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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
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Name: Jessi
Age: 28
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Location: Eastern Tennessee

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It's all hopeless. - February 25th 2011, 11:12 PM

I don't know exactly how to handle how I am feeling right now.

I have not been to therapy in over a month due to my busy schedule. I've been forgetting my medications. Combined with the stress that I've been under lately, I'm not surprised that old feelings have returned.

I currently work two part-time jobs, and attend school at a local community college. Still, I feel like a complete failure. I went to a four-year in the Fall semester, but after a self-harm incident and suicide attempt, I ended up living with my parents again...which is why I'm only at a community college at the moment. I can't seem to shake the feeling that I should be doing better. I've made a lot of progress as far as depression goes, but academically, I am not where I want to be. I'm SO scared that I'm going to end up broke like my parents, working minimum wage for the rest of my life, just struggling to survive.

I am with a great guy right now. We have a lot in common and have a lot of fun together. It's really difficult to open up to him about more serious things, though...and when I do, he doesn't tend to have a lot to say on the subject. Honestly, talking to him about my feelings when I'm low just makes me feel even more alone, more misunderstood.

I miss my ex like crazy. I loved him to pieces. I still cry some nights, just from missing him so much.

My dog, who I got when I was five years old, passed away a few days ago. I'm still pretty upset over that...I loved him SO much.

Basically, I'm feeling pretty hopeless. Vaguely suicidal, definitely wanting to cut.


"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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L.O.V.E. IS??
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Re: It's all hopeless. - February 26th 2011, 12:16 AM

Guys when it comes to sharing emotional stuff they just dont know what to say. I'm not saying all but some of them. Its great that you two have alot on common and have fun together but if you dont have that emotional connection for eachother then you are obviousely going to be struggling for that emotional connection.
Set an alarm on your phone or something to take your medication, it will help you saty on track for a while til you get back on track and in the swings of things if ya know what i mean. We all make mistakes and end up ruining things for ourselves. But maybe we learn from them? Maybe this is a learning experience for you. I'm sorry this happened and it must suck to have to go to a community college for a while but at least try your hardest in that college for a while til you can get excepted back into the other college and stuff.
What happened with you and your ex???
And i'm so sorry bout your dogg -hugs- He's in doggy heaven now. He wants you to be happy and try your best <3
You can do this and pull yourself out of the gutter. if its something you want you can always achieve it. Nothing is impossible <3

Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

'A dream is what you desire if anything and everything is possible.'
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Re: It's all hopeless. - February 26th 2011, 12:21 AM

Im sorry your feeling so down. I know i use to forget to take my pills too...so i set permanent alarms in my phone (which is Always by my side) to go off when its time to take my pills each day. maybe you could try that? Im very sorry to hear about your dog, ive had pets die/ get lost before and it really dose hurt a ton. I hope you feel better soon

"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
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