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carmen92 Offline
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Maybe is better... - March 21st 2011, 09:55 AM

This is the first time when I talk about. I have 19 years. Up to 18 I grew up in an orphanage. Those 18 years were a nightmare meaning beatings, rapes, starvation ... While I was in that orphanage, I thought the worse is not possible. But life is very surprising. When I turned 18 I was kicked out of the orphanage as the law says.Basically I got on the streets penniless and without any support. I slept in sewers, in the train station, subway stations ... I hardly found work as a cleaning lady a few blocks. So they let me living in the room where are the brooms and buckets and I can buy something to eat with the money I earn. I am afraid of people, especially men after I was raped several times as a child in the orphanage. My whole life is a nightmare.Every night I think of what to do for living normally. But I concluded that I have no chance in this life. It says that in the other world, the world of deaths, if you were good in this, you will have happiness. And I want to be happy, even just a little.
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pixietheangel Offline
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Re: Maybe is better... - March 22nd 2011, 07:35 PM

omg your story is so moving and so horrible. noone deserves to be treated like that at all, ever. contact the police, if they raped you they broke the law. call the police anf file a report case/ sue the orhpanage anything. i hope so badly that you get help asap. are there any friends/lost relatives you can go to? are there any groups you can join that will give you help? keep going, whatever you do do not kill youself. you can get through this. there are lots of charities you could appeal too to find shelter like nightsafe. it is good that you have a job. is there anyone at your work place you can talk to? your boss? colleges? anyone that could let you stay at their house or give you a better job? . you have been through so much and it makes me want to cry thinking about you. i want to give you a hug its so unfair. dam right you want happiness and you should get it. apply for jobs, try and meet people? get guidance ssessions? tell anyone and evevryone? first step contact the police they should be able to help. you have been beaten and raped that is higly illegal. the orpahnage should be shut down and them locked away. dont le tthem get away with it they are scum and shoulf be shoved in prison ok? . you are an amazing erson to put up with this and i hope you make it ok. PM ME XX and let me now how everyhting is ok? <3 love pixie <3 bless you

Change the voices in your head,
make them like you instead
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floatingangel Offline
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Re: Maybe is better... - March 24th 2011, 01:29 AM

hey there, i agree with pixie.. although you may not feel like it's under your control, i hope that you would be able to sue the orphanage. it will not solve your current problems but it may give you a bit of peace. also, the children who are still in the orphanage are in danger as well. don't let them get away with this.
it sounds like you feel really helpless now.. and yet you still have some hope in you, which i think is awesome. hope will really keep you going, and one day i believe that you would be an inspiration to people you meet, i know you've inspired me (:
it's not easy for you to get out of your past. and you probably will never be rid of it.. still, that does not mean that you'll not be happy one day.
continue searching.. make friends.. let yourself trust a bit but only to the level that you're comfortable with...
be kind with yourself because to get out of this nightmare, it may take years and years, even decades..
but there is hope. don't forget that there is hope..

and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
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