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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
I Miss You Offline
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Part II:Five Weeks Later - March 19th 2011, 05:34 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

now for part two of my story...

im in unbearable pain..so bear with me...

After my best freind Diana commited suicide in august 1989,i didnt think suicide would happen to me again..

boy was i wrong...

i was in school one day..when a girl came running in to class crying...

she was screaming and crying...Ryan's dead...Ryan's dead

i will never forget those words as long as i live...

Ryan Thomas was a very close of mine...i first met him when i was fourteen..But on September 15th,1989..my life would never be the same.

even tho its been many years since his death..i still miss him soo much..

he died the same way that Diana died..he hung himself..

this is sooo hard for me..because im crying so hard i cant see straight..

He was so important to me...and i could have said something..i could have done something..and i didnt..

The next day after his death..i came to school with a penknife with the intent of killing myself..i couldnt believe it..within weeks..TWO of my closest freinds would commit suicide..

what did i ever do to deserve this...

i wrote a suicide note in class that day..then in class i cut my wrist..i didnt care if i lived or died..

At that point i wanted to be dead...i had never felt so bad in my life after both of them died...

i feel that both suicides were my fault..i wasnt there when my best freinds needed me the most...

The same day after i cut myself..i was summoned to the office..as i sat in the chair...the school theripist was there and she told me"if u do something like that again...we will have no choice but to put you in a pysch ward"...

i just dont know what to do right now..i feel so alone...

i cant take it..i want to die right now.

just dont want to suffer anymore..or cause anybody here any pain..

i miss both of them more then life itself..

im hanging on by a thread...i could have written a lot more about him...but im in too much pain to countinue..

PS:this is just a small part of my story...and its not over yet..i have a long way to go before the whole story is told.

Drew
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Re: Part II:Five Weeks Later - March 20th 2011, 12:40 PM

Hi Drew,

Firstly, I welcome you to the boards. I'm Katrina--I've been here for a few years, so please feel free to ask me if you have any questions. In the meantime, I hope you find what you're looking for here.

I'm very sorry to hear that you've lost two close friends to suicide. Losing loved ones is never easy... my mom actually went through a deep depression herself last semester and tried to kill herself twice; it was a painful and not at all glamourous experience for my entire family as well as all of her friends.

Although Diana and Ryan both are not physically with you any longer, the fond memories you have of these two are yours to keep forever. Nothing--not their deaths, not their suicides--can ever take that away from you. They say that time heals all, but I think at some point, its so important to get to the point where we allow time to help us heal. It won't heal us, but it certainly doesn't hurt us. I encourage you also to hang in there... Just as you were devastated by the loss of Diana and Ryan, there are folks out there who would be similarly devastated by losing you.

Its okay to not be okay, but its also okay to let yourself be okay. Its an odd feeling when we begin to sense our lives returning to some sense of ... "normalcy." Its very discomforting, and its almost as though they only way we were surviving was through the dysfunctionality of our day-to-day lives. However, its really a healthy thing to let yourself be there, Drew.

I'll be thinking of you. Take good care of yourself, and once again, please feel free to let me know if you need anything.



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Re: Part II:Five Weeks Later - March 21st 2011, 09:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrina View Post
Hi Drew,

Firstly, I welcome you to the boards. I'm Katrina--I've been here for a few years, so please feel free to ask me if you have any questions. In the meantime, I hope you find what you're looking for here.

I'm very sorry to hear that you've lost two close friends to suicide. Losing loved ones is never easy... my mom actually went through a deep depression herself last semester and tried to kill herself twice; it was a painful and not at all glamourous experience for my entire family as well as all of her friends.

Although Diana and Ryan both are not physically with you any longer, the fond memories you have of these two are yours to keep forever. Nothing--not their deaths, not their suicides--can ever take that away from you. They say that time heals all, but I think at some point, its so important to get to the point where we allow time to help us heal. It won't heal us, but it certainly doesn't hurt us. I encourage you also to hang in there... Just as you were devastated by the loss of Diana and Ryan, there are folks out there who would be similarly devastated by losing you.

Its okay to not be okay, but its also okay to let yourself be okay. Its an odd feeling when we begin to sense our lives returning to some sense of ... "normalcy." Its very discomforting, and its almost as though they only way we were surviving was through the dysfunctionality of our day-to-day lives. However, its really a healthy thing to let yourself be there, Drew.

I'll be thinking of you. Take good care of yourself, and once again, please feel free to let me know if you need anything.

your really sweet katrina..thank you for you response....

its just that...it was my fault for what happend to them...

i honestly dont think people would miss me anyways...there is nothing good about me

people here shouldnt worry about me here..im not worth it..all i do is get close to ppl..and something bad always happens
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Re: Part II:Five Weeks Later - March 21st 2011, 10:30 PM

I love you. I am ALWAYS here for you dear<3 always. Xxx
   
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Re: Part II:Five Weeks Later - March 22nd 2011, 07:10 AM

thanks hun that means a lot to me...
but i dont feel i deserve for anyone to care about or love me
some"best freind"..i turned out to be

if u think theses stories are bad..wait till the very last story ..that will prove without a shadow of a doubt what a horrible person i am
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