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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Yeaterstaters89 Offline
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Post Relapsing - April 27th 2011, 01:25 AM

Hey everyone,
My name is Jess. I am new to this site and came across it when I was looking something up. Well I am 22 now but have been dealing with Depression since I was probably 9 or 10 because of bullying when I was in grade school. Kids would call me fat and everyday in 3rd and 4th grade I would come home crying. I always felt like an outcast and I really couldn't talk to my parents about this cause I was always just so upset. Going into 5th grade I lost the weight and then I started to feel better about myself but then I started to become obsessed with what I would eat and eating too much of it. I would just look at it and say this will make me fat so I can't eat this. This basically took control of me and I didn't know how to deal with it. I never cut cause I was too scared but I would dig my nail into my bones. Like my wrist bone, pelvic bone and ankle bones. I sometimes do it on the cartlidge part of my ear as well. That was how I would release my pain and I still do it to this day. My grandmother died when I was 14 and the depression continued. I recently just got out of a 5year emotional abusive relationship where that part lastedd 4 1/2 years. Back in Oct I finally went to the doctors and was put on depression medicine and anxiety pills. I also had been going to therapy since Oct as well. It's been a rocky last 6 months. I was doing wonderful but now I feel like I am relapsing with the whole food issue. I am not sure what to do
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
I Miss You Offline
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Re: Relapsing - April 27th 2011, 06:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeaterstaters89 View Post
Hey everyone,
My name is Jess. I am new to this site and came across it when I was looking something up. Well I am 22 now but have been dealing with Depression since I was probably 9 or 10 because of bullying when I was in grade school. Kids would call me fat and everyday in 3rd and 4th grade I would come home crying. I always felt like an outcast and I really couldn't talk to my parents about this cause I was always just so upset. Going into 5th grade I lost the weight and then I started to feel better about myself but then I started to become obsessed with what I would eat and eating too much of it. I would just look at it and say this will make me fat so I can't eat this. This basically took control of me and I didn't know how to deal with it. I never cut cause I was too scared but I would dig my nail into my bones. Like my wrist bone, pelvic bone and ankle bones. I sometimes do it on the cartlidge part of my ear as well. That was how I would release my pain and I still do it to this day. My grandmother died when I was 14 and the depression continued. I recently just got out of a 5year emotional abusive relationship where that part lastedd 4 1/2 years. Back in Oct I finally went to the doctors and was put on depression medicine and anxiety pills. I also had been going to therapy since Oct as well. It's been a rocky last 6 months. I was doing wonderful but now I feel like I am relapsing with the whole food issue. I am not sure what to do
hi Jessica..welcome to teen help*big hugs*

i can understand how you feel..i was bullied very badly from 4th to 12 grade.i understand what its like to be a outcast...

do your parents support you?..do they know what has been going on?

just know that you are now part of the teenhelp family...and we are all here to support you in awy way that we can

dont be afriad to pm me if you need a freind to talk to

Drew
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Heretic Offline
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Re: Relapsing - April 27th 2011, 09:16 PM

If you're still in therapy (which I hope you are), and you think that you're relapsing, make sure the therapist knows. While it's unwise and even dangerous to self-diagnose, you are usually the first one to notice that something's wrong, and you should trust your feelings.

Have you been diagnosed with an eating disorder? I can't say for sure, of course, but from what you tell me, it sounds like your eating habits and patterns, combined with your self-image, are directly impacting what, when, and how you eat. Because certain foods contain certain chemicals, hormones and elements, there are foods that can actually boost your mood medium and long term. Other foods can seriously damage the balances you need in your brain. Talking to a nutritionist (or even just your regular doctor) could help you tackle both of these issues simultaneously.

I'm glad to see that you were brave and smart enough to get yourself out of your abusive relationship (and to recognize that it was abusive), even if it went on longer than either of us would have liked it to. I think you're smart enough to recognize what's helpful or kind to you, and what's detrimental and damaging. Even though it didn't work out the way any rational person would have wanted it to, I hope you don't let it scare you away from people in general. While it's best to regain some focus on the other parts of your life before you start dating again, you shouldn't be afraid to talk to and socialize with guys in the meantime. It's not only normal, it's healthy and constructive.

There aren't a whole lot of things you can do about bullying after it's happened, but if you've discussed it with your therapist, that's a very good start. Acceptance and closure on something that difficult is just as important as confronting and overcoming it when it happens.

One final idea/note. If you truly feel you are relapsing severely in any way, you may want to talk to your psychiatrist about your medications. It's possible that you're not on the right dosage or type of medication, and a psychiatrist can help you with that.

Good luck, and of course, if you need something else or have a specific question, send me a private message.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Porcelain Child Offline
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Re: Relapsing - April 28th 2011, 03:37 PM

Relapsing is not a bad thing, you pick yourself up again and try again, don't beat yourself up over it.. I am glad to hear your in therapy maybe telling your therapist about your issues with food and how it has a massive hold over you.. They could give you some support and advice on how to take control back.. Oh and welcome to teen help.. PM me if you need to..
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