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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lovehatelife23 Offline
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Unhappy my past tat haunts me... - March 7th 2011, 06:19 PM

my past from years n years ago is haunting me every second of the day. Dont tell me to let it go bc i cant. It feels like a ball of thorns thrown at me. every second of the day visions come through my head n sometimes makes me want to cry. It shows of how i was when i was young n how it may affect the next few years. I kno there is something wrong with me but i sometimes cant tell u how or why i feel like this. sometimes at night i cant go to sleep bc of i feel a STRONG feeling inside of me tat someone is standing over me or standing in my room. I cant tell if its the devil or the Lord. I cant get any sleep anymore. I stay up alnite worring bout my life n my past. I try to think of something good but it always seems to come back. People tell me the Past needs to be forgotton but i can let it go for some reason bc of how it was n my life now. People dont understand me sometimes bc of how i act or the way i look. sometimes im happy n sometimes im sad but lately ive been depressed. I feel like im going to lose it one day n just say my goodbyes n let go. i dont understand the way i am. I dont understand why i act the way i do. its just the way i am. When people ask me why i do tat or why do i look like tat all i say is i dont kno. I dont have a boyfriend. My parents dont want to here bout it anymore. I try to talk to other people but they have their own life n they dont want to here bout it. Im trying my best to get through life as much as i can til i break then they will pay for wat they did to me. I didnt care bout going to heaven or hell i just want to be away from here. i always thought of runnin away but i couldnt bc i would always come back no matter that this house is agrvating. I feel so useless n forgotton n not forgiving n a bad person n stupid. i really didnt care anymore. maybe i do need help or maybe not. maybe i should go up to a cop n say im suicidal n be put away for alittle while. i dont kno anymore.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: my past tat haunts me... - March 7th 2011, 06:53 PM

If you're struggling to let go of your past, you may have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Between the fact that your past bothers you, and that it's disrupting things like your sleeping and your social life, I suggest you see your doctor, or even a therapist.

If you see your doctor and tell them whats going on, they will usually refer you to someone, whether it be a psychiatrist, or a support group. But as far as I know, therapists and counselors don't need a referral (it may be worth checking out), but to see a psychiatrist you DO need your doctor.

Either way, looking into options would prove beneficial to help you get through what has been bothering you.


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Overall, Dare to be yourself.

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Re: my past tat haunts me... - March 7th 2011, 07:06 PM

i do go see a therapist but she doesnt really help...i try to tell her everything like last week i told her n show her tat i was cuttin n was depressed n suicidal but i feel like its not tat i want to tell people but its wanting me to show them n act like everything is wrong. I will have to talk to my doctor n see wat he says. people tell me tat im lookin for attention but im really not. i just want to express my feelings n tell them wats wrong but no one will listen n understand. i am really bad struggling with my past n trying to let it go but everytime i try to let it go it just keeps on coming back. i dont understand tat. i feel like its going to take me down one day really hard. i really dont want tat to happen. but it might. im at home all by myself n everytime i look at my door way it feels like someone is there n it looks like a shadow or something i can feel it. maybe there is something wrong with me n i need help. but i dont want to go to a crazy mental place again like i was in 2007. i dont need to be in there. i dont kno anymore. but thanks n i will ask my doctor.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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Hiraeth Offline
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Re: my past tat haunts me... - March 7th 2011, 08:24 PM

Dear Leslie,

The first step crucial step towards letting go is acceptance - of everything that is currently being experienced, exactly as they are. When the mind is fixated on trying to make the suffering go away, it never gets around to crossing the acceptance stage.

Until we are able to fully and deeply embrace these mental formations, no amount of forcedly pushing them away will do the trick - and I think the logic behind it is quite simple. We all have a sense of curiosity and fascination with the unknown, and it is a fragment of this unconscious tendency which draws our unresolved past issues to linger around. Yes, we experience its unpleasantness, which is only a very small part of its overall existence; but have we truly been able to stare into it, void of all self-deception and denial - and become acquainted with its deepest essence? Once we do, see through the depths, through the aura of mystery and obscurity - that is when true healing can begin.

Embracing potentially dangerous feelings - that can seem like a very scary thing to do. But the fortunate thing to keep in mind is, that feelings do not automatically entail actions - they only do when we are not mindful, and allow the feeling to cloud our judgment. If we are mindful, in touch with ourselves and our reality during this process, we will not be carried away or taken advantage of. Reaching out to others is so important, because it is very difficult to do this alone - so that during the times when we are vulnerable and on the verge of being lost, we can count on others to sustain the energy of mindfulness for us.

To be mindful is to be aware - of what transcends the limitations of unpleasant states of mind. To be aware that all things pass, and this also will, even if it seems very convincing of the opposite. To be aware that the past is no longer here, it is but a mental formation that remains in the form of memories - whatever happened then, will never occur again in that same form. Will it reoccur in a different form? That possibility is not ruled out, however, it is something which we can actively work to remedy or prevent starting in this very moment. And of course, to be aware that you are so much more than what you are experiencing now - a promising individual full of potential - the potential to break free; and the potential to make a difference. There is so much more; this list is just a bare beginning.

Expression does not necessarily have to be in the form of words - I find that they are often inconvenient, actually. There are many more ways to engage in supportive interaction - the creative arts is something that many find useful, whether it be creating one's own, or even just referencing someone else's work as a representation of one's inner dynamics. Other times, it may even be unnecessary to actively express anything - simply enjoying the presence of a supportive individual, in silence, can be a tremendously healing experience.

If you ever need someone, I am here for you any time.

May you find courage and light,
Kaisada


"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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