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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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My Writing... - December 29th 2010, 03:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know if this really belongs here, but here goes. I've been writing since I was a little girl, since I was about nine. Even though my writing has progressed a lot over the last decade, I notice that it still has a similar 'style', well, put it this way: it's all depressing!

It's like I'm incapable of writing something happy. Like, examples:

- When I was nine, I wrote a story about a girl who's mother abused her, she went to jail, her mother remarried, then her mother escaped from jail and tried to kidnap her half-sisters. This was actually a series that I started at nine and continued writing until I was fourteen. The little sisters end up to grow up to be whores...
- When I was eleven, I wrote a story about these girls who went to camp, their counselor did drugs, smoked, and attempted suicide.
- When I was twelve, I wrote a story about these twins who faked their own death for "April Fools."
- I wrote various stories about kids getting kidnapped.

Now, I look at my current stories:
- Parents end up dead, girl gets pregnant as a teenager and becomes an abusive mother.
- Dad's an alcoholic
- Kid ends up in a deathly car crash.
- Parents end up dead, the oldest child ends up getting custody of the younger siblings.
- Girl's boyfriend ends up getting killed in war, and she ends up falling in love with her boyfriend's brother.

I swear, it's impossible for me to write something 'happy.' I've even started thinking up stories where the character who I am based off ends up dead. I thought you were supposed to foresee yourself living "happily ever after."

Now, I don't consider myself suicidal. (I could never.) And I don't SH or anything like that. I think I take my depression out in my stories, through my subconscious; rather than on myself. Sometimes I wish my stories weren't so depressing, but that's just the way they are. I mean, how many nine year olds write about abuse? How many eleven year olds write about drugs and suicide?

Maybe it's because I've watched SVU since I was 11. Are there any other writers out there who just can't write "happy" thoughts? My friends and family ask to read my stories, but I'm almost afraid to let them read them. And they wonder why.


"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Writing... - December 29th 2010, 03:29 AM

Thats exactly how I am. I just cannot write anything happy. I write songs, along with stories and my vocal teacher asked to read some of my songs (shes really into christian music....) so i was like 'uhm....' aha.

Writing is definatley a way to express yourself and take out your emotions, so I can see how that works.

Law and Order could definatley have somthing todo with it though :} haha. Lovethat show<3


Unless you really have a problem with lack of happiness in your stories, theres nothing really wrong with it. Its a great outlet and Im sure your writing is fantastic. (:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: My Writing... - December 29th 2010, 04:39 AM

Yeah, that's how I am. Actually, my second visit to a therapist was because of a poetry assignment at school, in which I wrote primarily about self harm, depression, suicide, homicide, and abuse. It might just be because I'm never happy myself, so why would my writing be happy?

Hm... About your family and friends: Are they the type of people who worry about every little thing? If not, they probably wouldn't care if you just said that most of your inspiration comes from darker sources.



   
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Re: My Writing... - December 29th 2010, 09:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cola View Post
I don't know if this really belongs here, but here goes. I've been writing since I was a little girl, since I was about nine. Even though my writing has progressed a lot over the last decade, I notice that it still has a similar 'style', well, put it this way: it's all depressing!

It's like I'm incapable of writing something happy. Like, examples:

- When I was nine, I wrote a story about a girl who's mother abused her, she went to jail, her mother remarried, then her mother escaped from jail and tried to kidnap her half-sisters. This was actually a series that I started at nine and continued writing until I was fourteen. The little sisters end up to grow up to be whores...
- When I was eleven, I wrote a story about these girls who went to camp, their counselor did drugs, smoked, and attempted suicide.
- When I was twelve, I wrote a story about these twins who faked their own death for "April Fools."
- I wrote various stories about kids getting kidnapped.

Now, I look at my current stories:
- Parents end up dead, girl gets pregnant as a teenager and becomes an abusive mother.
- Dad's an alcoholic
- Kid ends up in a deathly car crash.
- Parents end up dead, the oldest child ends up getting custody of the younger siblings.
- Girl's boyfriend ends up getting killed in war, and she ends up falling in love with her boyfriend's brother.

I swear, it's impossible for me to write something 'happy.' I've even started thinking up stories where the character who I am based off ends up dead. I thought you were supposed to foresee yourself living "happily ever after."

Now, I don't consider myself suicidal. (I could never.) And I don't SH or anything like that. I think I take my depression out in my stories, through my subconscious; rather than on myself. Sometimes I wish my stories weren't so depressing, but that's just the way they are. I mean, how many nine year olds write about abuse? How many eleven year olds write about drugs and suicide?

Maybe it's because I've watched SVU since I was 11. Are there any other writers out there who just can't write "happy" thoughts? My friends and family ask to read my stories, but I'm almost afraid to let them read them. And they wonder why.
Well, for me it did at one point. I can't show you now as they're on a CD which is back at my condo. I'll show you it Sunday, soon as I get back.

Now, its not so much like that. For me, now and way back when, it was more Utopianistic or fantastical. I wanted to be in that place, even though I didn't want any of the conflicts happening to me I wanted what the climax and end of the stories brought. Sometimes it was historical, I liked to place myself in that time period, wishing I was living then.

That exists only within originals. Within fanfics, I am a little darker but not as much anymore. It's tough now I realize it, trying to put the main character of my fanfic into a certain situation. Granted they could be in one like I think of, but then I have to consider their reaction. That's why Mary Sues exists, I don't need to have to bore one to realize just how bad it is and that's why I don't do that with the characters. Making it go the way that is characteristic takes work and, well, to be honest that's just not my thing. I mean look at you, it took you 260K words to do that! :O

Anyways, back to point in hand, I have already expressed what I feel about that some time back to you on messenger. For you and, unfortunately, other children, that is 'normal'. Not the norm, but normal given their living environment and circumstances. For me, I was sheltered and that goes to show why my writings are the way they are.
   
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Re: My Writing... - December 30th 2010, 03:49 PM

You're not alone. The majority of my writings are pretty sombre and depressing too. I'm capable of writing happy stuff, but I've always been better at writing the sad stuff. It's ok though, its just your style. And at least it's a way for you to express your emotions through depressing stories. It's not a bad thing <3


PM me anytime, I love helping people and will do my best to help you <3


And if I bleed, I'll bleed knowing you don't care
~ Evanescence, Missing
   
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Re: My Writing... - December 31st 2010, 10:01 AM

this is not a critisism it is a complment you are the next Edgar Allen Poe i love Edgar Allen Poe please dont the this the wrong way


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Re: My Writing... - December 31st 2010, 11:05 PM

I write like that too and have since I was very young. I am not depressed, suicidal, or anything like that, that is just my writing style. I am a very serious writer and I can easily make people cry with my writing. My stuff is not full blown depressing, there are some very nice and upbeat parts. But there seems to be at least one death in all of them. But my goal with my writing is to try to make the story meaningful and have it be something people can relate to. A lot of mine are ether romances or stories about friendship. I incorporate lonliness in the friendship ones because they are based off my life as well. I kinda just rambled on about all this but anyhow, I don't think what you are doing is bad. Sometimes its hard to write strictly happy stuff. Strictly happy stuff isn't always that interesting ether.


   
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Re: My Writing... - January 1st 2011, 02:18 AM

There's a joke that all writers need prozack. As a screenwriter I tend towards darker characters, the closest I get to a "happy summer blockbuster" film has a self-defeating character as the lead. My girlfriend also writes a lot of 'sad' material. In college? That's all we write. Getting out, early twenties not much better - don't understand it... just a writer thing. Listen to music, hear those lyrics? Usually not happy/happy, look at films now - they've gone darker. See it as your age and the world we live in. Nothing messed up with you.


"Maybe I just like people. Maybe sexuality isn't one thing or the other. Maybe it's just something that's shifting and moving. I just know I'm not thinking man or woman."
- SHAMELESS.
   
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