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Millarw12 Offline
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Exclamation Almost a goodbye. - March 1st 2011, 12:37 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Can't do this any more. I am not a fucking psychiatrist. I am not everybody's bloody counsellor. I get it, you need someone to talk to, but WHY ME EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME?! And WHY is it that every time I need someone to talk to, you all turn your backs on me? I have been here for all of you when you were broken up with, when you had family problems, when some girl was spreading rumours, when you were stressed with school work, when got grounded.

But why weren't you here for me, when I lost my best friend? When I didn't even get to say goodbye when everyone else did? When I was not allowed to see my best friend in her dying months? When I had to move schools, because every where I went in school, I knew I would have a constant reminder of my best friend who I don't even know if she knew how much I loved her. When every single night I would have nightmares that she hated me. When I would sit alone at night, going over the eternal what if's that haunt me.

No. You weren't there when I needed you the most.

Every day, for coming up to three years now, I have tortured myself over and over with memories, mistakes and what ifs. Every day is just as hard as the last, and no matter how many counsellors I see, every single time it tears my heart open, revealing that gaping hole where she used to be. Once you lose a best friend like that, you never get that part of your soul back, its gone forever.

Now, I am withering away inside. My past is growing inside me, eating at my core and taking control. My soul is decaying. Its shrivelling away into nothingness.

I wish I could be what everyone wants me to be. I wish I didn't feel like this is the only way out. But wishful thinkers don't accomplish anything.

"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
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Riddikulus Offline
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Re: Almost a goodbye. - March 1st 2011, 03:17 PM

I'm really sorry things are hard for you at the moment,
If you ever want someone to talk to, i am always willing to listen.
Take care and stay strong,
Charli :-)

'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'

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RIP Peter <3
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