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Just 1 moment is all I ask.
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: Joshua
Gender: Male
Location: The sunshine state (QLD)

Posts: 19
Join Date: October 12th 2010

So much pressure. - April 8th 2011, 05:26 AM

Hey, I'm Josh, I'm 18 and am currently having an identity crises (more on that later) I don't have a job and I have no will to go back to school.

My father left when I was two, and although last year he contacted me, I just don't know how to accept him back in my life so I don't.

My brother 3 years older than me was severely disabled (Cerebral Palsy) for his entire life until he died when I was 12. I don't believe I have really grieved, but for a few years after that I used it as an excuse successfully to get away with things.

I have two half sibling 1bro 4/1 sis 8, they have a different father than I do he left over 2 1/2 years. Being their only male figure is a lot of pressure as it is. Both of them are smarter and happier than I was at their age.

My mother has helped me aim to become a pilot in the air force most of my life. Getting me to do air force cadets for 2 1/2 years is one example. She had not worked for quite a long time, when my older brother was born she had to quit her job to look after him. When she found out she was pregnant with me she had just been accepted into the air force as an aerial photographer. But was unable to join because she was pregnant. So she set my goals and helped me.

But I don't think she did it right, she is so proud of her officer to be, but I don't see myself getting there.

I have not cried for a long time, but about a week ago I thought to myself how smart and independent my siblings where, and it hit me quite hard that I just started sobbing. I might become nothing more than another person who works. But I have maybe helped my siblings become better people.

I wish I had not thought of it, I now have a small bit of envy towards them.

I don't know what I was hoping for by posting this. And I am sure there is broken sentences, spelling and parts missing. Comment please if you have any advice or a way for me to get motivated again.

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space...'cos there's bugger-all down here on Earth

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
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