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*CatchingStars* Offline
Healing my soul
I've been here a while
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Name: Corri
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Washington in 2 months

Posts: 1,157
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: August 31st 2010

my life - April 6th 2011, 03:12 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

ok some of you may know some of my life but i decdide to just get it all out well the parts i remeber the most so here i go

the first day i remeber is when i was 6yrs old thats the day i rember my mom held me because i was sick and i was in the hospitol with pnemonia and she held me for so long till the doctors were makeing her leave and i cried and she didnt want to leave i eventually got better and went home

then when i was 7 i saw a change in my mom she started doing things i didnt know of yet and i was young i didnt know what she was doing either


then at 8 the worst yr i thought then is when my mom had to leave my dad took me and my sister but my brother was put with my aunt. when my mom left was the hardest thing she was given visitations but rarly used it

when i was in the 4th grade around the age 10 or 11 when i had my first bf and experienced the worst of a relationship abuse and thats also when my step mom met my dad lil did i know they would end up married well me and my bf spent time together he was older i mustve been an easy target so he got tired i guess and he left me and this is when i was first raped the worst experience i ever had of course i had no idea what was going on i was terrified

then in the 5th is when my parents got married my dads first step moms 3rd this is when i came depressed and knew what it actually ment and then i first SHed. i met my second bf this one only last a month towards the end of the 5th grade he also was abusive i was young i didnt have anyone there to tell me this was the begainning of a horrible pattern


in the 6 grade my 5time moving schools i met the most wonderful boy i met ty he was and 8 grader older than i was and this was the yr i hated and loved the most. this yr was very fast i got sick alot that yr and missed so much of my 6grade yr this was also the yr when me and ty me not wanting to had sex i ended up pregnat so ty took me to get the abortion his brother went with us i was young and scared and his brother knew ty wouldnt be able to handle it so he took us and i got it done yet i regret it i dont know where i would be know if i havent i still wonder what my first child would look like and i dont think i would be able to handle getting pregnat ever again


7th grade i moved schools again and i was put in a class for the visually impared my bf ty we were still together since i took the bus it was easier to miss the bus and he would be there he was in high school now me 7th but i knw i was being abused but he loved me so much at the same time it was hard not to love him he was part of many charities for many different programs and this is what made me love him how much i saw he cared for me and no one else did

in the 8th grade i was a cheerleader and was very hard with my cuts on my sides and arms it was hard to move they would rip open and bleed ty was always cheering me on no one knew about us except his brother but he moved away that yr ty was devasted but he had me he said so he told me never to leave him we were engaged yes we were young but he was the one who broke it off and he was gone just like that

in the 9th grade my 6or7th school now i was getting more and more depressed sh even more now ty went to this school so it was harder he was a junior i always saw him looking at me in a matter of time he wanted me back saying we can be together and ppl can know to we dont need to sneak around now he said plz begging me he said he wont hurt me he change took cousling for a month but he said i didnt like it but im changed i said no and he said take me back or i will kill myself if there is no you in my life whats the point ur the only one i reealy love i still said no then a wk later i got a call saying ty was dead and he left a note saying to call me i was like why me and i got the note a couple days later it said when i die call her first there was my number on his note and i kept reading saying i want her to know i love her i always will evenif im gone that dosent change how i feel and i hope she loves me. ty didnt give me a chance to think it over his brother called and i told him i was fine he invited me to the funeral but i said im not going i know no one excpeet u noone in ur family knew except us

thhe summer before my tenth grade yr was intresting i went to a camp for jrotc at camp peniton california that was the worst wk of my life i wanted to get away from home was all but all i got was yelling marines my anxiety attacks when i got home a couple wks later i found this site this was after i told my friend i felt depressed and suicdal and then i saw this site met amazing ppl to

10 grade was i saw my couselor she did call home and it was down hill form there when i started getting better something came up and made it worse my grandpa died of cancer that yr i was so sad but he is in heaven now
this is wen my mom started contacting me also wanting back in my life i tell myself i do but when it comes to actually telling her i tell her how i feel then say u know what i cant handle u in my life how do i know ur not addicted to drugss still but months later well yesterday now she texted me saying horrible things like die go to hell and more i knew she wasnt sober yet i could tell and now i know i made the right choice in keepin her out

well this isnt every detail but its most of my main life even thou i know there is so much more but there are still things i not ready to accept they happened to me yet




Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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