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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cueball Offline
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Who to go to when im the go to.. - February 28th 2011, 09:30 AM

hi..
i just joined this forum today.. still confused about why i worked this hard to find it.. i suppose i find it easier to talk to a group of complete strangers than my closest friends.
I have many emotional and borderline suicidal people in my life.. i dont know how it happens, either i just feel the need to help and become close or just talk to those similar to myself.. I have listened patiently and intently to the problems of many, made a few midnight drives to friends on the edge, and always support whenever i can. I dont know what drives me to do it.. i just do. I have been labeled as a "reliable friend" which usually means "designated driver"..
but im reaching a point where i have no one to talk to about my own troubles.. I dont wanna reach out because i dont want to stand out or make people think any different of me.. I wanna talk but i know that it will create a different environment around me.. People will feel compelled to nudge at my thoughts.. I dunno.. Took up smoking instead.. Very infrequent but often when i feel like this. I dont intend to die of old age anyway..
This is probably the first time ive actually went looking for any kind of help, voluntarily..
My heart is hollow, my thoughts are numb, all encased in my empty smiles..
cant think of more to say.. guess ill just go out for a smoke..

-peace-
   
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Re: Who to go to when im the go to.. - February 28th 2011, 10:49 AM

Hey cueball, Welcome to TH

It's a lot to deal with everyone else's emotional problems, eventually it takes its toll on us and we feel down ourselves. I can understand why you don't want to talk to your friends about your problems, I'm the same. You sound like you're going through a really rough time. Perhaps you could sort of lay off your friends a bit. I mean, it's important to help yourself through these rough times and you're going to be more help to them once you've started sorting yourself out.

Is there anything in particular that is bothering you? That you would perhaps like to talk about?
   
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Re: Who to go to when im the go to.. - February 28th 2011, 12:25 PM

Hey there,

First Welcome to TeenHelp. I hope you feel at home here.

Secondly, I totally know where you are coming from. I am the go to gal. However just because we love to help others does not mean that we can leave our problems untouched. I learned this the hard way. I know alot of times, it is just way easier to push what we are going through to the back of our mind and focus on whatever someone needs help with. This is truly not healthy though. So Feel free to be open with all of us here with what ever is going on. Is there something you wanna let out or talk to us about?
Feel free to PM me!
Trish
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Re: Who to go to when im the go to.. - March 3rd 2011, 03:26 AM

Hey man, it's difficult for us asking for help. Career wise things have been shaky for me, I've been meaning to contact this one guy to get me into a place that might bring a job along with it. But, I was too damned fucking scared before. Haven't heard back. Just sent it a while ago. But, while it's scary waiting to hear back - a weight's been lifted off too.

What I'm trying to say is asking is better than never knowing.


"Maybe I just like people. Maybe sexuality isn't one thing or the other. Maybe it's just something that's shifting and moving. I just know I'm not thinking man or woman."
- SHAMELESS.
   
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cueball Offline
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Re: Who to go to when im the go to.. - March 4th 2011, 09:53 AM

As much as i wish i could lay down the burdens of the everyday hump i must climb over... Its complicated.. I really do try.. I do avoid problems which are not mine, however i cannot help but listen to the perils of others..

My best friend is a faithful christian whom just one day after i posted this article came out of the closet and told me she may be a lesbian.. Which i have no problem with.. But she feels guilty because of her faith and her ongoing relationship.. She has always been a borderline depressive so i do what i can to console. It doesnt always work. As long as i can keep her from cutting herself, i am fine. I just cant stand to see her punish herself for doing nothing wrong, ya know?... A close friend in denver is losing her home, her dad lost his unemployment and cant get food stamps anymore.. My mom is a disabled electrical worker, broke her back in the field.. Since that day four years ago she has been on heavy prescription narcotics to handle the pain. Everytime i visit she is either drunk or crying in searing pain. She told me the only reason she is alive is because of me, her only son.

i suppose i shouldnt take these things so close to heart. I just cant help but listen to the perils of those who are worse off than me. I love all of these people. The worst happens to the best of us. It will either get better or i will live long enough to watch it all come down.. I should be numb to it by now.. But it is tearing at the corners of my soul, slowly working its way inward. It consumes my energy and free thought.

I have tried to release these things.. Therapy, Paintball, music.. But it always come creeping back up on its little pedestal.. Mocking me.

Im a patient guy. But its wearing thin.. I was talking to a computer tech over e-mail and i snapped and ripped him a new one.. Im sure i wont receive the replacement parts for my computer from him anytime soon..

Im falling behind in my coursework. I lose sleep. Its 3:45 in the goddamn morning right now.. I pray i keep the friends i have now.. Without them /* and you */, i am truly alone.

I apologize to all those whom have to listen to my gripes. I have to release them somewhere.. It might as well be here.. Away from the fragile feelings of those whom i speak of.. Away from those who have enough to concern themselves with..

-D-
   
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Re: Who to go to when im the go to.. - March 6th 2011, 05:32 AM

Woah WOAH! What happened? Why do you feel like this? And yes, it IS easier to talk to compleate strangers. Our closest friends are judgemental. We are herre for you SEND ME A MESSAGE! Don't do anything drastic! Stop and think!
   
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