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Unhappy I just don't know anymore - March 22nd 2011, 07:11 AM

I don't know if I can keep this front up any longer. For years I have tried and not tried to find someone who likes me beyond platonic feelings. I have so far found, or heard of, no one who has ever had these feelings for me. I am sick of people saying I just need to be patient and that it'll happen. Well what if it won't? No one has ever asked me out or been rumored to like me.

I have always had this capability to pick up how people truly feel no matter what they tell me or others. I can tell how they feel in certain situations, at that moment and how they feel towards others. No one has ever given off those vibes to me, every once in a while I think someone does but it quickly disappears and becomes false hope as they chase after someone else.

The worst part about all of this, is that I have accepted that I might live my life alone without a romantic connection. That I may never have 25th year anniversaries or second honeymoons. I've convinced myself that I am unloveable and it is slowly tearing me apart.

I find that I have to force myself to be excited about things and that I am so good at faking it no one ever knows, no one ever asks me if I'm alright. It scares me sometimes that I am spiraling into becoming this void person. I'm so frightened to go to a therapist or talk to anyone about this, I don't want to burden others when my job as an RA is to be stable, happy, helpful and supportive of a building full of college freshmen and even to my friends....I just don't know what to do anymore...
   
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 22nd 2011, 07:44 AM

Sorry your feeling like this. it sucks. I feel exactly the same though. I have always been the strong one for everyone else and sorted everyone elses problems out. Helped them find relationships. Whilst I on the other hand have kept quiet and suffered in silence and never had anyone so much as look at me. I have started to think that it must be me. I'm unloveable, i'm not pretty enough, i'm to fat. While in reality that's not the truth. Your perfect just as you are. You will find someone soon and they will be amazing just like you deserve. I'm sure you would rather wait and have someone special than have someone just for the sake of it.
And as for talking I know it's scary i'm terrified to talk. I have always put on a front so How can I break that front now? But you have to try or things will only get worse. Try getting a therapist. Noone has to know and noone other than you and the therapist will ever know what you have said. You won't burnden them it's their job to listen if not you could always talk/rant whatever to me. I don't mind at all just pm me if you want
Stay strong and take care <3


xxxxxxx Take care xxxxxxx

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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 22nd 2011, 08:09 AM

I'll eventually work up to the therapist going (my school has there own center). And thank you for understanding it made me feel a lot better finding someone who is always the strong one and has difficulty talking about their own problems. I can assure you no one I know has both qualities.

I might take you up on the ranting sometimes, and you are more then welcome to rant to me if you need in return

Thank you so much!! <3
   
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 22nd 2011, 08:16 AM

It will be hard to start with but it will help i'm going to take the first step to i'm petrified but we can do this
I'm glad I helped And yeah it feels better knowing your not the only one
Feel free to rant whenever you like it can really help
Your welcome
And Thank you x <3


xxxxxxx Take care xxxxxxx

If you ever need ANYTHING just ask (:
Feel Free to leave me a message anytime:
VmPM

I won't let you close enough to hurt me
help link mentor Live help operator
  Send a message via MSN to Anatidaephobia Send a message via Skype™ to Anatidaephobia 
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