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mek89 Offline
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I Just Don't Know Anymore... - April 13th 2011, 11:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, I know my life isn't as bad as some others, but...
I'm rotting away on the inside. It's gotten so bad, I think of killing myself, because I think: What's the point? But then I think: But what's the point of dying?
I feel like a useless piece of junk. My mom thinks I'm a disappointment JUST because I'm not like her. The exact opposite, actually. Irresponsible, messy, and rude at some times. Really, she just... I KNOW she doesn't like me. I can only relate to my dad because he's just like me. But he's never home... He works downstate all week.
I need help. I know I'm depressed, but if I tell my mom she'll just say I'm exagerating and tell me to let it go. The only friend I can talk to is going through so much right now, it's LITERALLY driving her into madness, making her crazy. So I can't talk to her, because I think right now she just needs her space. I don't want to make things worse for her any more than they already are.
I have done self harm, nothing major, I've just scratched myself to the point where it burns. I don't do it because I like feeling the pain, I mostly do it to get attention, my dad's noticed, but all he said was 'I don't like those scratches on your hand' So I stopped. But yeah, I'm so scared of being left out and I don't know why.
Please, I need help. I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Just shows how strong I am, right?
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how.we.operate. Offline
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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore... - April 14th 2011, 07:17 AM

I think you are brave to come here for help. A lot of people go through similar thoughts, even I did. I think that you do need to tell someone so you have someone to talk to and someone to figure things out with. Is there a counselor that you can talk to?
As for your parents, unfortunately there will be parents like that, but maybe you need to have a talk with your mother about how you are who you are and she should love you no matter what. Maybe you should bring up the fact that you feel like she thinks that you are a disappointment.
See if there is someone that you can talk to...I think that keep things bottled up is really eating at you and it is making you feel a lot worse. Instead of SHing, do something productive like write about it. A lot of the time, you start to write and you can't stop because you really want to get it out. Do something you don't normally do-like go on runs or jogs. Start creating things for you to do because SH is never good.
You are very strong, but I think you are at that point where you do need some form of help, so do start to think who you can talk to.
I hope this helps, feel free to PM

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When it's over, and the heart break
And the cracks begin to show

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Noah Zomby Offline
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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore... - April 14th 2011, 08:01 AM

I agree with the person above me. Doing stuff to take your mind off of SH. Walk or jog the pain away. It really helps.

As for your mom, if she's the quick-yeller type, then you just need to tell her to shut up and listen to you. If she's not, then maybe the two of you can actually have a civil conversation about this.

Hope all works out well!

Risk something, take back what's yours.
Say something that you know they might attack you for.
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before.
Like it's stupid standing for, what I'm standing for.

When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.

Your voice is your own, I can't protect it.

You'll have to sing.
A verse no one has ever, known.
Don't be afraid.
Cause no one ever sings, alone.
Love all.
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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore... - April 14th 2011, 10:13 AM

Here is a thread that might help you out.They are alternatives to SH:

SH is no way to treat yourself. You are a strong, independent person. You need to take care of yourself! Do something for yourself. Take time off and have fun. Don't take into consideration what anyone else says.

Anytime you're feeling crappy, do something fun, something that will lighten your mood!

If you don't want to
talk to your mom about it, write to her. Write about how you feel about what she said to you and what it made you feel. It's a better way of expressing how you feel without sputtering in emotion, or trying to find words when all that your mom, or anyone on the other side for that matter just wants to jump at you. She may not react well, at first, but she will consider it. And if she's mad, then, she can only take it out on that piece of paper. Not you.

Hope you feel better
If you need to talk, PM me anytime.
Take care of yourself! <3

~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."

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