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EllieBeth Offline
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Question It won't stop - March 30th 2011, 01:36 AM

I've been depressed for so long now. Last year my partner pushed me to reach out for help. I didn't want to but realized that I needed to if I didn't want my sister to grow up without me. I called an emergency hotline one night and they arranged for me to see a social worker. I went for a few weeks and she was really nice. She gave me a workbook for depression and anxiety and even though I was extremely skeptical about self help books I gave it a shot. I never truly confided in her and would often say I was okay and that it was working. Mainly to make my partner feel more secure that I was getting better.

She recommended I go see a doctor and after a few attempts I actually did. Since then I've been on numerous medications. Nothing helps. Some actually made it a lot worse. I stopped taking them after a couple months out of frustration and tried to kill myself and completely broke down. My partner told my dad and he guilted me into going back on treatments. I was referred to a mental health clinic which never got in contact with me.

I'm still on medication and I actually thought this one helped, but now that the dosage went up all the progress I felt I had made disappeared. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I constantly feel sad, empty or hurt. I'm failing my courses because I spend more time hiding in the bathroom than I do in class. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't remember anything. I can't sleep. I'm constantly stressed. Shouldn't the medication stop this? Or am I expecting too much? I feel that the doctor will think I'm making it up if I tell him it's not working. I just don't know what the medication is meant to do or if it actually will help? I just can't seem to shake this and I'm so sick of trying.
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ARootlessTree Offline
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Re: It won't stop - March 30th 2011, 02:08 AM

Hiya Ellie
First off, congratulate yourself for pulling through for this long. You've come this far, surely you can find it in yourself to keep going. Tell your doctor about what's happening. It's something that should be brought to his attention. Hang tough, your sister needs you. I'm always here if you need me as well

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Anatidaephobia Offline
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Re: It won't stop - March 31st 2011, 04:24 AM

Sorry your going through such a tough time. Depression can be extremly hard to deal with everyday things and everything will always seem so much more difficult and negative. But you are strong and you have taken the hardest step in seeking help. I too am in the same position as you and feel that my treatment is not really working but we will find one that is. You just need to communicate with the doctor. Tell them honestly how the treatment is making you feel. Thats the only way you can help yourself. As for talking maybe you could get a counsellor. Then open up to her. Of course this would not be straight away you would get to know and trust them first and then when YOU feel ready you can talk. Noone can force you but i think its important in order for you to get better. Stick with it hun things will get better.
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