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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ella.x Offline
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I'm so sick of this - March 20th 2011, 09:44 PM

I can't do it anymore. I can't carry on. I'm so sick of feeling this low. I cried at work today. 3 times in a 6-hour shift. It's pathetic. I have this constant sense of impending doom, like the world is going to come crashing down around me at any second. Nothing feels or looks right either, it's like everything's fake. I barely even recognise myself in the mirror anymore. People at work have noticed too - I can't concentrate and I can't smile. I sound like a robot. I was doing good until recently and now I'm back to where I started, back to the familiar hopelessness.
If I can get out of bed tomorrow morning, I'm going to ring and try to get a doctors appointment coz I can't be like this at work. I honestly don't know if the doctor will even be able to help though. None of the antidepressants I tried did anything for me. Even the psychiatrist couldn't figure me out when I was seeing him. Is it worth even surviving till tomorrow? I really think the only thing to do is kill myself now. I'm pretty sure I've got enough pills/bleach/razors etc to do it, hell, I could even hang myself from the tree outside my window. I'm so tired of waiting for things to get better. I want them to be better now. I can't cope. Can anyone save me from myself? I don't think I can anymore.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 20th 2011, 10:07 PM

Hey there.

I am really sorry that you're feeling this way. Being stuck in depression like you're is a really horrible place to be and a difficult one to get out but not impossible!

Firstly the I want you to know that the person who can help you the most is you. I also want you to know that other people can and will help you, they care for you and want whats best for you, but that they can only do so if they know what is going on so you have to tell them and let them in. You have to meet them half way and put in a hell of a lot of hard work and effort to get through this.

Yes at the end of the day you can give up. You can use what ever it is you have and go ahead and hurt yourself. But thats giving up and I honestly believe that deep down even, even thought you're feeling pretty rubbish right now, you don't want to give up. That actually you are crying for help and just want someone there to help you get through this. You're in control of your own actions. Ultimately only you can fully stop yourself from hurting yourself. People can help you though, they can be there to support you and for you to lean on them and thats okay for you to do so.

Do you have anyone to talk to? If not I think it might be really good for you to try and let someone in. Whether thats being a friend, a family member, a teacher, a doctor, a nurse or even looking in to therapy. People can support you through this and be a bit of support to keep you up and encourage you when you need it. I know talking to people and letting them in to whats going on is incredibly hard but if it means you getting help and feeling better that its so worth it. I really think you ringing the doctors to get an appointment is a great and a brave step to take and I honestly believe they can help you even if its just you having someone to talk to about how you're feeling and what you're feeling. In the meantime, if you need anyone though I want to encourage you to ring a hotlines. These people are here to help people like yourself. They understand its a big deal for you to get in contact with them and they won't push you in to saying anything you don't want to and they won't judge you.

I know things are really hard for you right now but you can't give up. What would even have been the point in feeling all the pain you have been feeling, to go through all the long days and dark nights to just give up? You have your whole life ahead of you and you go on to be whoever you want to be and do what ever you want to do. You have everything to live for and even though it doesn't feel like it right now things can and will get better, you won't always feel this way. You're a lovely person and deserve happiness and you can get there.

I really hope this helps a bit and that things start to look up. Remember you don't have to be alone in this, people can help you.

Take good care of yourself.
Jessie.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 21st 2011, 08:09 AM

I have a doctors appointment in 2 1/2 hours. I'm terrified that she won't take me seriously. I feel sick just thinking about the fact that I'm going to have to tell someone what's going on in my head. I don't know how I'm gonna do this.
   
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 21st 2011, 05:15 PM

It is scary. But you're so brave for going! I hope it turned out well and they took you seriously- many doctors will, I think. Tell us how it went! Good luck (though it may be a little late to say so!)
   
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 21st 2011, 05:41 PM

Hey there

I'm really glad you got an appointment at your doctors. I hope that it went okay an that your doctor did in fact take you seriously because you deserve the help. Keeps us updated on whats happening

Chin up.
Jessie. <3


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 21st 2011, 11:00 PM

I got given a prescription for 4 weeks worth of the anti depressants I was on before and told to phone the psychiatric unit that I was referred to to get them to give me an appointment or something. Prettymuch a complete waste of time considering it made me 15 mins late for work. I don't even know if I want to take these pills. I'm so confused.
   
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 03:25 AM

Take the pills and see how they work. Give the doctor the benefit of the doubt, if he thinks they'll work then...what's the worst thing that can happen if you do take them?


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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 04:15 AM

I agree ^. Take the pills and just see if they work. Hang in there dear, better days are ahead. If you ever need anything, I am here for you. I love you dear<3 xxx
   
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 08:34 AM

Thanks for the support guys. I've decided to take them since I've already paid for them. I need to ring up my mental health team and get them to give me an appointment to see someone, I don't think I will though. I know I need help, I just don't have the energy to fight for it every step of the way.

And I just cut myself, knowing that self harm is going to stop me from getting the job I want. Nice going, Ella. Really intelligent.

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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 09:07 AM

I'm glad you have decided to take the pills I know that it is scarry but i would advise you to make the phone call and go. It will help you and it's for the best and you will get help fighting of you do go. I know its so hard to fight everything sometimes but you need to stay strong If you ever feel low or upset and want to talk/rant then im here
And what job do you want? Maybe its not to late to get help and stop cutting so you can still get the job. But getting better will take time and effort but it will get better
Stay strong <3


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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 09:44 AM

I want to work with disabled adults, like be a support worker or carer. If I don't tell anyone that I'm still cutting, I have 2 years and 10 months before I can apply for that job as then I will be considered "stable". I'm gonna do it though, I'm going to prove to that stupid occupational health consultant that he can't discriminate against me and expect me to just take it. I'd say the cutting is more of a symptom rather than a problem these days as I don't do it very often, so if I can get my head sorted, then the cutting should stop on its own.
I just rang the mental health team and the care co-ordinator I've been referred to is away till thursday but apparently she's gonna ring me when she gets back. I feel so selfish for taking their time away from people who really need it though.
   
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Re: I'm so sick of this - March 22nd 2011, 09:50 AM

You should not feel selfish hun. Your not wasting their time. If you didn't need help then they would not have refered you or told you to phone would they? Well done for phoning it was a hard thing to do and you should be so proud of yourself I am very proud of you!
Try using alternatives to cutting next time you feel like doing it. You could try things like painting, writing or drawing maybe. And Just stay strong you can get through this And you will get to do the job that you want to. Your amazing and can do anything <3


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