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imaginarybird Offline
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Name: Ashleigh
Age: 29
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Join Date: January 9th 2009

Tired of it All... - March 18th 2011, 12:42 AM

Do I have a place anywhere? It doesnít feel like it. I donít have any direction. Almost everything I try fizzles out or just canít work. Iím practically invisible in everything whether itís socially, with my family or school. People in general just seem to not care or notice me. I have one friend, but even she is constantly too busy to try and help me, even though she might want to. I have family that doesnít even notice when Iím crying on the couchÖI may not want to talk about things with them, but they donít even noticeÖ Even in the only class that manages to stir interest and that I actively participate in, all I am to the professor is literally, just ďsomeoneĒ.
So Iím invisible. But Iím still costing my parents money. A huge amount of money and based on the way that things go for me, itís all being spent for no purpose. And I never contribute anything. So Iím a leech. An invisible, friendless leech.
And Iím miserable to boot. A miserable, invisible, friendless leech.
And depending on who you ask, despite the fact that Iím going to therapy and taking the medication that Iím given and in general trying to do what my psychiatrist asks me to, I am apparently choosing to feel like this. So if Iím trying to be better but Iím choosing to feel so badly that must add hypocritical to the list. So if Iím a hypocritical, miserable, invisible, friendless leech with no place in the world and no discernable future, what the hell am I doing here?
Why stay around if thatís all Iím ever going to be? Because Iím here now and it sucks.
I should be clearÖIíve never been nor am I at the point where I could kill myself. But I imagine it a lot and wish that something would happen to me to take me out of this. I get so completely caught up in thought cycles that snowball out of control. I know that this what depression does, believe me, Iíve heard about it a million times from the different people Iíve seen. But I am so tired of everything and I am losing all motivation.
I just want things to be over.
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Anatidaephobia Offline
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Name: Emma
Age: 26
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Re: Tired of it All... - March 18th 2011, 05:12 AM

Sorry your going through a tough time at the moment. Things seem hard but they WILL get better
Your not a hypocrite as you are trying your best so don't listen to anyone who Says you are one. So you can get rid of hypocrite for starters.
Secondly you are not miserable. It is the depression that is miserable so don't let the depression define you. If you fight it you can be happy again and everyone get's miserable it times it's just human
You are not invisible. I bet a lot more people notice you than you think but you probably won't notice as your depression is clouding your thoughts but that's ok you just have to try harder to fight it. I know it's hard believe me I know exactly what it's like.
And your not friendless. There are plenty of people who would love to be your friend and i'm one of them along with many others on this site.
And you are definately not a leech if your parents were not happy to provide for you and help and support you then the chances are they would not. They want to help as your important to them
And you do have a place in this world you just have to find out what that is and this is really hard.
Remember you are an amazing, talented, important and special person
Stay strong <3
And if you ever need to talk i'm here feel free to pm me x

xxxxxxx Take care xxxxxxx

If you ever need ANYTHING just ask (:
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