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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 07:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i cant do this anymore
i dont deserve to be happy
i dont deserve to be alive
i just cut right now
im freaking out
just really ..really...REALLY want to kill myself right now

Drew
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Re: i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 07:25 AM

You may not agree with me, but you DO deserve happiness, and you deserve every bit of it too. Everybody does. From what I've gathered from some of your previous threads, you seem to be blaming yourself for your friends' deaths. I've lost some very close friends by means of suicide, and I sometimes wonder if things would just have turned out at least a LITTLE differently if I had done such-and-such things to them while they were still alive, but in the end, the decision was still theirs.

I've had suicidal thoughts too before, so I find it easy to put myself in others' shoes. When others kill themselves, they are not trying to make a statement that their family stinks, or their friends are terrible. They aren't trying to comment on how bad the people around them are. Basically, they aren't trying to say "oh, look, I killed myself because my family and friends all suck at being good family and friends and thus have made me kill myself". The whole point of being suicidal is that you think YOU yourself, and NOT anyone else, is doing a disservice to the world, so that's undoubtedly how your friends felt too when they made that decision. They weren't trying to send a message about how lame of a friend you were. And I'm certain you were not a lame friend at all.

Hopefully this post makes at least some sense. I just thought I'd say a few things since reading things like these spark a "been there, done that" reaction within me. I'm truly sorry for your loss...
   
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Re: i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 07:42 AM

well another freind might be dead too...
all because of me
ah well..at least i still have my plan
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Re: i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 07:44 AM

Okay... back up a little bit. Who says it's your fault that they died? Unless you directly murdered them, there's no way you can say that they were dead all because of you...
   
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Re: i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 09:38 AM

she wrote me a email that sounds just like a suicide note.
and i still have the rest of my story to tell...

i give up..im done
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Re: i cant do this - March 23rd 2011, 11:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Miss You View Post

i give up..im done
No, you can't. Giving up is NEVER an option (and this is coming from someone who's also struggled with depression!). Plus, none of us here are going to just passively stand by and let that happen. I'll be honest: I really don't think that had anything to do with you personally. As I posted earlier, I don't think she was trying to say you were a bad friend and then send you a suicide note to make you feel bad about yourself. In fact, it could be just the opposite -- a note like that is highly personal, and to address it to certain people immediately means the addressees are important to that person. Like, if I were to write a suicide note, I'd definitely address it to my parents, just so they knew what was going through my head at that instant and why I made the decision I did. I really don't think she's trying to imply that you made her suicidal.
   
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Re: i cant do this - March 24th 2011, 12:02 PM

she overdosed..she took 18 pills..differnt ones with vodka
ah well..at least i still have my plan
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Re: i cant do this - March 24th 2011, 08:42 PM

I'm really sorry about your friends, that must be aweful. But think about it, really. Would they really want you to kill yourself as well? I'm pretty sure, that they would want you to live your life to it's full potential.
If you kill yourself, you are not solving anything. You're running away from your problems, when the best thing to do is to confront them outright. Start a fresh, focus on your dreams and decide what you want to do with your life. Maybe set a night aside, and use it to decide what you want to do in the future. Maybe write a list or something?
Like, maybe you want to live in a certain place, or start a family or something? Depending on how old you are of course :') You might want to focus on getting a job or good grades or whatever. There's always something to set your mind to and get going.
Make your life one that people will remember forever. You can be anything you want to be. Don't throw this away.
If you ever want to talk, I am always here, okay?
And by the way, My Immortal is a beaauuuutiful song. :-) Good luck!xxxxxxxx
   
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