TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Someday Offline
Somehow
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Someday's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Location: North London

Posts: 44
Join Date: March 12th 2011

Unhappy I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 12th 2011, 03:39 PM

So I don't really know where to start with this because I can't make head nor tail of my feelings myself, and I've just generally been feeling really depressed about everything for a week or so now. Oh and I'm 15, male.

Well, lets start 3 years ago. I get into one of the best grammar schools around and am obviously very happy about it, as far as I can remember I had no problems whatsoever back then. My life just seemed perfect. But since then everything's gone downhill.

So it all really started going badly when my grandfather died, followed by my grandmother on the other side of the family.
Then last year I had to leave the school that had taken so much effort to get into, primarily because of both bad attendance and me falling so far behind everyone else. It was just the sort of school that only the very brightest go to, and I couldn't keep up. Although at the time I was happy to be getting away from the stress, looking back I totally regret my decision. I hate myself for it. It's now been a whole year and I miss my friends. I literally havn't seen a single one of them in 1 year because I was almost totally addicted to gaming and didn't want to get out much. That's under control now, but it leaves me realising how much I am missing my friends, and mostly this 1 girl that I always got on really well with. That's not to say anything would have happened between us because unfortunately I doubt that, when you compare how we both look she's just... lets just say much better.

Then there's my Mum. She suffers from depression and pretty much never sees any of her friends because they've all moved away, which leaves her really miserable a lot of the time. I can see she tries to stay positive, but it's completely overshadowed by the fact that when she takes her tablets for her depression she becomes horrible, to the point I that I want to kill myself. In-fact if I wasn't so much of a coward I'm 95% sure I'd have done it by now... but yeah. I havn't got it in me to do that, of all things. Anyway I've spoken to her about it, and she doesn't seem to care. Not that there's much she could do about it anyway...

Then there's me. As people go I honestly am quite lazy, but with my asthma being so heavily impacted over the last few years due to these nasal polyps we only just found out about I'm pretty much glued to the chair in my room, which as it happens I'm sitting on right now. So, I can't do that much because of my health anyway. An operation should be in order to get the polyps removed but that seems like it's gonna take ages. I'm honestly on the ugly-side, and if I weren't any good at talking to people I don't know what I'd do. I've also put on 2-3 stone because of the asthma thing. So I hate my image, but that I can normally put up with. And with my education as it is, my future looks so bad, after looking so bright just 2-3 years ago.

So here we are... just last week I was feeling great. I'm the kinda person that has to cheer myself up when I'm feeling down and am quite good at cheering others up too, but the last week or so I just havn't been able to. Normally I can draw some happiness from somewhere but I just can't atm. I have a cat who over the last year has honestly been my best friend, but even he can't cheer me up right now. I guess I started feeling so depressed and miserable when I started talking to some people from the old school on facebook, when I realised how much I missed them. And I felt good about myself that apparently they missed me too. Then I messaged that girl I mentioned earlier. Ever since I did that a few days ago I've felt horrible, to the point that I don't even want to eat anymore, which considering my usual eating habits is astonishing. And she did actually reply, and we've been talking briefly since then. I don't know if it's because of her, or because it's made me accept how bad everything around me is but I just feel horrible. Nothing interests me anymore. Nothing appeals to me anymore. I just feel so low that if I had a gun... I don't want to think about what I would do.

There's so much more I could type about this, but I just havn't the effort to keep typing. I have no idea what is going on inside my head but it can't be good, I can't remember ever feeling this bad. I mean it's normal for me to be a bit un-enthusiastic about stuff but this is something else. I don't even know if there's any advice that I can be given for this, although I sure hope so. I just want some guidance as to feel better about myself and about life, because usually a good nights sleep fixes my emotions but the last few days it just hasn't resolved.

I've tried to type as much as I can bother to, so that you know the details. I'm just honestly really confused about my feelings right now Thanks.

P.S. This might be the wrong section idk, if it is then feel free to move it.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Unlucky Guy Offline
Never lose HOPE ❤❤❤
Average Joe
***
 
Unlucky Guy's Avatar
 
Name: Kunal
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Location: India

Posts: 111
Join Date: March 7th 2011

Re: I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 12th 2011, 06:53 PM

heyy buddy sorry to hear that you are goin through hard times at this age but i think your biggest problem is your loneliness so there is nothin much i can say except that just start to enjoy wid your friends and the girl you mentioned just talk to her often becoz i think you really feel well when you talk to her so just enjoy your life wid your frnds ....i hope it will work....
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Someday Offline
Somehow
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Someday's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Location: North London

Posts: 44
Join Date: March 12th 2011

Unhappy Re: I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 13th 2011, 12:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kunal View Post
heyy buddy sorry to hear that you are goin through hard times at this age but i think your biggest problem is your loneliness so there is nothin much i can say except that just start to enjoy wid your friends and the girl you mentioned just talk to her often becoz i think you really feel well when you talk to her so just enjoy your life wid your frnds ....i hope it will work....
How can I enjoy time with my friends though? It seems atm everytime I talk to one of them on facebook and I tell them I havn't done a f*cking thing in a whole year they tell me I'm lucky, and that my life is awesome, when in reality it couldn't be further from the truth. In-fact I'd swap lives with any of them right now if I could. They have everything that I don't have- perfect health, money, brains, looks, family and tons of friends. The future is so bright for them. They're doing their GCSE stuff really soon and I'm still lagging about 3 years behind them education-wise and that gap is only widening. I don't know if I can face them
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Nihilism Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Nihilism's Avatar
 
Age: 25
Location: California

Posts: 8
Join Date: October 25th 2010

Re: I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 15th 2011, 06:16 AM

Ok I'm just going to be blunt with you right now. You care a LOT about school, you go to a good grammar school where I think grades are a very, very large priority on what makes you 'you'. Even if people say they don' give a **** on what their grade is, they probably do. Many people can't understand this, but from what you're coming from, I totally can. I have been in this sort of predictament before. It is sort of like 'keeping up appearances', people want to be around smart people. While many people might say that they just want to be around people since they are funny or nice, the unwritten rule is that they also want to be around them due to their level of intelligence or achievement they have. Humans are comformists, and it is simply more comfortable to be around people that are like you in a way.


I know health is important, and most people here would say health and having friends trump all aspects of education.

But I don't think you're like that.

These matter to you, but you really would just want your old life at that grammar school back because it was a part of who you are. Not to sound elitist or anything, but levels of education and what other people are doing/studying do dictate your moods. You feel bad when you realize you're not at the school or in those classes with those acquietances. And yes, that gap does suck. But you HAVE to get out of this cycle of gaming, staying home, and being overally sad and feeling inproductive.

First, I would recommend going to see a therapist and then going back to school. The grammar school might be out of question, because what I'm assuming, you need to take tests to get in right?

Public schools aren't bad choices, and you might want to confront your mom or make her go to a family counseling session too. I'm not sure entirely on how she'll react or your total family situation, but she has a LOT of issues of her own and she really hasn't dealt with them. Our parents aren't perfect I realize, but they should also learn to deal and cope with their problems too. If she doesn't do that, I would say its all up to you to rise from your situation.

I'm not saying to not talk to your friends, but if all you're doing is feeling sad from it, try to take it with a grain of salt and stop catastrophizing the whole situation of if they have it better than you. Everyone's lives are different, yours could be much worse, you could be starving in Africa. I'm not saying your situation is easy, but it isn't horrible. There is room for change and I'm sure you'll overcome it.

Take your situation realistically, you might not go onto the path that you wanted to go to, like graduate with all honors and get into a great 4-year, but also, you should start to change your habits so you can still lead a productive life.

Ditch the gaming.

I had that addiction too, but its really not worth it and now when I casually visit those games I played and see my fellow friends, I really feel more pity because they are wasting time and money towards something just to see higher damage they can do to bosses. I usually get off after 30 minutes and I really don't feel much satisfaction from it anymore.

Get a therapist, enroll back into school, get your life on the right track. I know you would like to pretend your life is amazing to those friends of yours who go to grammar school, but sometimes there is a truth and you have to stop pretending. The first part of the problem is accepting it and then finding help.

Maybe someday you can feel more comfortable talking to them without any regrets, but if all you can think about when you talk to them is your own self-worth, then it isn't really fun right? You might feel good talking to someone, but you might not feel good talking about the subject you're on or what the person is doing.

Hope this helps.

I know there is lonliness in your life, but making yourself feel horrible or displacing your boredom on video games is really not it. And yeah, you really shouln't listen to those FB people if all they do is tell you how lucky you are. Sometimes, people really don't want to hurt your feelings to the point where it is basically lying to you.

I'm not sure what you can do with the boredom. I know you're lonly, firstly because you don't have friends to hang out with right now and you're stuck all day in your house, maybe trying to enroll back into a public school or something? Or call and ask for alternatives. Gaming addictions are hard to cure, but they are really a bit of a situation-you like playing the games, but then you stop outside contact and you feel bad because you don't hang out with your friends but it was also kind of your fault since you neglected your friends in the first place.

Good luck.
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Someday Offline
Somehow
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Someday's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Location: North London

Posts: 44
Join Date: March 12th 2011

Re: I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 15th 2011, 02:24 PM

Alright, I've ditched the gaming.

I've also arranged to see everyone from the old school at easter just because apparently they miss me as well... so I'm feeling quite good atm.

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
The Straight Edge Sniper
I've been here a while
********
 
NevermindMe's Avatar
 
Gender: Male

Posts: 1,816
Join Date: March 8th 2011

Re: I'm Just Really Miserable Right Now, Can't Figure Out Exactly Why - March 15th 2011, 06:27 PM

I'm in the same boat. I'm in a homeschool course, for "Gifted Students" and I can't keep up. I'm top of the class in non gifted programs, in their "Gifted" programs I'm lucky to pull a B and I've been put on academic probation twice. I always blame my problems on my family. Sometimes it's true, others it is not. For instance I blamed my school trouble on the, why? Because they made me do chores during school hours. Like cleaning the sinks, washing floors, ect.

My mom is depressed, too depressed to even try to stay happy (I have a thread about it on the depression board, a page back, any advice would be helpful) I have zero friends and no drive to do anything. I've considered killing myself a few times. As young as ten I was prepared to end it all. I had my note ready and a bottle of pills. To this day I still feel the same as you. Too weak to even end the problem.

I have asthma too. It's not terrible, but I have a permanent cold because of it. I always need Halls and Klenex within a few feet of me.

Even though you're problem is very specific I'm doing the same stuff everyday. You are not in it alone, having a depressed parent (Mother especially) is really hard. She also suffers from some other mental disorder I have yet to identify. She yells and threatens alot. And yells over minor things. Like a typo in a school project that the teacher pointed out when it was mailed back to me. My mom yelled at me and called my "Lazy" for over an hour. She's crazy and when I offfered to get her the help she needs to get better her paranoia kicked in and she was convinced I was sending her to the "Rubbery Room" (Her word for mental institute.)

I'm addicted to video games. Quite seriously. It does not effect school or meals, but really I have no drive to meet friends. They'll want something from me and they'll want someone to go on crazy youthful adventures with. I'm much happier playing Xbox with "Timmy37" who compliments me on my game skills and doesn't know or care about my personal life.

My mom is destructive and my home environment is toxic. I don't want to drag any friends or extended family into this. I feel like it's my cross to bear, and to bring anyone other than a licensed mental helper, would be putting the burden on them.

My dad is out of town for three out of four weeks in a month. My sister is moving to lawschool in four months, my brother is only ten and hasn't realized my mother's yelling and insane episodes aren't normal.

I feel like I'md drowing in the shouting and screaming. Her pills don't help, but she lies to her doctor that they do, because she "is not going to leave that know-it-all lock me [her] in a mental rehab center."

The more I sit and feel sorry for myself the more I need to feel sorry for myself. A dangerous cycle. (I live thirty minutes away from any town on any map. It's the boonies. Our neighbourhood consisters of ten houses, and then we need to drive into town, I'm overall stuck at home, or alone in the woods.) I have no car, no way of leaving my neighbourhood, no friends or realatives in the area (The neighbours don't even know who we are because no adults are around other than my mom who is either eating or sleeping or shouting at me.)

Last year things were alot better, but then begining of grade eight I'm thrown in the washing spin cycle for another year. This fricking sucks.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
figure, miserable

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.