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BlueWolf Offline
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Name: Jessica
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Not so Happy New Year - January 1st 2011, 04:34 AM

So... yet another new year spent alone. My mom has been asleep leaving the house silent with just me. the rest of my family is in another state spending it together. and of course i cant get a single person to answer their phone to wish them a happy new year. ive even sent out a few text messages, but only to get no response. i asked my boyfriend to call me, but i guess he is buisy with family. all i want is someone to talk to and say happy new years to, but no... i find myself alone and upset. to make matters worse i cant even go out anywhere because stupid me started back on medication and forgot that it makes me dizzy for the first few days that i am on it. so i am stuck at home alone. im just so sick of this. i know im not as important to my friends as i used to be. we are losing touch, and tonight is rubbing it in my face. all i want is a close friend, someone to talk to. i mean damn i cant even see fireworks from my house to cheer me up, and we do not have tv due to the fact that niether my mom or i have a job. the sound of the fireworks is teasing me. idk what to do anymore. lately ive been giving in to my depression side and turning into myself. on top of that the new semester is starting and i will be surrounded by people i cant stand. i wish i could go stay with my dad, but that is no longer an option. im afraid at this rate i will start hurting myself again, or even worse. i feel like control is slipping through
my fingers.

anyway... happy freakin new years everyone.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: Not so Happy New Year - January 1st 2011, 05:52 PM

Hey Jessica.

First of all, I want to say that if you're reading this, you should absolutely celebrate that victory. That means that you made it through New Years Eve onto 2011, and though it may have been a difficult night, you did it. And that's awesome. Stay strong, Jessica.

I think part of the reason why the holidays are so hard is because everyone feels like they're SUPPOSED to be happy - especially for New Years and Christmas. And when things don't go quite as well as everyone had hoped, it puts serious pressure on everyone..and that just causes worse feelings. So, know that you're not alone. The holidays are definitely a very difficult time for many. Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of To Write Love on Her Arms, actually wrote a blog post on this on Christmas day, and I'd like to share it with you; if you'd like to check it out, it can be found here. I hope that his words are able to speak to you and help you get through this.

I wish I had the right words to say to you about your family situation, but I don't - and I know that stinks. My own mom is actually in the psychiatric unit and will be for several more months, and let me tell you, I understand how difficult it is to not be able to spend holidays with those you love. However, it seems like your boyfriend, even though a family-oriented guy, stills loves you and cares about you (which is why you were hoping to be able to chat with him). Surround yourself with him and other friends... its okay to let yourself feel loved - you are. We weren't meant to do life alone.

Sending positive thoughts your way, Jessica!



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BlueWolf Offline
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Name: Jessica
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Re: Not so Happy New Year - January 1st 2011, 07:38 PM

Wow, thank you so much. Your message helped more than I thought a message ever could. I smiled while reading it. You were very kind and helpful and I want to thank you for that. The words you said were exactly what I wanted and needed to hear to make myself feel a little better.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom too. But I am a little relieved to know that I am not alone in this. I wish I could be around my family and without having that feeling of dread and worry that I'm not good enough for them. Then of course when I'm around my mom I just feel angry. I a lot of mixed emotions. As much as I would love to be around my friends, I'm loosing touch with them, all except my boyfriend, and yes he is family oriented, and I do actually like that. Its a good quality to have. I just wish I could be with him more, and knowing that I can't is difficult.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
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harley Offline
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Re: Not so Happy New Year - January 1st 2011, 08:36 PM

im glad you feel happier now if you need anyone to rant asr to talk to im here to lister/read lol you can pm me any time you want i hope i can help


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