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Ella.x Offline
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Name: Ella
Age: 29
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I'm scared - April 26th 2011, 09:05 PM

It's my birthday next wednesday. I will be 20. I've wasted all of my teenage years on depression and self-harm. I have done nothing with my life. 6 years ago if someone told me I would be a cashier and spending my spare time getting drunk on my own, I would have laughed at them. Well just fucking look at me now. I'm on my way towards alcoholism, I'm becoming increasingly self destructive, all I think about is suicide. My moods swings are getting really bad and people are really starting to notice it at work. I want to feel better, but I don't think I deserve it. One minute I'm hyper as fuck and bouncing off the walss, the next minute I'm crying and have to make an effort to stop myself from attempting suicide. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm scared I won't make it till my brithday, but at the same time, I'm excited at the thought of dying and everything being over.
I know I need help, I just don't think someone as disgusting and horrible as me deserves it.
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Palmolive Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I'm scared - April 26th 2011, 09:46 PM

Hey there.

I am going to tell you something. You deserve help just as much as all those other damn people in the world. You're worth just as much as everyone else and you do deserve the best. You deserve the support, that shoulder to cry on, that person to vent to and someone to let in to your deepest secrets.

It sounds like things have been really rough for you and I am really sorry to hear that. You don't deserve to havre to go through this pain. Feeling this way is such a horrible place to be in and can be incredibly hard to get out of and reach out for that support, but that doesn't mean that you can't do it. Reach out. Let someone in because people care about you, they love you and they want to and can help you but only if they know what is going on for you right now. You never ever have to be alone in this.

I know things are hard but you can beat this and reach happiness. Believe in yourself.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Ella.x Offline
I've been here a while
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Name: Ella
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 1,461
Join Date: February 24th 2009

Re: I'm scared - April 26th 2011, 10:20 PM

All my friends are busy with uni and I don't see my care co-ordinator till next friday. I want to go crazy. I'm sick of being borderline normal/fucked up. I would rather be on ethan the other, at least then I would now where I stand. All I want is to be normal and failing that, I want to be dead!
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