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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lovehatelife23 Offline
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Unhappy Feelin suicidal!!!! - February 25th 2011, 12:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Im so lost anymore. all ive been thinkin about for 3 months is suicide. ive tried planning it in my head to see how i would do it. I wanted to slice my arm wide opened where i would bleed to death or hang myself n before i would do it i would say GOODBYE n just let go. ive been thinkin of the devil n trying to put off God. Ive been cuttin sence 1 month ago. My parents have been mean to me. They wont listen to me. I cant tell them anything. My mom was being mean to me n making me feel bad bc of how she was never home.

I wanted to try to SCREAM out loud like Bloody Murder. I wanted to run in front of a movin car n get hit. I wanted to try to overdose on pills ( like tylnole)..ive been wanting to just get rid of myself n say goodbye. i wrote a suicide note before but i had to rip it up bc i didnt want anyone to see it till it was time for me to go. Ive tried suffecating myself with things or puttin things around my throut n tie it to something. ive had ways of thinkin to try to kill myself. but never went with it bc i was scared it might now work then im in BIG trouble. ever sence 2007 i was in bad shape. in n out of mental hospitals bc i was suicidal n stayed in one for 4 months bc i was givin hard time n being suicidal. I wanted to give up my life then but couldnt bc i was scared. I am always upset about everything like how my life is n How everyone treats me. The real reason why im so depressed is my Brother bc he ruined my life. well to tell the store is bc of i was adopted in 1995 i am 19 turnin 20 n still livin in my parents house but anyways my little brother but really hes my cousin but his mom couldnt take care of him n gave to my parents to take care of but when he lived here sence 2001 to 4ever he has tookin away my parents. Im trying to be at least a BIG sister but everyone just yells at me n tell me tat its not ur place to be doing tat. I was got on to myself bc im not who i want to be. I want to be livin on my own in a year from now n have a good paying job n have a kid n a husband who loves me the way i am n nothing else. But im so stressed here n no one wont help me. Im so lost all the time. everytime i get upset bc of something they did to me i either cut myself or bang my head against the wall really hard. i have a therapist to talk to but shes no help. she doesnt kno wat goes on here all the time. she doesnt know wat the stress here. no one knos how i really feel. n i cant tell them bc they wont listen. all the would say is Leslie it will get better or just get over it. ive been trying to get better every second of the day. I try to go day by day but its just not helping. I have good n bad days but the good days just end up turnin bad so its doesnt matter. I feel like puttin my self away or run away or SCREAM real loud till someone says r u alright. idk anymore. Im so depressed n if it doesnt get any better tat im just going to do it n get it over with n say GOODBYE! Im sry


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: Feelin suicidal!!!! - February 25th 2011, 01:13 AM

Leslie , i hate it when people tell me things are going to be ok and then their wrong, plus they dont know what you go through on a daily basis etc so they have nor right to say everything is going to be ok so i wont say it cause i know how it feels. But i do think your parents are being un-necessarily rude to you where you're just wanting to die because they are acting like you dont exists. Why are they so mean to you? I mean seriousely, if you were my child i'd still love you. I'm sure they still love you they're just caught up in the moment you know?
The thing i dont understand is why they dont let you be a big sister. I honestly dont see any promblem with it and i can see how it afects you. How does your little brother react to it?
And i know that feeling where you just think about suicide all day all night for a long amounts of time just waiting for someone to ask r u alright and then you just bursts. Sometimes people are ingnorant of other peoples feelings. Maybe you should just go see your school counselour, i mean if she's a good counselour or go to a favorite teacher. I'm also here if you need to talk. I'm fairly easy to talk to and i wont judge you no matter what <3
Pm me if you need anything.


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

'A dream is what you desire if anything and everything is possible.'
   
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Unhappy Re: Feelin suicidal!!!! - February 25th 2011, 02:35 AM

well bc im suppose to be a adult but i have a disorder. I am Fetal Alchol Syndrom n in my records they say when i was little i was always depressed bout something but they didnt kno wat. my dad n other poeple would tell me tat i was a basket case for some reason. I asked wat tat was n i was SHOCKED! bc i stated tellin myself tat they must think i should be in a mental hospital. Im 19 turnin 20 years old n i feel like my life is passin me bye. Ive been tellin people tat my Life has just went so fast n i cant see where it all went. but i was bad anyways. i dont really remember bout my life bc ive been so lost. when i was doing all tat stuff i feel like its going to affect me in anyway when i get older. I want to sometimes SCREAM bloody murder. I feel lost. I feel like its a possible to just get rid of myself bc no one would miss me. they r to stuck up in their world tat they dont have time for me. I want to make a dream n follow it. but feelin like this doesnt want me to. I used to be happy but then im not bc of how my life is. I told people tat my past HAUNTS me for some reason. I try not to thin bout it but it just keeps on comin back. for 3 months now ive been havin bad dreams im killin myself or runnin away or going back to a mental hospital or getting in to trouble. it would scare me. I would say tat i want to kill myself but i wouldnt go n do it bc i am scared tat it would go through n i would be in BIG trouble. If my parents found me dead or suffering bc ive done something to myself U know wat my mom would say? she would say She had a good life theres no reason why she would of killed herself. Life is always PEACHY its has its ups n downs. Today i wanted to do something either slice my arm wide open or go out in the garage n hang myself. all day ive been thinkin of ways of killin myself. i try to think of something else but keeps on comin back. Maybe i need just let go n say GOOD BYE! It didnt matter to me if i went to heaven or hell i just want to be done with this suffering. at nite sometimes i cant sleep bc it feels like someone or something is right there beside me n i didnt know if it was a angel or the devil. I dont know. I try to pray to God at nite but my misserys didnt go away. I would ask forgiviness for wat ive done ro something or try to ask for help or something. sometimes i would go down to the stores n there would be police officers i would be scared or wanting to tell them tat i was suicidal n let them take me away. my dad was tellin me tat when i was little tat the doctors was saying they would of put me somewhere for the rest of my life if i wasnt going to get better. I feel like im a failer. I feel like my life has no reason to live much longer. I feel like no one cares. Im losing it peice by peice day by day its just gettin worse. i dont know or how it will get better. but if it does tat would be a maricle.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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L.O.V.E. IS??
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Re: Feelin suicidal!!!! - February 25th 2011, 11:22 PM

I dont think you're a failure, you just need someone to pull you off of your feet and make you happy again. Your parents obviousely dont understand you. Nobody will miss you? You dont know that for a fact! What about your friends?
I know you feel worsts right now but you can get your life back on track. The only way you can be happy and make yourself happy is for you to decide on how you want to live your life. Your feelings affect the way your life goes. Right now you're feeling negative, very down, and worthless. You can change that, you have to want to change it. Sometimes you just gotta pull yourself out of that fucking trap and just make things happen the way you'd like it to. IN order to be happy you have to want it, really bad. Work on yourself for a while. Pick out things you like about yourself. They dont have to be big things. It can be 1 thing you like about yourself. And dont think negative when you're doing this. Thats the key. Its hard but put your mind somewhere else. Be carefree, acheive the things you want, nothing is impossible if you take the time and energy to pull yourself out of whatever you are going through. I'm here to support you and give you the best guidance i can. Just please try. I know you can do this!


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

'A dream is what you desire if anything and everything is possible.'
   
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Re: Feelin suicidal!!!! - February 28th 2011, 05:28 AM

I want say dat I understand wat ur going thru bc Im not der to endure ur evryday life but I know wat its like to have dat evryday silent scream. Da screams dat wants to be heard and say I'm here I exist and I wanna b heard n I need help. I thought about suicide evryday n it ruined da moments dat I live n but thinking about it evry min of da day I havent experienced so I know ur n a lot of pain. Waintin on dat moment for sum1 to ask me was I ok felt impossible n I couldnt wait ne longer n things got bad. So u should find sum1 2 talk to.... but I want to ask R U OK? PM me
   
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