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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
When is the future?
Jeez, get a life!
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Tired (Possibly triggering) - February 20th 2011, 11:51 PM

Right now, I just need a place to vent, and I really don't have anywhere else to do it. I feel so tired. When I go away for the weekends to be with my boyfriend, I feel happy, truly happy. He's my best friend, and it's such a change from how I feel during the interminably long weeks. But now even that's tainted because there has been so much shit going on lately with him. We'll be okay, but there is this underlying layer of sadness and fear that we won't be okay, that we won't make it. That no matter how much we love each other, it's not going to be enough to save us.

And then I come home to...this. My life. School, really. I go about my days doing school work and just being on the internet when I'm not in classes. I don't go to any clubs, don't have any friends there. Why bother at such a dinky university? I'm applying to go to a larger one, but now even that has little joy in it for me. Every time I sit down to write the essays, the words just don't seem to want to come together. I fear I'm not going to get in, and there goes my salvation, my ability to rise above this gray feeling that is my life.

Sure, I'm in therapy and we're working on my meds, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I thought the new anti depressant was helping but it doesn't seem to buoy my spirits enough. I see my psychiatrist in two weeks. I want to just say fuck it to all my homework. What would happen if I did? Would it really be the worst thing in the world? An "F" for Failure, because I feel like I'm failing at everything. I feel like a shadow that only comes to life around other people, but when I'm alone I fade back into nothingness. I come here and give people advice, and I feel it's one of the only places I am useful.

I keep on hurting myself. I know it shouldn't, that it just pushes all those dear to me away, but I've been doing it for six years so fuck all at this point. What else have I got? I've thought about overdosing on my meds, not to die, but just to jolt myself enough into awakening. I just want to feel something again.

Anything.

God somebody please help me.


Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


"A Million," by VNV Nation
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
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Re: Tired (Possibly triggering) - February 21st 2011, 01:22 AM

Hiya love,

I honestly don't know what to say. I suck with what to say at the best of times but I'm at such a low point myself at the moment. But I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I know what you mean about not feeling anything.

Pm if you ever want to chat hun.

xx

okay just realised how much of a sucky post that was. Guess I just wanted to say hi and let you know someone had read your post.

Last edited by tamz; February 21st 2011 at 01:23 AM. Reason: adding to post
   
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...Curt Offline
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Re: Tired (Possibly triggering) - February 21st 2011, 05:31 AM

Hey!

It's perfectly normal to be apprenhensive about a relationship. I mean there's absolutely no way to know whether one will last or fall apart, but I mean isn't that what makes it so special? Through the thick and thin really, huh?

I can't say things will be okay with your bf, because, quite frankly, I have no idea what's going on between you and him, but I mean, call me cliche, if things are meant to be they will be!

It seems like you are having trouble getting motivated your university work! It's perfectly understandable!

Maybe it's just not for you?

I don't know you and what you are interested in or what you want to pursue but if you aren't happy doing something, I wouldn't say you should persist doing it! Consider it anyways!

If you do like it, then maybe just look about different ways of doing it? I dunno, try something different.

I really hope things work out for you!
Take care!
   
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