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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lovehatelife23 Offline
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Could i feel any worse bout myself... - March 24th 2011, 03:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Could i feel any worse then i am now? I feel real bad bout last nite. I feel terrible. I tried to kill myself last nite n it didnt work. Latley all ive been thinkin is Suicide. Im trying to get it out of my head. Its killin me in the inside. Wat do i do? My friend started to FREAK out bc i was talking to him while i was doing it. I feel terrible today for wat i did. Now do i try to make it better or just get it over with n Say GOODBYE? Idk anymore. Im not the person i was before a couple of years ago. I think this year is going down hill. Next month im turning 20 n i feel like my life past me real fast where i cant catch up with everything. I feel terrible bc of myself n how im treating my parents. They seemed to really worried bout me all the time. But then i didnt care for who worried i just wanted to be dead. I dont like to do it to my parents. But lately im just a Lost Little girl tat forgot bout everything. Im just stupid for doing this. But idk anymore bout myself. It just going down hill n not going back up. But the good thing is i Threw away my razors tat i was cutting myself with. So im going to stop doing tat now. N see if tat helps n will make it better. But then Wat if i cant stop the urge? Wat if i do it again will i make it worse then wat i did last nite? Would i bleed to death? Would i need to go to the Hospital? Could i just lay there n suffer till i say my last words. I feel like im losing it. I feel like one min im happy then one min im depressed. I have terrible moods swings. i just dont know myself anymore. Im a stupid, useless,not good enough person to be living on this earth anymore.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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bethhhjo Offline
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Re: Could i feel any worse bout myself... - March 24th 2011, 08:34 PM

Everyone comes to that place, where they really don't know if it's worth living anymore. You're not stupid or worthless, you're just struggling to find who you really are. And that's okay :-)
The thing is, this is your life, and you have any right to do whatever you want with it. So, what do you want to do with it? Why not focus on your dreams and aspirations, and try to fulfill them, 'cause you could actually make something of your life, and make a difference, and be happy. Please, don't throw it all away.
Don't blame your friend for freaking out, she/he's probably worried. I got an e-mail once, from my friend, telling me that she was in hospital after she'd tried to commit suicide. It's the worst feeling ever, when you find out that your friend's been keeping secrets and putting her life at risk, and you couldn't help her. I really felt like a let down, and that's probably how your friend feels now. At least you know that she/he cares about you, and clearly wants to help you and be there for you.
You have people who love you, and please don't forget it. You have a purpose on this earth, and you have soooo much potential.
You are such an amazing person, for being able to put this out here and ask for advice. You don't want to die, you just proved it, by posting on TH. You're taking the first steps, by asking for advice. I'm really, really proud that you were able to do that.
Keep pushing forward. Talk to people. Anyone, that you trust. Or if you can't find anybody, I'm always here, for a chat about anything that's bothering you. Or just to see that you're okay :')
You'll be okay, i know you will. Keep going, you're an amazing human being, and don't forget it. Well done, and good luck :-) xxxxxxx
   
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Lovehatelife23 Offline
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Re: Could i feel any worse bout myself... - March 25th 2011, 12:52 PM

i havent really thought of wat i want to do with my life. theres nothing i really want to do rather then die. Ive tried to make a plan but it always seemed to go away all the time. I dont have a dream to look at. I have bad dreams all the time so i couldnt really look at a good one. My dreams get real intense like where im dead or my parents die or i kill myself or im in trouble or im going back to a mental hospital. soo it gets real intense. so i dont have good dreams. never. all ive been thinkin is suicide. idk why but its my fanticy of looking of how i would do it n why n wat reasoni would do it. so idk anymore. im trying to lock up my razors so i dont be trying to hurt myself again. im trying to see if tat helps. soo im trying but its not helping. now im trying to work on my other arm. i feel like i need it but then i try to tell myself no. n How am i suppose to get a job when i have alll these cuts n scars on me. sooo untill they heal n they go away then i cant get a job. idk anymore bout myself. im just a bad person anymore. im a person who thinks of suicide. i hate life the way it is. it always seems to be like its not going to be better. ya my dad always seems to be worried bout me. my dad loves me very much n he would do anything to help me. n my mom gets pissed when i do it again. she gives me tat look at me like *WHY the HELL you do tat?* sooo idk anymore. i think my mom is giving up on me idk. ya i freaked out my friend bc i was talking to him while i was trying to kill myself n he trying to get my to stop but it was too late for wat ive done. but i ened up living anyways. it didnt work. SHOOT! I wanted to die. I wanted to say my last words. I wanted him to say goodbye but he wouldnt. he was really scared. i tried to slice my arm real bad til it split wide open n i would bleed to death. But i didnt push down hard enough. my cousin is mad at me too bc she totally told me tat if i keep on doing it she would come to my house n do it for me but worse. So im kinda scared but then im not.

sry its long


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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