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Dedalus Offline
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I just don't feel good - March 12th 2011, 01:09 AM

I've been wanting to write this for a while. I don't know why I feel like this. I think this is the worst I've ever felt. Its been slightly better since Friday - I had a good day Saturday, but since the 18th of February I've felt really low. Usually a few beers and/or a casual chat with my best friend sort me out when ever I feel low, but this is devestatingly bad.

I haven't slept well and haven't been to many lectures. I've done plenty of reading for college, but I love sitting down in the library and reading - but not much in the way of writing essays.

I felt desperately bad after the night out on my 21st on the 21st of February. I was sitting on this wall smoking outside the Arts & Humanities building at college and I usually go there for a smoke, because I often run into someone I know. But I was sitting there and feeling ridiculously weak - I honestly think it was the worst I ever felt. I felt like I was in withdrawl from something. I was cold, but not cold and from below my elbows I could barely hold my arms up. I was wondering if one of my mates had spiked my drink with coke I felt that depressed...but it just lasted for two weeks. This terrible feeling of something that just felt awful.

I have no idea what it is and what to blame it on. I should be happy. I had lost my wallet with almost £300 in it, and it was handed in to a police station complete with cards and cash. I have friends who are concerned about me - I am not alone. Nothing has changed, so what the f**k is going on? I just feel kind of empty and devoid of meaning.

I had messaged this girl over facebook that I really liked, and have liked for a long time. She wrote back saying she had a boyfriend. And I'm not going to dive into this whole thing, but I was really happy with her response. She's such a kind, lovely person and I only wish I was still talking to her. We sent a couple more messages back and forth. She's much nicer than the last girl I'm not too bothered about, that I messaged after having spent a night kissing her. That girl deleted me as a friend on facebook for reasons I still can't quite gather.

I don't even know if I want a girlfriend. I get into those things and then drop out of them almost immediately.

I'm really just writing to try and find something. To find some reason. Please, for the love of God, help me. I just can't seem to pick myself up. There's nothing happy. No nice feeling in me anymore and I'm the kind of person who draws happiness out of myself. I don't need other people to do that for me. But there's nothing...

I mean am I frustrated that I'm single or that I just can't settle into anything. If I just cast my mind back in the three years I've been at college and all the girls I've met...I think there's only one I can picture myself happy going out with. Thats not a conscious decision nor is there anything I can do about it, its just the way I am. I try with other people. There's an absolutely beautiful...But I know if I talked to her, or if I even kissed her I wouldn't be interested anymore. Its just the way I work...I don't really need any advice on that.

And what are you guys gonna say? Go talk to someone? What am I actually going to say? I've been feeling really sad lately and I don't know why? And then I'll be charged a ridiculous amount of money, probably referred to some other person who will charge another ridiculous amount of money...and no one will give me an answer.

What do I do? How do I get some happiness?
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secretlyhidden Offline
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Re: I just don't feel good - March 14th 2011, 01:47 AM

I went through a period of something like this... and honestly, I think I'm going back into it. I think a lot of it, as dumb as it sounds, is winter blues. We're deprived of Vitamin D and it really does take a toll.

I don't know what to tell you other than that it'll work itself out, and if it doesn't, you could always see someone. If you want to talk to someone with no degree, there's plenty of people around here... but you seem closed off to that sort of thing. When I get down in the dumps, I write music to clear my mind.

As far as being single, it could be frustration from those situations getting you down... but I think you realize that there are other fish in the sea. It's easy to get discouraged though, and I think we all understand that. Things take time...

The most important thing is that you've already realized that you're not alone and that you deserve to be happy. If you know you should be, then you will be. I'd say just do your best to make every day the best you can, and it'll resolve in no time.

Best wishes.

"And this too shall pass."
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