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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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part VI:my best freind's murder - April 6th 2011, 09:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

for the people who have been following my story..and who have replyed..i thank you very much....

but i begin...i must warn people here...this is very triggering..and very graphic...


This is the story of my best freind's and his family's murder....Part: 1

in March 2007..i had the police called on me twice for suicidal/self harm issues..

but in april 2007..the cops came to my house a third time...

A reason that i will never be able to..and still cant understand to this very day...

To understand this story better..you have to go back to the night before:

My best freind Russell and I were talking about the stuff we had seen on TV that night...

How was i supposed to know that it would be the last night of his life.

Russell and I had known each other since we were seniors in high school..We were really close freinds..We both graduated from high school in 1991.and our freindship got stronger.

We live near each other for many years..i used to see his family all the time.i considered his mother like a second mom.

His family was a lot like mine..his father was less then a year older then my dad..His sister was just a day older then my brother.

and his mother was a year older then my mom...

Anyways..i have known him since i was eighteen..more then half of my adult life.

so the night after i had talked to him..i went to sleep..

But two days later i was thrust into a unspeakable hell..that im still trapped in..

I was sleeping ..and two homcide detectives from the Shasta County Sherrif's showed up on my doorstep...

They informed my father about what happened..

then my father came into my room as i was sleeping and said"Russell and his family were killed and the cops want to speak to you".

in my mind im thinking"WHAT!?!?!..."


So i walked into the living room..and saw the two cops there when one of them said"we are here about what happened to your freind and his family".


And so they told me what happened on the morning of April 10th,2007.


Russell's father,Richard,66. was shot twice in the head at point blank range,His sister Susan 31,was also shot twice in the head at point blank range.

Russell's brother..Bret 38,was shot to death while he was sleeping,as was his sister Cindy 37, and his neice Lisa 13...the cause of death for all was gunshot wounds.

after they were shot to death..The house was set on fire ...And the house was destroyed...i had my mom tivo the news..and i saw the burning buliding for myself..even tho i didnt let out a scream..i did on the inside..

as the cops were telling me this..all i could think of was killing myself.

They asked me questions about his family and stuff ...All i wanted to do was get the fuck out of there and run to my room and never come out..


They did two aptopsies a day..and they said that Russell was burned so badly that they needed dental records to identify him..

To this day as i sit here writing this...i still cant imagine my life without him.


His mother always told me that if something ever happened to my parents that i could live with him...

Russell always told me i was like a brother to him...

I wish i could kill myself and join him....

Drew
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 7th 2011, 01:18 AM

Hey.

Listen, I know... It's going to be hard getting through something like this. I couldn't imagine if my best friend was killed, much less her family, as her family includes my aunt. It would be bad.

But think on it: Would Russell want you to die? I know it sounds cruel, but think back on him, his memory. If he could visit you, right now, and read those words you typed over your shoulder, what would he say about you killing yourself?

You need to stay strong, Drew. The police will find something, and Russell's murderer will be apprehended. If I were you, I'd want to be alive to see that, to see his murderer brought low. Even if you aren't like me, just hold your head up high and fight through it. You can do it; you can get through this.

One more thing: Don't bottle up your feelings. Cry if you need to. See a therapist if you need to. You'll get through it.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 7th 2011, 11:00 AM

two weeks after they had died..my girlfreind kelly and i were talking about the murders of my freind and his family...so i asked her to go to the website,so she could look read about it...

All of a sudden i came across a article that stated"DNA tests taken at the crime scene implcates family member"...

so i read the article and was shocked beyound belief..

the article went on to say that..."DNA tests taken on some glass shards found outside Bret Wilcox's bedroom window is a 99.99% match with RUSSELL'S BLOOD".

Now after reading this ..i didnt know what to think...

the article went on to say that he was hearing voices...and that the weapons used to commit the murders was a shotgun and a rifle.

Not only that ...But a crime scene photo was shown...it showed where the bodies were when the murders were commited...

This revelation made a unbearable situation even worse...

I dont understand ,why in the world that my best freind I have ever had in my life would do something like this..

It turns out after commiting the murders...he commited suicide...the fifth one i have had to go through.

to this very day as i sit here typing this.i still dont understand it,He was my best freind and i sat back and watched it unfold..

The truth is ..i shouldnt have moved away from him,I shouldnt have left him when he needed me..I let him down in the worst possible way...

This must have started after his mother died of breast cancer in January 2003..But i didnt see any personality changes at all in him..after the one year anniversary of his mother's death..he said he came to terms with it.

boy was i wrong...

At this point..i just want to join him,I just want to go away once and for all.To not complain anymore...To not have to deal with this anymore.And last but not least ...not to feel anything anymore..

I just want it to be over...ONCE and for all..

I cant handle this..i just cant do this

im done....
Drew
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 8th 2011, 12:48 AM

No, it's not over, and you're sure as my heck not done.

Russell most likely had something going on in his head that only he could see and that only he knew about and that only he could stop, if he wanted to. Russell probably had some problems; these 'voices' probably told him what to do. Lemme tell you, voices can be pretty damn persuasive sometimes.

He was your best friend, and it's hard to believe someone you care about so much could do such a thing, but it's the truth. You don't need to worry. Right now, Russell is probably in Heaven, free of his voices and flying with his family and the all of his angels, happier than he has been in a long time.

You need to calm down. Find a good movie and watch it or a good book and read it. I recommend Guardians of Ga'Hoole or the Dresden Files, if you like to read. Listen to some good, loud music and meditate on it, and just do not allow yourself to think about it, and if you do, remember the good times that you and Russell had, and let them give you the strength to get through your days.

Like I said above, you are not done until you're dead. And you're not dead, and you're not dying. And honestly, do you really want to die without ever leaving your mark on the world, without ever having a family or the job of your dreams? Remember the dreams you had when you were little? Go out and fulfill them. Just don't kill yourself, or your local police will have a lot more paperwork to do and won't thank you for it at all.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 8th 2011, 06:35 AM

i feel like im done
i want out so bad
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 9th 2011, 02:04 AM

You can't get 'out'. The only thing you can do is learn to deal with it and surpass it, overcome it. Suicidal thoughts are the enemy; the only thing they will do if you surrender is invade and take completely over. You can't let that happen. You're strong enough to pull through it, even if you don't think you are. You can beat it.

Chin up, smile on, even if it isn't real. Push through every day like your breaking the ranks of your enemies, and slowly defeat this thing altogether. You can do this.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 10th 2011, 04:21 AM

im done
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 10th 2011, 03:57 PM

Alright, if you're that determined, then go ahead. But just remember your friends and family and the people that have talked to you on here, and how they're going to feel after you do it. I cry every time one of you guys kill yourself or make an attempt; even if you are just people I met online, it hurts me very deeply to see anyone give up, because there's so much ahead for you! A song I sing a lot around the house goes like this: "Shadows turn into day, if you only hold open your eyes; don't take your last breath, there's still the dawn yet; just hold open your eyes, and feel the life inside."

Because it's true. Everything gets better. Everything will get better. Have hope, have heart, have courage! You'll be alright.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 10th 2011, 04:30 PM

Russel died long before any gunshots were fired. Russel in happy now, the thing that made Russel do those terrible things is in hell. You have to realize Russel went missing after that night on the couch. He died. Russel was no more, Russel didn't hurt his family, something else inside his head... something evil did it. It wasn't his fault and even more so it wasn't your fault. Would you rather have him still alive after what he did, even if Russel wasn't really dead, only hiding behind the evil that was in his mind, once he came back he would be miserable, he couldn't live. It was for the best. He could never smile again knowing that an evil thing made him do such terrible things. Russel isn't comming back, but at least he's at peace now.

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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 13th 2011, 04:54 AM

when he died that morning...all i can say is that i also died that morning.
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 13th 2011, 03:48 PM

We all take up those we care for as an extension of our own being. Russel was a part of you that did die as he did. However it was only a piece of you, you aren't dead and you shouldn't die for a long while. He was a good person and your friend. What he did was very wrong, in a sick twisted way, but the fact he killed himself shows alot about him. He killed himself for a good reason, to stop the evil inside his head from harming anyone else. It was the most selfless act someone can commit. He died a hero, he died so no one else would be harmed by that monster he was nursing. It was a terrible, terrible thing to happen. You sound like your suffering from survivor syndrome. Get help from a doctor. At this point it is well deserved. You've done so much good. You acted as a friend to Russel. Yet the fact that he did what he did stains his memory. That hurts, but you must realize it was never his fault. Just think, you've survived for a reason. Call it fate, karma, God, or anything else you want. YOu wouldn't have survived so much tragedy if it weren't for a reason, right?

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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 13th 2011, 10:57 PM

Drew, how would anyone know Russell even existed if you do not carry his memory and stories of him in your living self for the rest of your life? Already, I can see what a good friend he must have been to you, and what a good person he must have been, but would I have ever known Russell existed, if not for you? By carrying a memory of him inside your living mind, you keep Russell alive for everyone. When you die, Russell's memory as anything other than a murderer may evaporate completely.

You'll do okay, trust me. Stay alive to keep the memory alive. Man, this isn't a good position to be getting into. Trust me. You don't want to die.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: part VI:my best freind's murder - April 19th 2011, 06:09 AM

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