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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Finished - April 21st 2011, 04:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I made a decision a few days ago to commit suicide.
Not anytime soon, however.
I have a trip to Disneyland with my 8th grade class in two weeks, so I decided I'll wait till after that. I also have graduation, two weeks after that. So, I'll wait until after that. I decided a few months into freshman year, October or November, I'll just end it.
I'm sorry. I won't be here for much longer.
   
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Re: Finished - April 21st 2011, 04:53 PM

Hey Kyra, I just wanted to let you know a few things, things that maybe you already know but that may be lost in your emotions right now. Firstly sweeheart, you're only 14. You have SO much life ahead of you. You've only lived about a fifth of your natural life. Honey, you only have one life to live. You have a chance to make the world a better place, find love, learn to be truly happy. Don't give up on yourself babygirl. You've gotta see the world before you decide that there's nothing in it worth sticking around for. You've got a destiny sweetheart. You have everything to live for. You've got hope. You've got potential. You've got time to figure yourself out and change the way your world is right now. Life can change. It happens everyday. If you ever want someone to be around for you to talk to you've got me anytime you want.


Just Keep Breathing
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Finished - April 21st 2011, 04:55 PM

Kyra,

I'm so sorry you feel you have to do this, and I'm sorry things are hard to cope with. Let me assure you though, suicide is not the answer. There are ways to improve life without such a drastic solution, that, really isn't a solution at all.

If you havn't already, I urge you to find someone to talk to about this. No-one here would like to hear that you've had to pass so untimely, so please try to get some help. You obviously have things to live for, so find more, and keep finding more until you find no time in which to fit death. Death will come when it is time, so let it come to you, don't go searching for it. Life is to valuble to throw away.

If you ever want to talk, PM me, because I won't ever turn my back on you. Hang on in there, things can and will get better. <3


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the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Finished - April 21st 2011, 06:19 PM

I'm just so sick of it all! I'm sick of being depressed- I'm tired of all my friends saying they don't get why I'm always hurting. I'm tired of feeling alone! I'm tired of feeling worthless, helpless, useless. I'm sick of the anxiety- I'm tired of that feeling of suffocation creeping up on me at the most random times. I'm tired of feeling like, when I have a panic attack, that I'm going to die from lack of oxygen, that there's something wrong with me, and I'm going to die. I'm sick of skipping meals, because I think I'm too fat to eat. I'm tired of people telling me I'm not fat because I feel like they're just saying it out of pity. I'm tired of dealing with the flashbacks of when I was sexually abused, and how my own brother could do something like that to me, like I didn't matter at all. I'm tired of being shunned and ignored!! I'm just sick of everything this life has given to me. I'm done with it all, and I don't know how else to make it all go away.
   
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Re: Finished - April 21st 2011, 07:28 PM

If you're willing to wait a few weeks for a trip to an amusement park and for graduation, you should be able to wait even longer than that. You've already got some great opportunities and experiences coming up in just a few short weeks. Imagine what more you will have waiting for you after that.

If you're tired of feeling the way that you do, there are other ways to help those feelings go away. And if you've suffered panic attacks before, you know that they're incredibly scary, but that you're not actually going to die, so you don't need to be so afraid.

If you're sick of being ignored, make someone pay attention to you. You may not think you have the power to do that, but you do. Everyone does. It's why we cry as babies, why we show off as kids, why we make friends and have relationships and accomplish goals. Because we want people to notice us. People will notice you if you try. You make yourself think you're invisible by acting invisible, by convincing yourself not to try in the first place because no one will notice anyway. That's not true. Just talk to a friend, a parent, a teacher, a school counselor, anyone. Yell and scream and make a scene if you need to. The fact that you posted here proves you know you're not worthless and that you do want people to pay attention to you. So take that big first step and make it happen. Things will get easier after that.


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Re: Finished - April 21st 2011, 09:19 PM

I wanted to wait, so I have time to get into the "I'm happy, everything's okay" act, and give time for people to believe it, so no one's on my back about it. So no one can see that my time is running out. So no one can tell something's wrong. Disneyland and graduation are some things to wait for, but after that... there's nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, in my eyes.
   
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Re: Finished - April 22nd 2011, 09:41 PM

Kyra,

i know that right now it feels like where you are is where you'll allways be, but i promise you that is NOT true. Being our age (14/15) it's hard. We're too old to play with toys, we're not kids. But yet we're too young to do the things the rest of the world is doing (driving, drinking, voting etc) HOWEVER one day we WILL be able to do those things. Be in charge of our own lives, make decisions for ourselves, decide WHO we want to spend them with.

There is soo much we've yet to see in this world. While its true there are bad parts to it, there are FAR more amazing things to out weigh them (Laughter, love, kindness, friendship) and its all out there i swear.

If people are "on your back" its because they care about you, dont block them out let them help you.

please dont let your past decide your future

message me anytime,

Hannah x
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Re: Finished - April 22nd 2011, 11:01 PM

Hey Kyra,

I'm really sorry to hear you feel this is the only course of action open to you, and to hear of all the things which have led you to this place. I'm not sure if there's anything I can say which will help with any of the specific problems you cite, but what I can say - as someone who was similarly determined to kill himself around your age - is that yes, things probably feel very shit right now and as if they will not get any better, but they can always be better. If they didn't, then put simply I wouldn't be here. It really is that straightforward. You're carrying a lot for someone your age and that is why it no doubt feels better to end it all, but there are people out there and on here who can help you carry that burden and start to look forward to what life can bring - and as Hannah says there is a lot still left to look forward to. I'm 23 now and I'm still discovering new things, and will continue to do so for years to come. None of that would have happened if I'd killed myself. That may be something worth thinking about.
Based on what you've said, I would strongly recommend contacting one of the organisations on the Hotlines page - they are there for moments just like these and they will make time for you. There are also people on here who care about you, as the responses show, and are more than happy to be there for you if you let us. You do not have to face this alone.

Take care.


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However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

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Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
   
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Re: Finished - April 22nd 2011, 11:07 PM

Hey there.

I am really sorry that things are this rough for you right now that you're considering committing suicide. This is such a horrible place to be in and you don't deserve these thoughts or emotions at all.

I know right now things are really hard for you but you saying in a month or so I am going to end it is you giving up. And it's hard not give up when you feel so low but at the end of the day you're the one in control. You have to really try and beat this no matter how hard it gets because things won't always be this way. Things can and they will get better. It's going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of time and effort but you can and will get there.

It sounds like you have things to look forward to so perhaps you can set yourself more goals and things to do in the future to help you have something else to hold on to. Keep on going because you can do this, you really can.

Stay strong.
Jessie.


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Re: Finished - April 22nd 2011, 11:22 PM

It sucks, right? Everything, eight grade, depression, life.
But what would killing yourself acomplish?
Really, what would you acomplish by killing yourselt?
You can't honestly think anyone would be better off without you, you can't really think it would make things better, it won't.
I could begin spouting lines like "Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem" or "Suicide is like running away from your problems!" but really, I think this statistic will be better:
75% of all people who attempt suicide (And survive) are HAPPY they failed. That means 15 out of every 20 people who attempt suicide are happy they didn't die.

I mean, you really don't want to die. If you did you would've killed yourself already.
If you truly wanted to die you wouldn't wait for anything.
This means you have a will to survive, and you must do just that.

I've suffered through hardships, I still am. I've considered suicide only a few days ago, it's too soon to say my thoughts on my final decision to survive, but I really am not regretting it either. Suicide might be the answer, there's a good chance it is, probably a 25% chance that it's right, but this test is A, B, C, D multiple choice.
Really think about that last line. It'll come to you eventually.

- Justin



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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 12:00 AM

Kyra,
Im so very sorry that you would want to end your life so early. I mean 14. Wow thats so young to decide to end your life. Theres so many things to do, goals to meet. Are you sure? I mean you could always see a personal counselor. Your life is too precious to ruin. If you really are in this bad of shape (emotionally speaking) you really need to talk to someone. Any one. Because killing yourself so you dont have to deal with this is not worth it. I promise you sweetheart. Please, just for the sake of our knowing, and your life, please contact a personal counselor. Im sure they will be able to help you with all of your issues. And maybe see a doctor for your moments when you feel like you cant breathe. Maybe having an inhaler will help you.
Please, 14 is way too young to be committing suicide. You have too much life left to live, and I promise you, it will get better ♥ Just keep waiting and it will come sooner or later. If you ever need someone to talk to besides a counselor, you can ALWAYS PM me. I promise ♥♥ Stay Strong Kyra
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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 05:26 PM

Thank you... all of you... I just don't feel like, after five years of struggling with depression (I was 9 years old when it first started-insane, isn't it?) I'm ready to get away from it. I'm on my 5th antidepressant right now... The only one that has made any bit of difference. I'm just scared that it'll last forever... that I'll be sad and down for the rest of my life... My biggest fear is... well, I have very strong desires to become a mother when I'm older. Having kids is my dream. But... I have a family history of depression. My children will probably be genetically disclosed for depression as well as other mental illnesses. And that'll be the worst thing I could ever do. I don't want to live if I'm going to mess up someone else's life- that is, passing this onto my children. My future spouse- how will they "put up" with a mentally ill wife?? Just the... fear... and the pain... makes me just want to get it over with. I don't want to feel this way anymore. 5 years is too long!
   
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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 08:55 PM

I don't know what to do... I'm so confused and so scared...
   
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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 10:01 PM

The most important thing to remember is that although you are in this situation right now and it is very difficult, it is by no means a permanent state of affairs. Having a disposition towards depression does not in itself mean you will always be affected by it - it's more a question of working out what the triggers are and addressing them so that your brain responds to them in a more positive manner. The antidepressants are there only to help stabilise things so that the triggers can be addressed - once that's achieved, you should only need them in exceptional circumstances if you need them at all. How you are now will have no bearing whatsoever upon your ability to be a mother in the future, and if anything it may help if your children start to encounter similar issues as you'll be able to bring your own experience in to support them and help them address any potential triggers. A lot of parents struggle with that as they don't have that awareness of what causes depression, so in some respects you may be on a better position than most. As for potential future spouses, I would imagine it's not a question of "putting up with" you in the slightest - having mental health problems in the past or present does not mean you cannot be loved, and marriages can be subjected to all kinds of health problems which could equally strain them. As with any other situation, your spouse would still love you and support you because in order to get to that stage they'd know you well enough to see you as a person, not an illness. The most important thing is not to let the fact you have depression become how you identify yourself - you are a complete individual person who has the same opportunities and deserves happiness just as much as any other.


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

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RIP Nick
   
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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 10:17 PM

Hey
Im 14 too; lifes tough at our age, i haven't been through nothing compared to you it seems though.
Sometimes when i walk my dog alone, i just want to carry on walking and never come back, like out of a film, and sometimes i want to go to sleep and never wake up.
But then i think, im 14.. not even a quarter of my life has passed. Why am i feeling so down? So depressed, so useless? In a few years, i can say goodbye to this life for good, i can start a new life, get my education, get a job and live my life the way I want to live it.
And you don't even have to wait until a few years to get started, you can start living your life now.
Be positive, look at the good things!
Write a list of anything, and everything in life you are thankful for

Suicide isn't the answer, how can you beat depression if you give in and let it beat you? You can't - keep fighting on, its hard, but it'll be worth it in the end, thats what im doing.
Lou xx
   
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Re: Finished - April 23rd 2011, 11:10 PM

Thanks... it means a lot, it really does.
   
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Re: Finished - April 24th 2011, 12:54 AM

Please dont kill your self your parents would be very sad if you did they seriously never get over it. Your 14 you have got a lot of living to do still and just enjoy it now because by the time you know it you will be in high school. If the antidepressant is making you having suicidal thoughts then tell your doctor or therapist maybe try a diffrent anti depressant that may help you feel less depressed.

Talk to your therapist about how your feeling and try to talk to your therapist more if your feeling down Im sure she cares for you. Please please dont kill yourself we all care here and other great thing s will come like homecomming, prom, graduation and so much more. Take care huggss

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Re: Finished - April 26th 2011, 02:44 PM

There's just no hope for me, none whatsoever. Why not just end it??
   
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Re: Finished - April 26th 2011, 04:51 PM

How do you know there is no hope for you? It might feel like that at the moment because you have felt like this for a while but of course there is hope. But the first step in getting better is believing you can do it and starting to think a bit more positively. If you are negative about everything then it is unlikely to happen. You are only 14 and that is so young to decide to give up and throw away your life. One day things will be different and you will be able to look back and think thank god I didn't give up. You can get to that point but it will take time and effort.

You just have to take each day at a time and try to appreciate the small things. You may wake up feeling really down but try to turn that into a good day by doing something positive for yourself. This could be something so small but it might just lift your mood a little. It sounds like you have got things to look forward to like going to disneyland and graduation. Why give up when you would have achieved so much when you graduate? You can go on to do what you want with your life. You do have options and don't have to give up.

Stay strong, it will get better.


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Re: Finished - April 26th 2011, 06:49 PM

I'm just sick of waiting... we've done everything, or to my mom, we've done everything. In her eyes, she's bending over backwards for me, and I'm an ungrateful little brat who is just doing this for attention and expects a quick fix.
While I say a quick fix would be absolutely great, I am, contrary to popular belief, reasonable, and I know that won't happen.
"Going to counseling isn't enough? You know I have to drive, and pay for it, right?" "Isn't the medication working?" "You seemed better!"
I just hate feeling like this. I don't want to fight anymore.
   
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Re: Finished - April 26th 2011, 10:36 PM

Just ask your mom if she will pay for therapy. Thats a moms job to go all the way for there kids. Dont get so mad with your mom she just is trying to understand you and when you get upset with her then she shuts down. So try talking to her calmy and when she talks listen dont interupt.

Maybe get a pet like a dog or guinea pig that is your responsibility and soon you will love it so much it will be like your child you wont want to die you will live for the dog or whatever pet you get because they need you and you love them.
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Re: Finished - April 28th 2011, 02:44 PM

Even when I don't get upset with her, she shuts down. She just refuses to deal with it, even when its put right in front of her!! She says shes doing everything she can, but in reality, I feel like she's just getting away with the bare minimum.
   
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Re: Finished - April 28th 2011, 03:22 PM

I am sorry you feel like this.. Is there anything that is triggering off you feeling like you want to kill yourself? Have you got any professional help or anyone you can talk too about how you feel? Maybe after you been to Disney Land and graduating you might feel a little better.. PM me anytime..
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Re: Finished - April 29th 2011, 02:50 PM

I doubt that I'll feel better to be honest.
   
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Re: Finished - April 29th 2011, 03:30 PM

Kyra,

A lot of the other posts pretty much cover what I wanted to say. But I do have one thing to say, which I think is very important. Sweetie, you have to WANT to get better. Just saying you have no hope and that you don't think you will be better, is just being negative. Nothing is going to come from this negativity. The pain you're feeling will still hurt you and you will still be bogged down by the way you're feeling. Telling yourself you have to do something also, I guess, is part of getting better, but just telling yourself isn't enough.

You really have to WANT to get better. Otherwise, no matter what you do, you're going to be upset and it's not going to go away. I've been there and I'm just talking from experiences that I've been through and heard of. You need to will yourself to do something. Again, just saying you have to do something isn't going to help. You have to stop saying and start doing. Combining that with the want to get better, things will improve. I'm not guaranteeing immediate recovery. Everything takes time, and you have to be patient and persevere in order to see results.

Reasons for you to live: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/

Like so many of the others have said, you are 14. You're not at an age where you can make such drastic decisions. I thought I was at your age, but clearly, I was wrong, and I don't want you to make the same mistake.

You need to start changing your views. I understand why you don't believe anything will happen, or change, but you need to give yourself that chance to try! Don't give up on yourself. There's a lot more road left for you to travel. Don't cut the journey short. You'll miss the rainbow that comes after the storm! And, you will thank your lucky stars you stuck to that road and didn't give up when you do see that rainbow. We're all here to support you! Don't give up so easy. You've got to show life that you've got more fight in you and that you can make it! Chin up, beautiful. Things will look up! Just hang on tight and have faith in yourself! PM me if you want to talk! <3


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But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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Re: Finished - May 2nd 2011, 02:42 PM

I don't want to get better anymore. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it to end, and that's what I'm going to do.
   
  (#27 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Finished - May 2nd 2011, 11:55 PM

misslonely there will be good days and bad days there will be fun days and boring days you just have to get through them like we all have to just embrace in the fun times like when you go to disney world that will be fun. No need to kill yourself things will change they will not allways be this way.

I like this quote it may help you. "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain."

Again like I said before get a pet. HUGGSS hang in there if you want to email me you can chrissey40@ymail.com
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Re: Finished - May 9th 2011, 02:49 PM

Disneyland was last week... and I got to go.
One milestone down- 9 days till I graduate. After that, I'm on the edge. It could happen anytime after the 18th. I wasn't kidding when I said I made plans. I moved the date up to August because I didn't think a few months into freshman year was acceptable- can't wait that long. I'm sorry, everyone, but I just can't change my mind...
   
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Re: Finished - May 9th 2011, 10:50 PM

misslonely you may have depression which if you do is not your fault. Many people with depression feel the same way you do and think there is no hope but there is depression is treatable. All you have to do is tell some one you have been feeling depressed lately like your mom or your doctor they can get you the help you need and so deserve.

Also maybe ask your mom or someone else to see a therapist they can diagnonse you with depression and put you on meds that will make you feeel so much better. With meds you wont feel like dieing, the pain of depression will go away and you will feel like living again. Also some talk therapy may be good too plus meds. You may have to try many meds before you find the right one for you but if you work with who ever is giving you meds and being honest on how they make you feel then you will find the right med in no time.

Also if you killed your self your parents would be in so much pain seriously they would never get over your loss. Parents NEVER get over the loss of a child it hurts them so much and I know you would not want your parents to go through that so please dont kill yourself.

Like I said depression is treatable and there is hope. Reach out to your mom or a therapist and start doing therapy and getting on some meds. This will help the depression go away and you will feel better. HUGGSS I hope you take my advie.
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Re: Finished - May 10th 2011, 04:15 AM

I just can't find another way out... everything is falling apart...
   
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Re: Finished - May 10th 2011, 02:39 PM

I may not even make it to high school... I start freshman year next year, but I doubt I'll be able to make it through the summer...
   
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Re: Finished - May 10th 2011, 07:09 PM

I am sorry to hear about your struggles Kyra. Depression is something that I just recently got out of. I knew that it could either only get worse or I could do my best to make sure I would feel better soon. I know that for someone like you it might be hard to come to an agreement to try get past this, but you have an ENTIRE life waiting ahead of you. You are the only person who can truly see this because the future is unwritten, only you decide how and when it will come. All of these things were my inspiration to feel better, live a better life, become more open to things such as this. Just look ahead to what you could acomplish and imagine what you could become. There is hope in everything and there is still hope for you my friend. So if you wish to have someone else to talk to, just PM me and I will be more that glad to talk.


"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love" - Albert Einstein


A destination, a fading smile.
Another station, another mile.
Another day gone, I swore that I will.
Be there before dawn.
So be there, I will.
   
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Re: Finished - May 10th 2011, 09:13 PM

I just can't see the hope in life anymore... No one likes me, everyone thinks I'm a freak, repulsive, and disgusting... no one would even care if I died... I'll just do it as soon as school's out. May 21 or 22. I won't have to be in pain during the summer, and I won't even go near freshman year. Sorry...
   
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Re: Finished - May 11th 2011, 12:10 AM

getting a therapist talking to them, talking to your mom, talking to your doctor about your depresion and getting treatment for it is your another way so do it every one can help you but in the end you have to save your self and you can, all you have to do is open up to your mom about how your feeling she would rather know how your feeling then have you dead. Get a therapist and start the road to recovery from depression and start healing.

Your so young right now middle school is hard I know but you will get through it we all have and high school should be a lot more fun with more freedom.
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Re: Finished - May 11th 2011, 07:14 PM

Thanks... I made a decision today to let someone from my past go after almost three years of conflict and dispute. Up until now I hadn't had the strength to do that I feel sad, because I wish I didn't have to do it, but I'm more happy then sad because I no longer have to hurt over this kid. I am free!! I can feel my thoughts of wanting to die decreasing, and although I still feel like I don't want to go on in life, I am slowly gaining the upper hand...
   
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Re: Finished - May 11th 2011, 07:48 PM

Your welcome. Im sorry some one hurt you I have had so many people hurt me it is not easy but really if there being a bully its there promblem not yours. Good keep living you will get through this but I think talking to a therapist still might be good. huggss
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Re: Finished - May 12th 2011, 12:49 PM

Is your mum aware of how bad you have been feeling lately? She might seem like she doesn't care, but she is probably just scared or confused. When I first tried to tell my mum that I was depressed, she laughed at me. Try explaining really clearly and calmly how bad you have been feeling, that your life is in danger and that it hurts when she dismisses your concerns.
   
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Re: Finished - May 12th 2011, 02:45 PM

I have told her that. She promised to be more approachable, but I'm just scared she's gonna put me back in inpatient treatment... Trust me, besides Texas, that is the one place I DONT wanna go back to...

Last edited by oldaccount; May 12th 2011 at 02:45 PM. Reason: Messed up a smiley face
   
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