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Self image - April 6th 2011, 04:11 PM

I have hit a new low on my self image issues and don't know who to talk to.
I have had an eating disorder for about a year now, basically a mixture of binging, bulimia and anorexia mixed together. I had help for it in the beggining of the year but then I seemed to be getting better so no one thought I needed help and now its all coming back but no notices...I feel invisible.
When I walk down the halls at school or any public place I feel like I want to sink down to the ground so no one can see me, I don;t feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel ugly and fat. I feel worthless, I feel like nothing. I feel like a speck of dust.


I have to hold back tears every second of my life because I feel so insecure...I don't even know why because I have been told many times I am pretty, I just feel so worthless...I don't know what to do to gain my self esteem and self confidence back...I used to be very happy and confident and I was known for how secure I was but then all of a sudden its as though everything changed and all I would do is look at magazines of skinny models and I would promise myself that I would be like her one day...I feel like food is poison now, I feel like the only way I can be happy is by being skinnier and prettier than I am now.
I have reached a stage where I am perfectly aware that I have a problem...I just don't know what to do.
I want to be happy again. I want to be able to stay a day without crying in the bathroom at school, and I want to be able to feel better about myself.
Any advice?
please and thank you so much.
   
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Re: Self image - April 7th 2011, 04:44 AM

Praise to you, I know this feeling as if my life depended on it. I am a happy person who doesn't complain much, so people don't see that I nearly starve myself daily. Worthless? Yeah, I guess that why I'm just the "friend" type around school. No to mention I still feel like I'm a burden to even look at because i feel like i'm blinding the real beauty from people. And I'll tell you something, my whole life I've never been called a single ugly word, in fact like you I've been told just the opposite. But i know my body better than they do. I et you in on a secret, I'm XXX pounds. I hate it. I step on that scale and cry. I sit on the bottom of a shower and cry. But when i'm around people, I refuse to let them see my self harm in full view.

But one thing you need to realize is that there is someone out there who is physically incapable of loosing or gaining weight and it has taken health risks on them that they never wanted. By throwing up, your burning the tissue in your esophagus and can damage you for a life time. Whether it's your eyes, your knees, your finger nails or toes, if you look for something to be proud of in yourself, you can find the strength to start a healthy change that will effect every aspect of your life. Love life, family, friends, career. It's all out there waiting for you to find it, hiding in plain sight, all you have to do is take one step in that direction and you CAN make it

Last edited by Gaia; April 9th 2011 at 08:55 AM. Reason: Please do not post weight numbers on TeenHelp
   
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Re: Self image - April 8th 2011, 11:22 PM

Here's my advice: Keep a journal to write down your feelings and what-not. Also, maybe go talk to a counselor or something. Also, in your journal, write down up to 10 things you like about yourself (at least 5 if you cannot think about 10 things). Every morning, when you get up, think about something positive. Every evening, think of about three positive things that happened that day and try to keep going on that list of 10 things. This is what helped me with my self image.
   
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