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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sweet_Venom Offline
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After I call him i'll know - February 27th 2011, 03:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Im going to kill myself...I hate myself more than I have ever hated myself in the history of me hating myself. I was at a party last night just got home and there was a guy there, a close friend...and he kissed me and tried to have sex with me...But the problem was that i didnt say no right away. Hes talking to my boyfriend and I have a gut feeling that hes going to break up with me.

I know i sound like a whore bag but he is the only positive thing going on in my life. and the best thing in general. I love him and if he he breaks up with me im going to hurt myself. im already going to cut but i think this time might be worse than all the other times. I think if he leaves me i wont be able to stop. If I dont stop things could be over. I dont want him to stop loving me I cant handle him thinking im a cheater. I dont know what to do besides cut more and its not helping...its making it worse because he'll be mad about that to and hiding from him makes me feel worse. If you could give advise please do but honestly this might be it for me...

Im seriously sorry for wasting your blog space if my last statement is true...

As long as theres a person crying at your funeral theres a reason to live...

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kitkat_kate Offline
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Re: After I call him i'll know - February 27th 2011, 05:28 PM

Makia -

Everyone makes mistakes. I want to start with that, because whether you think it's a mistake or not, everyone does things they shouldn't. You did say no. In the heat of the moment at a party, things can get out of hand. And you stopped the situation. Perhaps that constitutes cheating, but you clearly feel bad about it.

I would recommend talking to your boyfriend before this other person gets to. If you tell him and apologize, it will look better. It will also probably be helpful for you to know that you did what you could and that you told the truth. Lying doesn't help.

I don't want you to hurt yourself for this. I know it's hard, and it feels like it's so much easier to just walk away and be done with a situation like this. I've been there. But life has so much to offer, and, more importantly, you have so much to offer the world! Don't just give up for that.

Coming here shows that you still want to be alive. You're reaching out. I know it's cliche, but remember that suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know that's not much comfort now, but so many people love you and care for you. You're a good person who deserves to be alive.

Talk to a parent or a friend nearby, call them up and just say hello. You don't even have to tell them that you are hurting, just take a few moments to talk to them. Remind yourself that there are people who will miss you.

If you need to chat, you can PM me. Keep your chin up, lady! You can do it!

i am not my scars and my history
i am, i am, i am who i am...i am who i am.
there are true things inside of me;
i have been afraid to see.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: After I call him i'll know - February 27th 2011, 07:52 PM

Hey there.

It sounds like a few things have been going on for you which are bothering you and getting you down and its understandable that they are.

But I want you to know that people do things, we make mistakes and as humans thats only normal. That in everyones life time we're all going to go through good things which will be amazing but we also go through bad things which will in the end only make is strong and hopefully make us more open minded and give us a wider view on different things.

No matter what has happened or what is making you feel this way, theres more ways out and more ways to stop feeling low other than suicide. And I am not saying if you keep on going even when you feel suicidal that its going to be easy, because its not. Its going to be really hard at times and there will be days where you want to give up, but if you keep on fighting through them, get through the long days and all the dark endless nights, you can reach the other side and you can be happy again and you can be glad to be alive. And you would have learned so much on the way. It will be so worth it.

You're still so young and have so much to live for. So many people love and care about you and they want to help you but you have to let them in. If you don't then they can't help because they don't know whats going on. You don't ever have to be alone in this.

You're worth so much. And I hope that you realise that. You can have a brilliant future and you can do anything and be anyone you want to be. Take the risks and don't be afraid to reach out. You can do this.

Keep your chin up and don't be alone.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Rose Bunny Offline
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Re: After I call him i'll know - February 27th 2011, 08:59 PM

Hopefully, if you explain to your boyfriend that you weren't interested in this other guy's advances and that you love him, he will understand.

But if he doesn't, DO NOT HURT YOURSELF! You mean more than just being someone's girlfriend. You are a unique individual.

Loving someone is fun and wonderful and important, but you have to love yourself first and foremost.

Don't lose faith in everything if this one relationship doesn't work out. Keep your head up, smile, and build a world for yourself to live in and love in.

Feel free to private message me if you need to talk.
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Sweet_Venom Offline
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Re: After I call him i'll know - February 28th 2011, 04:53 AM

IDK what to do anymore turns out ever since we first started dating hes been willingly messin with his ex...he forgave me and doesnt know i know about him. she sent me emails of him asking to see her boobs and bragging about how i was falling for him. He would drunk message her saying he still loves her and how he's made a mistake. then when she found out it was me she cussed him out and he begged her not to tell me...im pretending that i dont know...

this man I have made my everything he has helped me through soo much and now this happens. the whole thing was a lie...everything. and he wont even tell me hes letting me fall more and more in love so that he can rip me apart idk what to do...he forgave me soo...should i do the same for him???

I got caught today also cutting by my mom shes looking for a treatment facility for me to go to. Im so close to rock bottom but idk how to stop myself from getting there...

As long as theres a person crying at your funeral theres a reason to live...

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