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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 23rd 2010, 10:50 PM

I'm not selfish enough to commit suicide and leave everyone to grieve what wasn't really much of a loss. I'm simply choosing to die. To close myself completely to every person, feeling, excperience...I will be breathing but not living. I tried this world, this life, this soul...none of it was any good. Sad that there's nothing else. This was my only chance at anything. I failed life and life failed me, so we are parting ways. My body will live. My mind, heart, and soul have quit.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 02:11 AM

Hey there,

I really wish you would reconsider. Instead of shutting yourself off from good things why not reach out for help? I know it might seem impossible now but you can get to a better place than all of this. Open up and reach out. Talk to your parents, another trusted adult and get help. In the end it will prove really beneficial.

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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 02:15 AM

As much as you brush it off because it's not suicide, this is honestly just as serious. To every life there is the physical being and the emotional being, and you really should address the emotional side of you. If there is anyone out there you trust, you must reach out to them, because you deserve to live as a whole being.
Good luck


   
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Smile Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 04:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blair View Post
I'm not selfish enough to commit suicide and leave everyone to grieve what wasn't really much of a loss. I'm simply choosing to die. To close myself completely to every person, feeling, excperience...I will be breathing but not living. I tried this world, this life, this soul...none of it was any good. Sad that there's nothing else. This was my only chance at anything. I failed life and life failed me, so we are parting ways. My body will live. My mind, heart, and soul have quit.
I feel the same exact way really do I'm like you wanting to hide from life

But I guess we have to put on a mask for others and then hide under the mask but only if we choose to , I know how it feels to want something out of life but in the end sometimes we don't get what we want or we get it but in a small form of negativity .so then we feel like a failure and not good enough that life won't matter won't ever get better , that it's not worth it to get up and try to hope again or to have that courage .Since we fear that it will get worse and we would be failed again.

But in order to truly feel fullfilled we have to let go of those fears and inseceruitys an
work to be confident and to make a commitment to positivity, to remind
ourselves there's always hope however bleak things seem ,that lessons come from negative or black times where there is tragic we learn to trust ourselves and gather strength from them in order to use and shape the best times or good days .

We always have things that make us feel inferior but it's our choice to ethier take control and do something about it and make things work out for the better or to give up and let it go past us hoping we wont be judged or hurt
again or mistreated or let down .

But don't give up and take control over the way you feel about those bleak an troubled days because how you choose to deal with it still impacts ethier negatively or positively.
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 06:23 AM

Don't close yourself off, what good will that do? The best thing you can do is to get help. I think things would really improve if you did but it is your choice to do so. I am not sure what it is that is happening in your life but I encourage you to never give up. Not now, not ever. Nobody ever said life will be easy. There are twists and turns and bumps in the road. Some more stressful than others. That is just how life is. We can all fight these things and overcome them though. We can all live to fight another day no matter what has happened in our lives.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 02:41 PM

CourageousSurvivor is right. Help is out there. I know its difficult to reach out, but isnt it better to try and get better than not to try? You could always talk to people on here if your feeling low. You can talk to me anytime.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 24th 2010, 04:08 PM

I can't keep going. I trust no one. I do not beleive life will improve.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 25th 2010, 06:53 AM

Perhaps your life up until now has been a living hell, lets face it, none of ours have been a walk in the park.

The only thing you should let die is your past, close that chapter on your life and start a new path.
   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 27th 2010, 06:11 PM

But the past informs the present. I know if I hold something in the air and then let go of it, it will drop. I know this not because I understand gravity (I don't) but because it's always happened before. So I know if I get my hopes up, am happy, or trust anyone, I will get hurt and it won't be worth it because that's always happened before


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 28th 2010, 02:10 AM

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But the past informs the present. I know if I hold something in the air and then let go of it, it will drop. I know this not because I understand gravity (I don't) but because it's always happened before. So I know if I get my hopes up, am happy, or trust anyone, I will get hurt and it won't be worth it because that's always happened before
The present is not written into stone. It can change at any time, the path to freedom lies in trusting others and getting help. We cannot achieve anything without people to help us. Maybe that person is a Spiritual Councilor, or a Therapist, or even friends.

There is light in the storm, no amount of darkness, hatred, or pain can ever put out the light of hope. Hope of a better tommorow, and a better future, all you need to do is look up.
   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 28th 2010, 04:27 AM

But you can't live your life in fear of something bad happening. Sure, life will never be perfect. Bad things do happen sometimes. I can understand why you don't want to trust anyone anymore because you have been hurt too many times by other people, but maybe the answer is to be careful and only put your trust in the people you truly think deserve it.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 28th 2010, 09:07 AM

Why you are so much disheartened? There are many things in the World that are left to explore. Do not get depressed instead of that try to reconcile your life. All the very best!
   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 30th 2010, 04:04 PM

You shouldn't block out the people in your life, the things in your life. You shouldn't block out anything in your life.

If you're going to remain here in body, you should remain here in soul and heart too. You deserve to give life more of a chance. A full, whole hearted chance. You can seek help if you want to, I'd suggest it because you seem pretty depressed. If you get therapy, you might be able to sort out some issues in your life and understand that there is always a bright side, you just have to keep an eye out for it and grasp it when you find it.

Please don't give up on yourself, you deserve to be happy, and to be happy, you have to find happiness, not give up on it <3


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 30th 2010, 08:54 PM

It doesn't matter if I'm happy, so long as everyone else thinks I'm happy. I'm done getting hurt and I'm not going to hurt anyone else by killing myself. So this is the only option.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 30th 2010, 11:29 PM

Why doesn't it matter that you are happy or not? I think it matters and I hardly know you. I don't see why it wouldn't.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 31st 2010, 02:29 AM

The thing is I'm not meant to be happy. I'm an amazing actress or liar depending on how you look at it and I can smile convincingly and be whatever anyone wants me to be. By playing whatever part the people I care about benifit from most, I can make other people happy. Their happiness matters to me more than mine


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 31st 2010, 04:39 AM

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The thing is I'm not meant to be happy. I'm an amazing actress or liar depending on how you look at it and I can smile convincingly and be whatever anyone wants me to be. By playing whatever part the people I care about benifit from most, I can make other people happy. Their happiness matters to me more than mine
Thats how I feel about my friends as well but that does not mean that you are not meant to be happy or don't deserve to be happy. Be proud to make your friends happy and do put them before yourself but not to the point where you feel like you are worthless and do not deserve anything. I also would not try to change yourself for other people. That isn't right and it is like wearing a mask. No one knows the real you. No one is friends with the real you. Why would that be any good?


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 31st 2010, 05:00 AM

It's a good thing that no one really knows me since I hate disappointing people. I don't mind wearing a mask if it's a mask everyone likes.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - December 31st 2010, 10:29 PM

But again, its not you. I think you'd be better off if people knew who you really were.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 1st 2011, 01:09 AM

Who I really am is a mess and I don't want to hurt anyone by bringing them into it


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 1st 2011, 07:39 AM

What is the use of them knowing someone who isn't really real? They are not really friends with YOU. They are friends with the person you pretend to be. I am sorry if that sounds a little harsh but its the truth. True friends will take you for who you are no matter what. They will stick by you when things are great and they will stick closer to you when things go wrong. If these friends of yours are true friends, they will understand and I doubt you will hurt them by showing your true self.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 1st 2011, 10:48 PM

They love "me". My mask has alot of people who care about her. If I got rid of her, she'd be missed and I'd have a LOT of explaining that I don't want to do


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 12:27 AM

Well it is your choice. But I think you are missing the happiness you could be having by doing this..I am staying out of it.


   
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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 12:42 AM

I appreciate the advice, but I couldn't be myself if I tried


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 02:00 AM

What are you afraid of if you were being yourself?? It seems to me like something's or someone is holding you back ...


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 05:40 AM

I'd just rather be how everyone wants me to be than how I am. Everytime I've been myself (and I chose those times very carefully) someone got hurt. I'm doing what's safest for me and easiest for everyone I love. It's not that I'm afraid, it's just that I'm doing what's best for myself


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 03:23 PM

Ohhhhh . How do you hurt others when yourself???


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 04:02 PM

I let people down and my problems make them unhappy because they feel sorry for me and can't fix anything.


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 04:20 PM

Ohh i c . i have that same promblem and its always hard on me. I normally keep everything inside so now i can see why you have chosen this road.
I have overly strict parents, they dont let me do anything . So if i can't do anything with my friends i'm basicially letting them down. I'm in highschool now and i need a social life but its hard. Whenever i hang out with them i just dont know what to say or how to act so i'm normally the quiet one.
I dont open up much to people either.
Blair, I can relate to you in some aspects but you still got to be postive, you got to fight what your feeling! and work towards what you want to achieve. I know its like really hard , i'm still trying to do it lol But yeaaa you know what i mean??

Sorry if i ranted a little bit. I get off stopic all the time !


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 2nd 2011, 04:34 PM

I get what you mean and I'm ADD so off topic isn't a problem =) doesn't it seem like what's best though?


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Re: Not killing myself. Just dying. - January 3rd 2011, 08:29 PM

In some ways yes, but you gotta fight it! (:
I like fights , but i get weak and get knocked down but you know what! I get back up and try again!
^^^
Maybe you should try it! It's a slow process but you can't stop responding to life! You'd be bored and even more miserable! Trust me i know lol!!!!!!

But i can see why it'd be easier though. You dont feel any pain at all, you're just there but not rreally there which would be wickedly awesome!!! lol sorry haah , uhmm yeaa i agree but just think it through is all i'm saying before you actally decide!


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