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Jellico17 Offline
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Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 20
Join Date: March 31st 2011

it just hurts :( - April 25th 2011, 03:28 PM

I think its coming back again. since year 8 (im in year 10 now) i've been seeing a counselor because she thinks I have anxiety and depression. It comes in bursts. Ill be perfectly fine for months, happy, bubbly, enthusiastic and supportive and then I will feel it creep back again. Every time I think I am stronger. I push at it and fight it and just keep smiling but eventually it leaves me exhausted. It wins because I don't have the strength to fight anymore. And I know I have a lot to fight for and I'm certainly better off than millions in the world and sure my life isn't perfect but its really not that bad! But I just feel hopeless sometimes and there is Nothing I can do about it. I just sit it out and hope it ends soon. Because sometimes, all you can do is breathe. I don't know what it is but I want it gone. I want to stop feeling pathetic, I want to stop having to lean on people, I want to be there for my friends and for myself, Im sick of looking in the mirror and feeling ashamed and disgusted and I want to want to live.
I won't let it win but I'm so scared its back.

no matter how long the night, dawn will break ~ African proverb
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Everglow. Offline
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Name: Hollie
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: London

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Join Date: January 19th 2011

Re: it just hurts :( - April 25th 2011, 08:53 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, and I want you to know that it's brilliant that you have someone you can talk to, and hopefully yur concellor can help you through this. It's also brilliant that you're reaching out to us and asking for help, as asking for help is always a good way to go.

I know you're feeling bad right now, but things will get better. You're not pathetic, and you have no reason to believe you are anything negetive. I think if you keep talking to your councellor about this, he/she will be your best way to get some help. If you ever feel bad, talk about it with someone, even if it's a friend or family member and not your councellor. Just knowing you're not alone can be a comfort to some people, and if you are one of those people, don't feel like you can't talk, because people want to support you. I know sometime you will feel like you're bugging them and you wont want to lean on them, but the fact is that your family and friends will always be happy to help you. They wont mind if you want to talk, I think they'd rather that than you hurt yourself trying to keep it in.

If you ever need some help, remember you can always use the HelpLINK or LiveHelp program to get some advice along with the forums. Also, if you want to talk, feel free to PM me at anytime. I never mind helping someone out, and I'll make sure I answer and help you as best I can. Stay strong, you're not alone with this, okay? You deserve as much as anyone else to smile and be happy, and one day you will be, properly. Don't be scared if it's coming back, simply target it and eliminate it through getting help. I hope you feel happier soon and that I've helped you out a bit here.

Take care and keep smiling.
- Hollie.

A paradox:
The things you donít need to liveó
books, art, cinema, wine, and so onó
are the things you need to live

- Matt Haig

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