TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Deep Depression - March 25th 2011, 12:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Everyday it seems to get worse. Usually it comes in waves and lasts a few hours a day, but now, its constantly coming and going everyday triggered by as little as a thought. I found out after fighting with my bf that its not that he is not depressed, but that he doesnt know how to express his emotions at all. Im really tired of this world. I wanna kill myself more than anything. My last therapy appointment reminded me of past memories that I dont want to remember and my dad who I painfully miss, but who wants nothing to do with me. Apparently, I complain to my bf all the time and I dont mean to dump everything on him, but I have no one else to talk to. All my friends are gone for one reason or another and I dont want to make any new friends. They will just leave too. So whats the point? This is a cruel world, one that I dont want to have anything to do with. Something that was able to keep me going was my dream of my degree, but because of this fucking depression I cant seem to get myself to even get to class. Either because I cant wake up, I cant be satisfied enough with my appearance to leave my room, or something like that. Now Im falling behind in homework too because my computer hasnt started for the past few days and i have to wait till I go home to get it fixed. All I want to just to sleep though. Sleep forever. I cant get through school and I know my parents will harass me to death for it and rubb it in my face like always because I cant transfer to the school I need to go to to get my dream degree. Im so sick of being put down, and I cant stand to be alone. Im terrified and heart broken. I just want to give up. Ive been cutting again, starting to do it more and more. I almost forgot how good it felt. So much pain that I cant seem to get rid of. I cant keep going like this.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
Find yourself and be that
I've been here a while
********
 
Whisperer's Avatar
 
Name: Alessa
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 1,937
Blog Entries: 118
Join Date: May 17th 2009

Re: Deep Depression - March 25th 2011, 02:59 PM

Hey there,
You are right, you can't keep going like this. This isn't a way to live your life. If your boyfriend isn't there for you when you need someone to talk to, I hate to say it, but he isn't really a good boyfriend. Use your therapist to talk to. All of us here will also listen to you. Also, there must be some sort of counselor at your school that can help you through school days. That's what I need. I check in with my school phycologist between classes, take breaks when I need them, and it helps me make it through the day. You can always use a computer at school or at a library. There's solutions to everything, sometimes they just aren't always obvious. You can make it through this. There are other ways to feel better that aren't permanent. I have to go the bell just rang for my next class I'll finish this when I get home.
Hold you head high!
Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
Protector of Gotham
I can't get enough
*********
 
Batman.'s Avatar
 
Name: Julz
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada

Posts: 2,724
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: December 14th 2009

Re: Deep Depression - March 25th 2011, 03:11 PM

Jessica,

You know deep-down that it wouldn't be worth it to kill yourself. Has your therapist started a new course of treatment since we last talked? Recovery from mental illnesses, whether it be Depression, or something else, takes time. Sometimes, a lot of time, and you just have to stick with it, so things will be better one day.

As far as your boyfriend goes, I'm pretty sure he had some idea of what to expect when he got into the relationship. Frankly, if he can't handle you "complaining to him", I'd imagine he'd part ways. Honestly, he's probably just a bit frustrated because he can't help you as much as he'd like to. Believe me, my boyfriend is the same way, and sometimes he gets so upset over it. When you love someone, they mean everything to you, and seeing them in pain can, in turn, cause you pain.

Maybe you should sit down and talk to your boyfriend in a non-complaining manner, just letting him know how much it means to you that you can talk to him and such. If you show your gratitude, it'll at least re-assure him that any efforts he makes, anything he listens to, etc. isn't an absolute lost cause.

Also, talk to your doctor/therapist/whomever about your emotions. Everything you tell them helps with the diagnostic process, and helps with treatment.


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation



   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Deep Depression - March 26th 2011, 12:33 AM

My college doesn't have computers that you can use. Only standing ones, which sucks. I got mine to work, but it's still having issues and it sucks because I just got it a month ago and my grandparents were the ones who got it for me like they do everything else since niether of my parents can. So I feel really guilty about all of that. It kinda ties into all that stuff which is what makes it a big deal.

I can't concentrate on ANYTHING. I feel like something is eating up my insides and leaving me hollow. I'm starting to not even care about my classes anymore. My boyfriend said he was just getting triggered by what I was telling him, and he had built up emotions. He said he didn't mean to say that to me, but it was frustrating to him because he felt like nothing he did was helping me, which really, when we are together I feel better. It's just every time we are apart I spiral out of control even worse.

I talk to my therapist and my doctor about my emotions, but they can't seem to help. None of the medications work, and talking doesn't help either. I'm always paranoid about the worst of things happening and dwell over them. I feel guilty about everything. Scared, angry, and flat out depressed, so much my body aches just to move. I just want to sleep together and let the world slip away. I don't want any to do with it anymore, and I'm seriously thinking on it.

If I do leave, I know I won't fail this time. This is not a place I want to live, and I can't live in this pain. How much longer must I endure it? I can't function at all. Everyday is some sort of struggle one way or another. Some crazy battle. I don't want to fight anymore. I can't keep going.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
Find yourself and be that
I've been here a while
********
 
Whisperer's Avatar
 
Name: Alessa
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 1,937
Blog Entries: 118
Join Date: May 17th 2009

Re: Deep Depression - March 26th 2011, 06:29 PM

I know how much you don't want to fight it anymore. But, you can't let this beat you. You are stronger than that. And trust me, it may not feel like it now, but it's worth it in the end. I know it's really frustrating but you will get through this. Keep using the resources you have like your therapist. Maybe try some other alternative things to deal with it like art, writing, etc. I always hated therapists and it always seemed worse after I went there. Now I see an art therapist and it's so much better. Sometimes not even talking, just doing a project makes me feel better. Don't give up, you can make it through.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Deep Depression - March 26th 2011, 07:29 PM

Thank you very much for trying to help, and being here and reading these messages really do help for the sole reason I don't feel so alone. But still, it's only to an extent. I've tried art and writing and all of that, but I've lost my muse and only get frustrated with it, so that doesn't end up helping at all anymore. It used to be a great way for me to deal with it, and was all the medicine I needed. However, things have gotten so much worse, I find everything pointless now.

I try to look at the little things, to tell myself how lucky I am. Like maybe I got to eat something that I really like. I love pasta, and I ate pasta today. Some simple little thing. I'm trying to start from scratch and I think, not everyone gets hot pasta to eat whenever they want. It might not be wonderfully cooked, but it's still super yummy. Hot showers feel so good too, and so does laying down with a bunch of stuffed animals and a book, but again that only goes so far. It can keep me from going over the edge, but doesn't do anything for the pain. When I step back... so many horrible things happen on a daily basis that I feel like I must be cursed. It's so hard to even breathe, and I need to make some progress, but in so many years, I have not.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
deep, depression

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.