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LetItBe4Sanity Offline
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Name: Jessica
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Unhappy I'm facing my worst fear. - May 8th 2011, 04:48 AM

In the past, if anyone ever asked what my biggest fear was, I'd say it was to be alone. Some may think it cheesy, but its true. And I'm facing that right now.

I got in a relationship with a guy 2 1/2 years ago. None of my friends liked him, nor did my family. My mother ended up kicking me out of the house, and I moved in with him, and I lost all my friends.

We had a REALLY bumpy relationship. Sometimes we were so cute and romantic together, I felt so happy... but then the next thing I'd know, we'd be fighting like no other... and our fights were nightmarish.

I ended up moving out last July, and moved back in with my mom. I tried reconnecting with my friends, but they were long gone. In October, my boyfriend had a psychotic break and was in the hospital for a full month. I came to visit him more than any of his family did, and I was there with him through the entire thing even though I felt extremely upset, angry, and sad. I was going through helping him all alone. He was diagnosed as Bipolar I, but they ended up taking him off his medication around February.

Since he has gotten out, he's constantly denied that he had a problem. He blames the doctors, and everytime it comes up in conversation, it starts a huge fight. I'm still really scarred from that experience, and I feel like I need to talk about it sometimes, but I have no one to talk to about it.

The last month or so I've been feeling incredibly depressed and alone. Like... crying at the drop of a hat. I've completely lost my libido, my happiness. I even feel unhappy when I'm with him, and many times I end up leaving upset.

A couple of days ago, I told him I couldn't do this anymore. It ended in a huge fight. I told him I didn't think we could be friends, because we're both very jealous. But he was all I had...

And now I'm all alone.

All I feel like doing is crying, but I don't even have the energy to cry. All I want is a huge frickin hug, but I don't have anyone to give that to me.

Where do I go from here?
   
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Re: I'm facing my worst fear. - May 8th 2011, 04:59 AM

Hey, im sorry your feeling so lonely. Break ups suck..and i cant even imagine one after 21/2 years. From what u said...id say you made the right choice in leaving him. It dosent sound like that was a healthy relationship if you guys fought so much. As for making friends and stuff.. well do u go to school? is there a chance of making friends there? if no school, then maybe u can join a sport or a club ur city offers. Then u can meet ppl with similar intrests? Well if ur old friends wont acknowledge u...then ur better off without them anyways. A true friend will stick by you no matter what. Anyways, i hope you feel better soon. Feel free to talk to me anytime i can use a new friend. *huge frickin hug*


"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
   
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Re: I'm facing my worst fear. - May 8th 2011, 04:59 AM

Consider getting back with your boy friend. Trying to convince him he`s bipolar when he`s in denial is probably a no-no. Maybe you should ask him to do an experiment. Ask him to go back on his meds for a couple of months, have him wright down how he feels when he`s on them, then have him try going off them and let him decide whether he feels a difference. Let him make the decision for himself and don`t keep bringing up the subject. Know what I`m trying to say? Maybe once he calms down about the whole thing he might be willing to listen a bit. Take baby-steps.
   
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