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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CvcSly3 Offline
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Name: Connor
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: U.S

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Join Date: April 15th 2011

10 years - April 21st 2011, 09:39 PM

It was the last time I was truly happy. My dad decided to stop caring then. We had a great house, friends, all we ever wanted was ours because we had the money, it was the good times. Ever since then and most recently it has been pain for me. Not self harm, not suicide, deep thought; but depresseion or emptiness. My entire life I have and still do struggle to make friends. I've always had a heart, care, and have been extremely nice to pretty much everybody, but nobody seems to know that. The only friends I have have or were in my classes and I got to work, relate to them. I never knew how to make friends besides that aspect. Its only been recently that I realized that people seem to judge me by the way I look. Almost no females feel comfortable talking to me (even though I have been asked out a few times), which is why I have zero female friends. I realized why when numerous people have asked me if I was a stalker or old enough to buy alcohol, drugs (person was not serious when he asked me about the alcohol, drugs) that they used my looks to draw those conclusions. I hang out with the geeky, nerdy kids not by force, but by choice because they most represent me, but no matter how I act around my friends or in general, people always draw the conclusion (when they don't enen know me) that I am something I'm not. This is why I am and have been depressed for a month. I never thought of suicide but it has lingered around a few times.

I don't know what to ask except for,
why? How can people do this and say avoid "this" just because I appear to look like a, as much as I hate to say it but, stalker?

I have cried every time I think about this becuase everything I have tried to do fails, not matter how hard I try and how my friends say that I do to but they defend me in how they would feel the same way, angry and lost. I just want to have self esteem again after I made a stupid mistake to ask some out even though they dont know me (though I introduced myself) and how badly that turned out. Aparently all of this was just another person who judged me when they dont even know me and how she lied just to get away from me. That and this have made me feel terrible. I don't know what to do. Thanks.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heretic Offline
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Re: 10 years - April 24th 2011, 08:41 AM

People (especially teenagers) can be incredible shallow and prejudicial. Some people like to believe that the way a person appears reflects completely on how they behave and what they think. You obviously know that this isn't true, but for people who don't know any better, it just requires some patience.

I was a lot like you when I was in high school. I didn't have any people who I didn't necessarily get along with, but as for actual friends, I found them to be hard to come by. Part of the reason was because I found most of my classmates to be shallow, immature and petty. But another reason was because I specifically believed myself to be different from them. Not necessarily better, just different.

I think you should concentrate more on friends than girls right now, because high school dating itself is unstable, unpredictable, and can lead to heartbreak for the most flimsy, non-transparent reasons. Making friends in high school is all about random connections. If you're able to at least start a conversation with someone, you'll probably be able to get somewhere, even if it isn't to a deep, highly connected friendship. Finding friends is as much about chance and luck as it is about agreement and communication. Every person has people all around them with similar interests or traits; it is up to each person to discover which other people are like that.

You may have heard this before, but if you have I think it bears repeating: If you haven't done so already, join a club at school. Because a school club is specifically focused on a common interest or goal, people with similar personalities are likely to be found there, so it can be easier to find friends. And even if you aren't able to make close friends, you're simultaneously working on something that gives you greater focus on your interests while participating in an activity that, at the very least, can be added to college applications.

There can be a distinct line between feeling depressed and being suicidal, and I think you know that. From what I understand, although suicide has crossed your mind, you haven't held on to the thought as some sort of "solution", which is good. But make sure you're aware of your thoughts nonetheless, because they can stray easily. Almost all actions, mistakes, and motions can be undone to some extent, but suicide is not one of them. Please keep in mind that when in doubt, if you're feeling suicidal, talking to almost anyone can help, even if it means just coming on TeenHelp and coming into the chat room.

Since you say you "hang out" with the geeky/nerdy kids (as you like to call them), you might as well try to interact more with them. Sometimes the smartest kids can be the most outspoken and outcast in a school setting, and you might find that some of them need the social connection just as much as you do. If you aren't comfortable just diving into a discussion, you don't really have to do that. But if you find yourself able to make more comments or ask a few more questions (or, in other words, interject yourself more often), you'll find yourself mixing into the group more strongly. And you can talk about almost anything you you want to talk about; if you're not ready or don't feel a want or need to talk about the deeper aspects of life (emotions and whatnot), then you can avoid bringing up the subject, and remain out of the discussion if it's brought up. One of the greatest things about finding friendship is being presented with the choice of who you interact with and how.


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