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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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How could she do that to me? - April 1st 2011, 01:01 AM

I have depression and have been getting better, but lately I've been feeling pretty down. I cut myself again for the first time in a month, and my best friend found out. She's also been dealing with some depression of her own. I cut my leg with a razor yesterday, and today it was still bleeding a little bit. So I told my friend (I don't know why, it was stupid.) and she just said "Well..." and walked off. Then about an hour later when we were alone again she asked, "What did you say again? I didn't hear you." I knew she had heard me, but still I repeated it again and she had the same reply. After school I took a walk with her, and she admitted that she was not only depressed, but really mad. She said she was really pissed off at the world and was taking it out on other people. And she also said she knew what I said about the cut on my leg, but she asked me to repeat it so it would hurt me to have to admit it again. She intentionally tried to hurt me. After years of being my most loyal friend, so just tries to hurt me? I don't know what to say. I can't believe she did that. And did it hurt me to admit I've been cutting again, a little bit. She also said on our walk that having depression is just weakness. She also said she wanted to scream at me for cutting again and that it's stupid.
God, what the hell is her problem? She never acted like this before. I can't believe she said these things. I don't know what to do and don't want to talk to her anymore. All she's been doing is making me more depressed. I really feel like avoiding her.


   
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Re: How could she do that to me? - April 1st 2011, 03:56 AM

Depression could often make others feel irritable. Thus a partial explanation for her response. To complete it you could also explain it as, "She wants you to feel bad about it to discourage you from doing it again."

Often people will try to use social awkwardness or alienation to discourage certain behaviors. I would definitely try to stay connected with your friend. You both seem like you are in a time of need and having someone could really help.

I hope that you can find the strength to rise above your suffering and find the light in your every day life. To help you with that, have you considered seeing a psychological or medical professional? I know that when I felt depressed it was very liberating to finally find a way to improve the way I was feeling by talking with a therapist and working through the thought patterns that were hindering me.



   
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Re: How could she do that to me? - April 1st 2011, 02:29 PM

It isn't easy is it? I think she's trying to help you, by trying to tell you how wrong it is to be depressed. I guess you should be flattered, that's she's angry that you can even get depressed. She obviously cares alot. From what you said she just seems angry things have been so tough on you. And I think she meant by repeating it it hurt you, and that's a good thing. It proves cutting isn't really helping you. Put it behind you and move on. She is honestly trying to help you, just not the way most people would.
   
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Re: How could she do that to me? - April 2nd 2011, 07:58 AM

Hey Shelby. I can totally relate to this. My best friend ended up breakin up with me for a whole week just because I cut. I was really upset with her for betraying me and leaving me when she was the one person I needed most but I came to understand that the reason why she did that was becausee she couldn't handle it. She didn't know how to deal with the fact I self harm or that I'm depressed and so she just stopped talking to me .She thought i was doing something wrong but all it was I was dealing with my emotions by cutting. And until I explained to her that self-harm is a coping mechanism for me and depression is my whole state of mind right now, she wouldn't have understood. Maybe if you talk to your friend and explain to her why you cut and what makes you feel this way she may end up understanding properly and supporting you a lot more.
   
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Re: How could she do that to me? - April 2nd 2011, 02:03 PM

Hey there.

I am really sorry that you're feeling this way right now and that you need support but that your friend has acted this way towards you. It's not far at all and you definitely don't deserve it.

The first thing which I want to say to you is that having depression doesn't make you weak at all. Depression is a blumin difficult thing to get through and the fact that you are feeling depressed, having these thoughts and feeling this way but that you are still here right now and fighting through it shows a hell of a lot of strength. Its a hard thing to get through and to live a life why you feel this way and you being here still is something to be damn proud of because it takes so much strength do so. And I know I am proud of you because I honestly know how hard it is and how much strength and effort you have to put in to get through and reach the other side.

Sometimes when we feel this way we can get very irritable like the whole world is pointless, everyones out to wreck everything and generally be angry towards the world and I think this might be how your friend feels right now. Its really unfortunate that you're both feeling low at the same time because sometimes we can clash with people when its like that. Perhaps you could talk to her and make sure shes aware how you're feeling and that you understand how you are feeling but that you don't think it was far and didn't appreciate the way she has acted towards you. Perhaps you can give each other some space. That doesn't mean not having any contact with each other, you can still talk and see each other but maybe just not as much. But again, thats up to you. If you think it would help then it might be a good idea but if you don't think it will then you don't have too. But it would be a shame to lose your friendship because of depression.

You're so much stronger than this and I know things are really hard for you right now but you can and you will get through this. You are honestly strong and I think its amazing that you're still here fighting. It really is something to be proud of. You have your whole life ahead of you and there is so much ahead of you. Never give up because you can pull through this.

I hope this helps. Keep your chin up.
Jessie. <3


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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