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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
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I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 20th 2011, 11:53 PM

My mom is majorly depresssed, treats me badly, swears, emotionally abuses me. But I have another thread about that. Today is the worst day of my life. She has been mean to me all day. She was literally walked behind me berating me.

I feel badly about myself already, being told how fat, stupid, and useless I am doesn't help. I know that already, her pointing it out still hurts.

She actually sent my ten year old brother out to hit me today. She told me if I fought back she would shoot me. So I took twelve hits from him.

My twenty three year old sister has been angry and sad lately, and she's been taking it out on me. Everyone else matters, my mom wouldn't leave her yell at anyone else.

My dad is out of town, not comming home for a while.

I'm to the max with my mother. She treats me so badly. I have over thirty posts on another thread about how badly she treats me. She is so cruel and makes the rest of the family cruel to me. I'm not doing good in school, I have no friends, really none.
I'm homeschooled and isolated, I have not one person to turn to.
I'm hyperventaliating. On most days I'm too chicken to kill myself, or I decide I shouldn't. But today is different.

My mom just took her favourite son to soccer. My little brother and her went to soccer. My sister is at work and my dad is still out of town. I'm all alone for the next two hours. I had a massive arguement with my mom telling her I hate how she treats me, how it's abusive and unsafe. She told me to run away and kill myself. And you know what, I want to.

My own mommy hates me. I ca't stop crying now. It hurts to think about it. Ever since I was born my mommy has hateds me. My own mother hates me. She's told me a dozen times, nearly ever day, but I usually just brush it off as her mental illnesses. Today I know she really meant it. I'm not a bad child, I try to be kind, but for some reason she hates me. I never had a mommy, not like the other kids had. My mother is completely gone, she's a monster now. And this monster wants me to kill myself. I'm losing my mind. I want to die. I want to leave, I hate everything about life. My mother hates me. My siblings hate me, my dad is gone too often to even notice, and I have no friends. Everyone hates me and I hate myself.
I'm going to find our rifle, and shoot my fucking brains out.
I hate myself, and my mommy hates me.

- Justin

Edit: The more I think about it, I don't know if I can figure out how to load the rifle, what kind of pills could kill me quickly?



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic

Last edited by NevermindMe; April 21st 2011 at 12:03 AM.
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Bubbly751 Offline
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 21st 2011, 12:05 AM

Justin, don't do that!! Things might be bad now but they will get better. We care about you and don't want you to hurt yourself.


Feel free to PM or VM me

Sh free since 7/10/16

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 21st 2011, 12:09 AM

I've been waiting for eight years for things to get better. Maybe longer, but I only really remember things being terrible since I was five. Things have always been bad, and if it stays like this for another eight years... I can't do it. I want to seek help, but I have no sources.

I mean, I think it's swell you care about me, but I mean my mom doesn't. She never will, and her behaviour if making my brother and sister hate me too. Thank god for my dad. He really is the only person I care about at all anymore.

Do you think child helpline is an option? I want counselling, not to be put on suicide watch, or getting my family torn apart because my mother is unfit. That would just prove I'm too much of an ass to deal with life, and I would screw everything up forever.


- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic

Last edited by NevermindMe; April 21st 2011 at 12:18 AM.
   
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 21st 2011, 12:24 AM

Justin,

Listen to me. Reaching for help in a crisis situation would absolutely not prove anything about how you can't deal with life.

Justin, what your mother is doing is a crime. It's abuse. You don't deserve this. You're not fat, or stupid, or useless. You have a right to be in a safe place with a loving family, and your mother is denying you that right. You might feel like you don't want your family torn apart, but believe me, it will only get worse.

Please don't kill yourself. You deserve better than that.

1-800-4-A-CHILD. Please call it.

Michelle


Hey! You are my sunshine on a rainy day, it's gonna be okay.
   
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 23rd 2011, 03:11 AM

Justin. I know your pain. Talk to me. Please, hon. You're a great person and I enjoy talking to you. You're mom can't be the cause of this. don't let her win. You need to be better and stronger than she is. You are better and stronger than she is. Please PM me, Justin. Hell, if you text, I'll give you my cell and we can talk. You're the best, Justin. You're my role model; you are one of the strongest people I know. I care about you! Don't call a helpline if you don't want to. But at least talk to someone.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 23rd 2011, 04:46 AM

Hey Justin. A hotline or even the police is a good idea. This isn't a safe environment for you, and the best thing you can do is get yourself out of it and into a safer one. Please don't hurt yourself. I'm completely willing to talk about anything. I genuinely care.

Also, needing help is NOT a weakness. Reaching out for help is a STRENGTH, Justin. Don't forget that.


Chris
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last updated on 11/11/17
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 23rd 2011, 04:08 PM

I'm feeling much better now. Sometimes suicidal urges hit me really hard, enough to knock the wind out of me. And then afterwards I wonder what I was thinking. When I get those urges though, it's hard to fight it. Really hard. I promise to PM all of you next time I feel that urge again.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
"Bisexual" Tux (Linux Mascot)
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Re: I hate myself, and I want to kill myself. - April 23rd 2011, 04:40 PM

Okay. I think though you should really get help with this though. There's no reason that you should have to live with being abused, call a helpline or the police. And while you're at it see if there are any resources for counseling near you, it could help you


Chris
You can always contact me to talk about anything!
---------------------
Proud to be myself.

Need a hug? Please take one!

Image Credit: startingover18 (Tumblr)


last updated on 11/11/17
   
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