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Crescendo Offline
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on vacation, feeling vulnerable - April 19th 2011, 01:01 AM

I'm feeling really suicidal right now, and am afraid i might do something to hurt myself.

I'm on vacation with my parents in a lovely warm sunny place, and I am miserable. My OCD, PTSD, Eating Disorder, and Depression are all acting up. emailed my therapist, not sure why, but havvent heard back. The last time I was on vacation (november 2009) , I tried to jump off a tenth story balcony, but my mom fought against me to drag me inside. This time I am staying on the 8th story of a building, which makes me nervous because I don't think 8 stories is a surefire death, although i'm sure its a pretty likely death.

I have so many things going for me. I am on track to graduate from high school in june, and start at a college I love in august. I'm currently living in a residential / transitional living program which I like a lot and am on pass from. But my parents can't afford to keep me in the program over the summer, and i dont really have friends at home. I'm worried without structure and friends, this is what the summer will be like (although i will have a job and i might take a local college class, i dont think it will be enough) thinking that i might have to deal with this feeling all summer makes me feel so hopeless.

I have so many wonderful things to look forward to, I don't want to be dead, but I can't seem to let go of the desire to end my life. A girl who i knew from my program ended her life in february i think that made the finality of suicide more real. but i still just can't let go. i'm worried i might try something.

When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
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bellabel19 Offline
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Re: on vacation, feeling vulnerable - April 19th 2011, 01:10 AM

Dont do it, please. I'm new on this site, I dont know if you can send private messages, but if you can send me one. I'm here to talk.


Edit: Talk to your parents. Go to wherever they are right now and tell them what you are feeling. Or, if you dont want to, ask to go on a walk. Distract yourself and make sure you are not alone. If they aren't there, call them. Call your best friend. Do something.
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