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Why bother - February 20th 2011, 04:32 PM

I don't know what I'm doing at the moment. I keep trying to stop SHing and just giving up. I feel so pathetic. Stupid things keep setting me off; I burst into tears in a maths lesson just because I didn't understand what the teacher was talking about. And my friends are just getting annoyed at me because I'm apparently not eating enough and I'm exercising too much. I keep wanting to avoid my best friend because whenever I see her she tells me how stupid I'm being, and I know she just doesn't understand but it hurts. It feels like I can't talk to anyone. A couple of my friends might understand, but they SH too and I know it upsets them when I do it and I don't want to hurt them. I just keep wondering why I still bother.
Why do I still keep doing my work at school? Why do I even get up in the morning? Why does it matter what everyone thinks? Why do I lie so hard to make people ignore the bloody scars?
I know I want a quick fix and that there isn't one, but I just don't understand why life is so important. Why should it mean anything? I just want it to be something I understand.
I went and waited outside the door of the school counsellor last week but she was busy. I gave her my name. I hadn't meant to do that. I just don't know what to expect and I don't know what I'm supposed to say and it makes me feel ill just thinking about it. It feels so surreal.
It just feels like giving up would solve nothing but keeping on going the way I am is... I donít know how long I can keep this up. I feel so fake and I just donít know where to turn.
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Join Date: January 27th 2011

Re: Why bother - February 20th 2011, 04:42 PM

youre not pathetic. giving up self harm is a really difficult thing and it might take a lot of trys, you just have to keep trying. maybe try talking to your friends again about what youre going through. there is a reason to live and get up in the morning you just have to work on finding that reason. it sounds like you could really benefit from talking to a counselor and dont be nervous about giving your name to the school counsleor and talking to her, she is there to help you, i was very nervous going to see a coinselor for the frist time and it ended up going really well. it sounds like we have some things in common. message me if you want to talk.

We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
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