thank you. Haha that whole beautiful thing was kinda my temper-tantrum, i got fed up. I guess i don't want to look beautiful (though that'd help xP), i want to BE beautiful, like my soul actually for once pure, if that's even possible. Which i kinda doubt it, but ya never know.

Yeah, i know, i've just been really, really lonely lately. I thought i was used to being lonely, (well, i was for a while...) but now it's like my hearts being ripped apart.
   
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