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ac2 Offline
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Why do I even wake up anymore... - February 17th 2011, 11:04 PM

These past days, I have been wondering why I am even getting out of bed anymore. I try to be positive and do my work and put a smile on my face. And A lot of the time I can succeed, but I hate it. I hate everything about my life. My family is broken and I am a burden on them. My friends, I can't even talk to because they are too caught up in their own stuff and rather not hear about all my depression for the 30th time. I am away at school, a good school, but I feel like I am learning nearly nothing and I hate it.
School doesn't give me sense of satisfaction or reward. I don't get anything out of it except a stupid letter grade, which in turn doesn't give me disappointment or satisfaction whether I got an A or C-
I have no friends here. I try to join clubs, be part of groups, study with others, talk to people, but everyone is caught up in their fucking studies to even give two shits about anyone else but their fucking textbooks. This place is killing me. Yet I have no money to go anywhere else. I have tried therapy and still in it, I have tried groups, I have tried inpatient, I have tried medication. Nothing has worked.

I am losing hope.
maybe I should just disappear at this point. the only thing that ever let me wake up happy is my girlfriend and now that she is moving in with her new boyfriend, I am obsolete and she doesn't even text me or call. No one does. I want to shoot myself. Why is there so much pain in my heart. It isn't fair, I thought God wouldn't give me more than I can handle.

I think that is a lie. because I am falling apart. I can't go more than a few hours without crying.
I just wanted to be special. But I am nothing. I try to be nice and romantic and happy and show girls that I am interesting, exploring the city and having fun and making friends and she still rejects me. Am I a joke? What the fuck is going to happen I don't know what to do anymore...
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Veni Vidi Vici Offline
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Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: Vancouver

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Join Date: January 6th 2011

Re: Why do I even wake up anymore... - February 18th 2011, 06:48 AM

Hey, hang in there. There HAS to be people who are willing to be friends, maybe you're not looking in the right places.

Also, getting depressed is a part of life, everyone has their reasons. I know it can sometimes be hard to fight, but I just want you to understand that you're not the only one. It CAN be hard to overcome, but it's never impossible.

Your girlfriend probably just doesn't feel comfortable contacting her 'ex' anymore now that she has a new boyfriend and is moving in with him. Doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care. I would suggest trying to move on. After finding a few friends, try and get out there and see if there's other interesting girls out there. Remember, there's more fish in the sea!

It seems like you've tried the medical side to recovering from depression; why don't you try the more natural way? I suggest exercising regularly, especially when it's sunny (to stock up on vitamin D). Go to school dances, and parties. Just try and have a good time. You're grades still matter though!

Remember there's always going to be rejections, and adversity. People go through these patches regularly, you're not alone in this. Hang in there, you will overcome it, I promise!

Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
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anymore, wake

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