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Melancholia. Offline
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It's all I have - April 15th 2011, 12:47 AM

I don't think this is in the right category but I wasn't sure where to put it so move it if needed.

I'm pretty much the biggest baby you will ever see, and any little thing can make me cry. I currently have a 78 in math lab (it's different from regular math, it's the same material but a different class), and it is really upsetting me. I don't have much time to make up the grade and don't even have the class every week. I constantly fail the work I do in math lab even though it is the same stuff I do in regular math, and I think I'm going to pass but I don't. The thing is, I have high standards of myself and when I get below an A I am extremely upset. I have never gotten below a B on my report card (only got a B 8th grade math), and know that I will probably hate myself even more if I get a C. It feels as if grades are the only thing I have, and that without those I'll be just a nobody with no talents or anything. I want to be an infectious disease doctor and have the idea that if I don't always get straight As I will never get into a medical school and will never be successful. I've become less and less confident in myself, too, when I fail the math lab work and now expect to fail. I should probably ask him for help but I always get nervous when asking adults questions. I'd rather sit there and guess. Thing is, getting below an A, and especially below a B, would be the end of the world to me and even now I just want to curl up in a hole and die because I'm probably not going to get straight As and high honors again. There are other factors incolved, too, not just grades, but this is the major trigger right now. It feels like I am nothing without my grades and will have nothing to live for because I am not special besides that, not even pretty. I have only centered on my grades since I was in elementary school even though I was never pressured. I pressured myself, and now that is still hurting me all these years later as a freshman in high school. I already have myself convinced I won't make it anywhere in life and will end up as a nobody.

Sorry that this was long, I just wanted to rant to someone that might actually care. :/
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Re: It's all I have - April 15th 2011, 12:56 AM

Same here, smooth sailing, I hit highschool and next thing you know I'm a total dumbass. I look at it this way, sure my french grade was 72%, and sure math is only 78%, but some kids would be PROUD of those grades. Not only that, but English and Socials were both at 89%. Science is clear at 83%. I mean I try hard, and that's life. Being perfect in everything is impossible. Ocasional failure is inevitable, perfection isn't nessasary for sucess. I plan on going into writing (Journalism, media studies, ect.) so perfect math grades aren't really needed. Find what you want to do and focus on it. The rest is just sugar coating.

- Justin
   
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