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I don't know what to say - March 18th 2011, 03:12 AM

I would like to start off by thanking EVERYONE on this website. I have posted a few times about minor problems in my life and everyone was extremely helpful. Now I need help helping someone very close to me with a bigger problem.

During the entire school day this person seemed to be happy. Then when we had our academic decathlon study session, all seemed well. Then she went to her job at our local theatre as a projectionist. She had to set up the movie (we still have film) and watch it. I texted her while she was doing this and her texts seemed very short, this is an obvious sign something is wrong. I asked her, she responded by shortening her texts even more. I asked once more

(here is the conversation)
Her: I'm fine
Me: I'm sure you are fine, but something is up.
Her: No.
Me: So you are being short with me for the hell of it?
Her: Or I just don't want to talk about it.
Me: Okay. Fine. But just know that if you do feel like talking about it I am more than willing to listen.

Then we talked about the movie a little bit, but the conversation was strained. She then said that it was an excellent movie and highly recommended it. I responded by saying, I will keep that in mind. Then she said, wow, a big fuck you too.

Now, I had been short with her in response, and it was childish of me. I apologized for it.

(conversation following the apology)
Her: It's fine. I'm just really upset.
Me: I'm probably not helping the situation any, am I?
Her: It's not you. It's ok. I understand I'm hard to put up with.
Me: Not at all Just hard to understand sometimes.
Her: ... Well I just cried so hard that I almost couldn't stand up. And I hate my life. I fake a smile every fucking day. I'm tired of it.
Her: You and my family makes me happy. But thats it.
Me: Don't fake things in front of me. Please. I want to be the person you can act how you really feel around. You have a great life. Parents that love you. You are incredibly smart. You are beautiful. You are your own person. You have so much potential and can do anything with your life. You make this small town bearable.
Her: Thank you. I'm sorry. I just. . . Idk. I'm messed up.
Me: Don't apologize for who you are
Her: I'm crazy.
(she has depression, sleeping problems, a recent boyfriend threatened to shoot her and a teacher (it got resolved), a history of cutting, and more mental disorders)
Me: And? Yeah, you have disorders. If you keep dwelling on the negative its going to keep you down. Start off by smiling
Her: I have nothing to smile for. Goodnight.
Me: Smile for me.
Her

I let it end at that. But I feel like I didn't do a good enough job consoling her. I was hoping that I could get some advice on what to say to her. I know I'm going to recommend she get some professional help. But I feel I should be prepared for something like this if it happens again.

Also, thank you so much if you have read all, or even some of it. It really does mean a lot to me.
   
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Re: I don't know what to say - March 18th 2011, 03:30 AM

It sounds like you are acting appropriately. You are being socially astute and compassionate by providing support for someone. This is the right thing to do.

I agree with your idea of suggesting professional help. That is most likely the best recourse. On your end you could continue supporting her and help her through these hard times.

Affirmation and friendly gestures can mean the world to someone in a dark place. Be especially mindful of the negative-logic that may ensue (I've seen indicators in your texts that seem to show that). If you can recognize it and mitigate it, it can help you support the other person more efficiently.



   
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Re: I don't know what to say - March 18th 2011, 04:53 AM

Firstly well done for handling the situation How you did. It's a tough situation but you handled it fine and i'm sure this helped her a lot
I agree with the above user if she will try and get her professional help. But don't keep on about it as this may Push her away. Just mention it every now and again and assure her that it's a good thing
You have to try and stay possitive to help her and assure her that your always there if she ever needs you.
Stay strong though situations like this can be tough. I have been in a situation like yours and your friends so can relate to it. But it will get better.
If you ever need to talk i'm here <3


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