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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
VampirePrincess Offline
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Depressed by Lack of Friends and Bad Relationships - May 1st 2011, 08:14 AM

I guess some people are just doomed to be unpopular. It's been this way all my life. I don't know what it is. My personality. Just something about me. Just the other day, I was sitting in class. I told a joke. People looked at me like I was an alien and called me stupid and yelled at me for interrupting their (apparently telepathic) conversation. Then, everyone was talking loudly and someone more popular stood up and told the SAME EXACT JOKE. Everyone laughed and complimented them on being so smart and funny. This happens all the time...I don't understand it. I don't understand it one bit. I'm in college. Upper level classes...aren't we supposed to be past this?

I started talking to a girl in class and we were getting along well. She asked me to go to lunch, and I told her I would love to but I have a class right after this one and can't go, so maybe at a later time. She never spoke to me again. Things like that are also very common. It's not my fault, why does everyone have to decide I'm not good just because I'm busy

I've made very few friends in the past 6 years. One is married and doesn't hang out because she wants to spend time with her husband and daughter. One is very busy with his double major and army duties so we only talk at school. And the other one is in his 40's, he has plenty of free time but doesn't really want to be seen hanging out with a 19 year old, so obviously I don't see him.

The only friends I hang out with are high school friends. The girl that people used to mix me up with all the time because we look like identical twins, and the only other two guys that ever got off at my bus stop. I don't even know how I managed to make those friends.

I can make "classroom only" friends....sometimes. I made them in lab, because I have an outgoing lab partner who likes chatting with people and seems interesting in encouraging me to be social (if people ask us about our projects he pretty much shuts up and forces me to answer). But even him, if I see him outside of lab I get a "wtf are you doing here" sort of look...very contradictory to the "i really care about you" tones i get from him in class. Same way with other "class only" friends.

The only clubs at our school are focused on religion, and I don't belong to any of the religious groups that have clubs. So that's out. I don't have a high enough GPA to join the clubs for my major or other interests, so those are out. I don't have time to do things outside of school, as I take a very full load of credits and work 20 hours a week. And I hate to say it. Even when I go out there and try to socialize with people, I can't make friends. No one wants to talk to me. I've even gone so far as to actually make myself look nice, someone i had given up on long ago because i used to get beaten up at school and never wanted to ruin my nice clothes. I've made an effort to talk to people in my classes and well...I've told you what happens.

Maybe some part of my brain is missing...the part that processes human behavior when attempting to make friends. No matter what I do, no matter what I try to make my first impression...the only people that like me are employers. I mean, yes that is a good thing. If I can only have one, I wouldn't trade. But I still get a sharp sense of not being friendship material, which tears me apart.

Along that same line, I'm also not relationship material. I haven't had a guy flirt with me in three years, unless you count the creep at least 5 times my age that attempted to pick me up at a buffet. The boyfriend I have now, I'm going to break up with him. He's depressed all the time. He never smiles. He never laughs. And I avoid him as much as possible because being around him makes me feel worse. Of course I don't want him crying outside my classrooms where everyone can see him, nor do I want him to fail his finals from depression (though he might do that anyway) so I'm waiting for an extra 2 weeks to break up with him. But my situation depresses me, I'm afraid I'm going to pick up another loser guy to make me feel special after I dump him, just so I'm not so alone.

I can't even find people to talk to on the internet anymore.I post, I get ignored...not talking about here by the way, talking about some other sites I'm on. But I think even here, sometimes....maybe during my more active times. People see my username and go "wow, i hate that person" and don't help me. I keep switching sites and account names to try and make friends and it doesn't work. People just find me repulsive.

So...am I? I mean, obviously a depressed state of mind is not the best way to judge a person, but can you see anything about me thats an instant people repellent? The people that hate me, well...they don't usually feel like sharing.

Thanks guys...off to go torture myself by sending a few emails and see if anyone responds. Wish me luck.


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Re: Depressed by Lack of Friends and Bad Relationships - May 1st 2011, 12:16 PM

Hey Christine. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I just want to let you know that here at TH we're all here for you.

I know this might seem hard, but try and talk to people more. I mean, like the girl who asked you to lunch. Go out of your way and ask her to lunch. If she responds negatively, at least you tried.

I haven't got much advice other than that because I know how difficult it is to struggle with friendships and I haven't found a method that works yet. However, just remember that school, college, whatever, doesn't last forever.

If you're feeling depressed, make an appointment with your doctor or a counselor.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Just drop me a PM.

Hester. x


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Re: Depressed by Lack of Friends and Bad Relationships - May 1st 2011, 07:20 PM

I'm on your side here. We all are.

Firstly, maybe your standards are too high. For instance my idea of a friend is someone who you could tell anything to, and trust them to keep any kind of secret. Someone you could hand a loaded gun to, leave them aim it at you, and you have no fear of them hurting you. Someone who never laughs at you, and someone you can laugh with. To most someone like that is a best friend. Maybe you don't consider people friends easily.

People your age are shy, and unsure of themselves. They're adults now, barely. You're probably more mature than them, and don't feel shy. That means you should go on the offensive and simply shove yourself onto other people. Send them three emails a day if they don't respond, force friendships. Eventually someone will honestly be your friend.

I understand being unfavoured for someone "Cooler" it happens all of the time.
Me: "Two blondes walk into a pub, one of them should've seen it."
*Crickets chirp*

Other kid: "Two blondes walked into a post! HAHAHAHA!"
*Laughs ensue*

That's life for you. Popular people will be favoured, even if they aren't as smart, funny, or nice as you. It's rough. Yet it's something you need to live with.

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