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Ella.x Offline
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Is there any hope? - February 22nd 2011, 07:57 PM

Am I ever gonna get over this, or am I going to be stuck like this forever? when I'm not at work acting all peppy and happy to be a cashier I'm just this dead empty shell. I'm a shadow of my former self. I'm not sure if I can get my personality back. Is there any hope for me?
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 22nd 2011, 11:32 PM

Yes there is hope if you believe there is.
You should really talk to someone bout whats on your mind, you seem distracted and just lost . I'm here if you need to talk.


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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Re: Is there any hope? - February 22nd 2011, 11:51 PM

yes there is hope fot you. you just have to believe in it. happiness comes from with in. Love can be found in the center of non- violence. Dont fight it. enjoy what you have. things will come to you but only if you believe it
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 23rd 2011, 07:07 AM

I'm just feeling pretty deflated and disenchanted to be honest. I was brought up believing that I would go to uni like my brothers and my dad, that I wouldn't get myself stuck with rubbish qualifications and no job prospects like my mum and now I'm working 45 hours a week as a cashier just to pay my bills because I tried to kill myself last year at uni instead of revising for my exams and I can't afford to go back to college. It seems you only get one chance and I messed it up. I'm living the life that I vowed I never would.
I had an initial assessment with someone from my community mental health team about 3 weeks ago and they said they'd phone me in a couple of days to tell me what help I was gonna get. They never phoned me. I know it's stupid and pathetic, but it feels like everyone is against me.
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 23rd 2011, 01:32 PM

Don't worry .. The light is always found at the end of a tunnel


~ I am Lost Between Fighting and Giving Up ~

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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 12:56 AM

Yea that sounds pretty rough but i know you can get your life back on track. if you are really motivated and believe in yourself and put the past behind you, you can do anything. I hope the best for you. Keep me updated <3


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 07:34 AM

It's impossible to put the past behind me when it's the only reason I can't get the job I want. Because I have tried to kill myself 5 times in the last 2 years, I am considered too unstable to work with disabled adults. I have got years before I can apply for that job again, and that's only if I can be normal and stable during that time.

I wish it was as simple as just being motivated and believing in yourself, I really do. In all honesty, I think I'm past the point of no return. I'm never coming back so maybe I should just stop trying. I'm a complete loser and that's how it will always be. There's only one thing left to do now and I've never been able to do it right but I have to this time.
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 09:49 AM

Hi Ella,
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so much at the moment, it seems like things have been hard over the past few years. There is always hope though, and even thought it might not seem like it now, things can get better.
I think having an assessment with the community mental health team was a positive step in the right direction and I’m sorry to hear they never rung you back. Do you think you could try contacting them? It’s really important that you’re getting some support at the moment, you don’t have to go through everything on your own. There are lots of people out there who would want to help you so please try to reach out for help. How would you feel about talking to your doctor about how bad things are at the moment?
Maybe you could try making a list of all the things you want to do, or things that you want to change and try to come up with a solution or step forward for each point.
I hope things start to get better, keep fighting.
Vicky x



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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 10:30 AM

I don't have the phone number and I don't think I could ring them anyway. I don't want to annoy anyone. I went to my doctor yesterday to get my blood pressure meds changed and she saw fresh cuts on my arm and didn't say anything. I don't wanna be a burden and waste NHS resources that could be used to help people who can get better. I feel kind of like I'm already dead anyway. I have no personality anymore. I think it would be for the best if I died.
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 11:44 AM

Hi Ella,

You're not wasting their time by talking about it. My doctor often ignores cuts and scars on my arms because that's not why I'm there to see him. I guess he assumes if I wanted to talk about that, I would say something. Although that's not always the case, sometimes I do just want him to mention it. Maybe the nurse assumed the same with you? That you were there for the meds and that really it's none of her business if you sh.

Although it may not seem like it right now, you will get through this. I'm really struggling myself at the moment but as hard and unbelievable as it feels right now, I know we'll both get through this.

Pm me if you ever want to chat. xx
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 01:18 PM

Hi Ella
You definitely won't be annoying them by ringing ,that's what they're there for. There may be a reason why they haven't contacted you. Please think about ringing them.

Like Tamz has said, you won't be wasting your doctors time. Have you spoken to your doctor about anything similar before?

Things won't always be like this.



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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 01:42 PM

I was seeing a psychiatrist up until a few months ago and he put me on mood stabilisers and antidepressants and then took me off the mood stabilisers for some reason. But then I moved halfway across the country and I didn't start seeing a new psychiatrist here. I've been off my antidepressants for a couple of months now because I overdosed on them and then never bothered to get anymore.
I've just moved again so I have another new doctor and I don't know if she has my notes yet and I just don't have the energy to explain everything all over again. I'm sick of having to answer all the generic questions that they have to ask. It's so embarrassing to have to keep asking for help, when everyone's obviously just thinking that I'm a spoilt bratty teenager who's overreacting about everything.
   
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Re: Is there any hope? - February 24th 2011, 03:57 PM

I can understand that talking can be hard, and it might be hard to explain things to a new doctor. Your doctor is there to help you, but she can't do that unless you tell her what's going on. Your doctor may be able to refer you to another professional or talk to you about going back on antidepressants. If you think you'd find it easier then maybe you could try writing her a letter explaining how you're feeling and what's happened in the past?
You honestly have nothing to be embarassed about, and i don't think you're overreacting at all. Stay strong x



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