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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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NevermindMe Offline
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Unhappy FML. - May 2nd 2011, 03:15 AM

I've mentioned it enough, and it's no seceret that my mother is really severely depressed. You probably are familair with the fact that I have low self esteem, suffer from depression and I have ocasional suicidal thoughts.

Anyway tonight my mother and I had a major falling out. I made diner, which she complained about. I make desert which she complained about. Then as I was still cleaning the kitchen she walked in to see a bunch of dishes still left. She seemed to think I was done cleaning when I was about to leave the kitchen for more dish soap (Despite the fact I was still cleaning when she enetered the kitchen) and became angered by the fact there was still a mess. She stated shouting
"I hate you! I wish you would die! I always say things, but this time I mean it! I hate you!"
I simply made my face as cold as I could and replied in a cold tone:
"Our feelings are mutual mother. I hate myself and wish I could die."
She proceeded by:
"Liar! You're too much of a *Explicit content* to do anything like that. You're a pitiful liar!"

And you know what. I'm not a liar. I don't lie to people. She'll never believe me, but if I were to kill myself she would know I'm not a liar, and I never was.

I could imagine the graveyard on a frozen winter day. A few inches snow linger on the ground as more gently falls through the thick morning fog. A simple grave with wilted flowers left by friend who had already forgotten the child sitting in the grave. Only a few feet down his body lays to rot. On the grave there is simply one word. "Liar" spelt out in large lettering. His mother brought him into this word, and that is what she knew him by. Now the world would only know him by this title. There his bones would sit until the world itself burnt.

I've never had a nuturing mother, my father is working out of town like always, my sister is out of the house still arranging apartments for lawschool and my little brother is only ten. I live away from civilization, hidden away from friends. In the woods I have discovered a few brave locals who have ventured quite far away from their homes in order to find me. I have met a few people who I talk to every few weeks. I have found a radio to hear an adult voice that isn't angry at me all the time. I've came up with a coping system and yet I still feel beaten. I feel tired, I feel like I cannot trudge through another pointless day. I feel suicidal only twice a month usually. I do not self harm, but I still feel like I fight for my life often. It seems unfair I should have to do the same homework as anyone else. It seems unfair I have the same amount of time to study for tests. It seems unfair that even if my mother has told me how much she hates me that I still have to take a test online only ten minutes later.
I can't tell anyone. No one would believe a "Lair" like me. Even if they did believe me, I would be placed on suicide watch, or in an institute. My family would be checked throughly, it would change alot.

My mom has looked for help, she one medication, but for suicide, not for her cruel, angry and paranoid depressive episodes. She cannot take more medication because of the suicide medications dosages. She cannot get help so seeking it for my family would be pointless anyway.

- Justin the "liar"



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Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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Re: FML. - May 2nd 2011, 05:26 PM

I am a liar. I changed my mind last second and that's something my mom will never leave me live down now. She's done nothing but call me a liar. I'm going to kill myself in front of her. Right in front of her.

I needed help with school today. I asked her for help, she was about to help me, and just to be an ass my brother started saying he needed help too. My mom turned right away from me to help him. She always helps RJ first. She spends twenty dollars on a new pair of shoes for me every four months and I never hear the end of it. RJ can't even fucking talk and she puts down $150 a month for speech therapy.
"Wook at dat wittle wabbit" is how he says "Look at that little rabbit"
I mean sure help him out, I have no problem. Yet she does that without thinking twice and yet to help me out once in a while I never ever hear the end of it.
If he writes four sentences in a row wil only six spelling mistakes she fricking gives him money. I have actually written entire novels on my own that she never even bothers to read.
I must be boring. I mean she's angry and depressive, but sometimes she isn't, today is one of those days where she seems somewhat human. Not nice but human. And yet she's busy helping my sister choose an apartment and giving her thousands of dollars to "Get set up" she drops at least $500 dollars a month on my brother's clothes and activities. I get very little. I mean my sister is exciting because she's moving out. My brother is cute because he's "The baby" and I'm just me. The whippin' boy 'round here.

I think the main reason I'm not dead yet is a moral obligation to our three dogs. I'm the only one who trainst them, takes care of them, gives the sick dog medication, ect. I would feel bad for the little guys if no one would take car of them. I know they would miss me. Even if no one else would.

I'm not going to even think "Everyone would be better off without me" but in truth I would be better off without everyone else. I know it's stupid but when my mother hates me and my father shows more interest in the other kids, it's hard.

School is so frickin' hard and yet I still have to work at it and help myself. If anyone could help with grade 8 science/math I would be apreciative. PM me if you're pretty good with math or science, because I could just use some help double checking some of my answers.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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NevermindMe Offline
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Re: FML. - May 3rd 2011, 01:03 AM

My mom has been following me around waiting for me to screw something up so she could yell at me. I spilt a glass of water a moment ago and she shouted at me. She called me a "Screw up" and I told her "You have no right to talk to me like that." she simply screamed at me, grabbed a plate and smashed it over my head. I have a lump on my head (I forget the medical term for it.) could this count as assault with weapon? Am I being pyschically abused? Things like that don't happen often, it's usually more emotion or verbal. It didn't pyschically hurt that much, but I'm crying right now. I feel terrilbe. Should I fight back, I could've caught her arm to protect myself but whenever I do she threatens to shoot me or kick me out. She argues her hitting me is "Parenting not abuse" is this true? Do parents in Canada have the right to harm their children if the damage is not permnant? Does there need to be a fequency in attacks? Is the child aloud to defend hisself?

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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NevermindMe Offline
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Re: FML. - May 3rd 2011, 01:17 AM

I just did an internet search, what she did is very much illegal. For one hitting a child in the head is against the law, and hitting them with any kind of solid object is as well. If she ever hits me again I will show her these laws, and if it happens an additional time after that, I will act on them by phoning the police. I have had it with being a victim.


- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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