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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Just a nobody Offline
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I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 06:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I think I'm leaving. I can't really live like I am anymore. My relationship went down the crapper and now... I don't know what to do or what to think. I won't go and kill myself just because of that, but it for sure doesn't help. Anyways. I don't know why I bother to type this up. But I have to wonder if anybody at all would care, like... I'm sure they do. But I can't do the "everything WILL get better" type-of-thing anymore, because you know why? Things DID get better. And it turned around on me and got much worse. Everything. I don't know. Maybe I'm asking for help of some sorts. But eventually "talking" about your problems doesn't help anymore. Telling people doesn't matter if you they won't listen or care. So where does that leave me? I feel like I'm causing people issues constantly and would just be better off if I disappeared so nobody knows where I went. I don't want to be found dead by a family member or anything so I would go away somewhere a long ways away. And then people don't have to ever think about me again... I think that sounds nice. I don't want people thinking that I'm a weak person or a coward, because I'm not (believe it or not). I just can't stand it anymore. I feel so alone and I just don't know.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 07:08 PM

Please wait!

I totally understand where you're coming from. I hate the "Things will get better" too. Life is about ups and downs, and things get better and they get worse. I hate it, and I'm sure others do too.

I don't know who you are or your history, I'm new here. And I don't know my way around, so I don't know if you've posted an About Me on your profile page, but just looking at the comments! People care about you! They wish you happy birthday and they wish you a merry christmas and they talk to you. Already, I care about you and don't want you to hurt yourself in any way.

It's tempting to catch a ride to anywhere, isn't it? To believe that no one will ever think of us again, and maybe we can start a new or end all together. But that's not true. We touch people's lives all the time, and I can assure you that someone will think of you because you helped them or you said something nice to them, even years later. Even more, those who know you, who have known you for years even, will always think of you if you leave. Your family won't move on. You'll always be in their minds and they'll be so distraught

I don't know if this is helping at all. Sorry if it isn't. But I really hope you don't leave. It's hard to talk to people who don't listen or care, so we've got to find people who do listen and do care. Have you considered talking to a counselor or therapist? They tend to listen and care. Even though mine has a dozen or more other patients, I know she cares about me.

I don't think you're weak or you're a coward. Even now you are talking, you are staying, you are reaching out. And that is brave. It takes guts to reach out.

Life can be so overwhelming, I know. So often I want to curl up and just cry, and I don't know if you have felt that way? But what picks you up and keeps you moving on? What do you want to do with your life? What do you hope to accomplish? Do you want to help people? Do you want to help yourself?

I don't know if this would help, but I was suggested to put together a small collage of everything I like or I want to do in the future. Anything I wanted to put on it, I put on it. And whenever I feel so overwhelmed and just want to give up, I pull that out and I stare at it and breathe. Maybe this would work for you?

I hope I helped. Please stay safe!
   
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 07:18 PM

I know it might not seem like it right now but lot's of people would care. I'm sure if you disappeared your family and friends and others that know you would be extremly worried about you and if you did kill yourself they would all be really upset.
I agree entirely with your point there is only so much talking can do that's why you also need to take steps to help yourself aswell.
You are not constantly causing people issues so don't think that. I'm sure noone else does.
I don't think your weak or a coward. I think your an amazing, brave and strong person. Who is just going through a tough time right now. But things will get better again. I know you won't believe it but they will and you will find someone amazing who you love and they love you.
Stay strong and remember you are important <3


xxxxxxx Take care xxxxxxx

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 07:37 PM

Before you go and make a mistake, please take the time to read this and the other comments you're getting on this. As a member on TH you're in an environment where we all care, so please listen to what we have to say as we only want the best for you.

I understand how you feel, really I do. I just want to talk to you a bit on the topic of suicide though. People would miss you. I know for someone with a mind frame like yours, it's hard to believe this, but I assure you somebody would miss you. If you went, you'd be wasting a life that has so much potential not lived upto yet. As a person you're gonna make mistakes that make you feel bad, but it's part of being human. Please reconcider the options as you're an amazing person and you underestimate yourself. You're capable of creating a person who people look up to and cherish if you're not already that person. You just need to see that.

Please PM me if you need to talk, I'm more than happy to help. <3


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Just a nobody Offline
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 07:41 PM

My dad was supposed to get a me therapist, but then decided it's not worth it. It's not worth arguing with him over anything. It might have different, though, because I went into the ER for stomach problems. He kept going on about wasting his time with me in the hospital. I know he cares, but he doesn't show it. I think I know that other people care, but... I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly/rationally. I know somebody will remember me in the years to come, but eventually we all die, so eventually they won't know who I am because they're, obviously, dead... I hope that makes sense, because it doesn't to me... I know what I want to do with my life, I just don't have the willpower to keep on going to do them. Everything I once loved has become a drag. But I will try it. I just... I don't know. In the past, I always just suppressed all of these feelings until I found a person to just tell all of this too. But it's kind of dumb, and I hate dumping everything on her. I don't want to be like keeping everything to myself again...

Thanks so much.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 20th 2011, 07:58 PM

If you go to school, I recommend talking to a guidance counsellor. I know that a lot of students believe them to be incompetent (and sometimes they can be!) but they have knowledge about community resources, and often times (around here, at least) there is a social worker there. They can find free counseling for you if it is available in the community. I didn't know there was such a thing, but I did that and now I have counseling that doesn't cost me anything, which is great because my parents refuse to pay for a therapist and they also don't care to take me to a hospital when I'm really sick.

And on the topic of suicide, please don't kill yourself. I actually bookmarked a page- it's called "Suicide: Read This First."

:/ It says I can't post the URL, but if you google it, it should be the first one on there...
   
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Re: I Think This Will Be My Last Post - March 21st 2011, 03:06 AM

We have a social worker at our school, but it's only for certain people. I've talked to my counselor at school and she didn't help what-so-ever. I've read that a lot, actually. It helps some. But I'm just at the point where I really don't care but I do, and... You know? And I've looked for that. There isn't any where I live. So, I suppose I could "talk" again, but I doubt it'll do anything. I've been surprised before, so you never know... I really appreciate your help and everybody else's too.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
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