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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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breathing Offline
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I'm tired of doing this alone. - April 21st 2011, 01:14 PM

For the past couple years, I've had trouble with cutting and bulimia. I feel like the one person who helped me through that is giving up on me, and I'm tired of being up alone all hours of the night, forcing myself to keep the promise that I wouldn't hurt myself.
I've never really talked about the possibility of depression with anyone. It makes me feel foolish and weak.
I'm tired of feeling alone and unhappy. Things that used to make me happy just don't anymore. In fact, there's very little that keeps me smiling now. I miss that.
I feel like giving up. I've given up on so much already (school, art, sports...), and it seems so difficult to get back to where I'm supposed to be. Most days, I think about suicide. And it doesn't scare me to think about it. What scares me is that it doesn't scare me... does that even make sense? I think the only thing keeping me here is the fact that I don't want to hurt my mom. She does so much and I can't tell her ~
The question that's been on my mind is how do I tell my mom that I want help? I don't want to hurt her, which means there are a ton of things I've kept from her. I used to think I could manage without her, but I don't think I can anymore.
And how do I tell him that I feel like he's giving up on me? >_<
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lola jonson Offline
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Re: I'm tired of doing this alone. - April 21st 2011, 01:40 PM

well depression sounds like it could defiantly be going o here. but thats nothing to be ashamed of. it doesnt make you foolish and weak. your mom will want to help you so it os really important that you tell but it sounds like you already know that. if it is too dififuct to tell your mom to her face maybe you could write her a note and then you too could discuss it afterwards and talk about how to get you help. thats what i did, because i was afraid to tell my mom that i was depressed and cutting. but she is your mother and i am sure that she loves you and would want to help you.
in regards to your friend- or boyfriend(you didnt say) just talk to him about how youre feeling , that will be hard but its necessary. tell him that you need him to be there for you but you feel like he isn't. try to be as honest as possible with him and with your mom because tha'ts the only way that you're going to get the help that you need to get better.
good luck

We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
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silentmuffin Offline
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Re: I'm tired of doing this alone. - April 21st 2011, 07:49 PM

You're not weak, and you don't have to face this alone. Your friend is not giving up on you, you just have to realize that your feelings affect them as well, and it's hard to be the helping hand all the time. It's exhausting, and people often start to think that the person they're trying to help isn't working hard enough or is just exaggerating their problems. They just don't understand the impact that depression has on a person, and how it can pull you down further and further, making you think either everyone is against you, or nobody cares at all.

The first thing you have to realize is that THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH. There are many people who care about you and are willing to help. BUT, you do have to put in a whole lot of effort yourself.

Definitely try to talk to your mom about it. Think about what you want to say beforehand. Make sure you're not making it look like you're blaming her for your problems. Moms often get defensive like that, and assume that you're saying it's her fault you're not happy. Reassure her that you're coming to her for help because you trust her, you love her, and you appreciate everything she does for you, NOT because you think it's her responsibility to solve your problems for you. If you go to her and sincerely ask her for help, listen to what she has to say, and be patient even if she starts telling you things you don't want to hear, you will not hurt her. She will be happy that you felt comfortable enough to come to her and tell her something that's really hard for anyone to express.

As for your friend, I wouldn't tell him that you feel abandoned by him. Friendship is a two-way street. Even though you're in a lot of pain yourself right now, make sure you're still there for him, and make sure he knows that. Also, don't make your friendship just about your depression. Talk to him about other things - happy things. That itself might help to alleviate some of your negative feelings. Take the initiative to call him up and ask him to hang out or talk or whatever, don't leave him to be the responsible one all the time. And TELL him how much you appreciate him sticking with you through all this. Let him know that you understand it's hard for him as well. He doesn't want to see you being depressed, it probably makes him unhappy as well, and he feels like he just can't do enough to help. Let him know that his presence does help you, and that you're putting in effort to fix things too.

Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
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