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Millarw12 Offline
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What's going on? - May 8th 2011, 12:50 PM

I'm sorry I don't have anywhere else to vent about this, and be prepared it's a long one. Sorry

I try so hard to keep everything ok. I do what ever mum asks me to do around the house, then I do stuff without her asking, yet she still complains, she still gets stressed and angry. I keep things good between me and my brother, I force myself to tolerate my sister, I go to work and try and keep things good there.

I go to school with a big smile, so full of energy, I listen to everyone's problems and I help them out as much as I can. I even gave my friend money to help him get by because of the financial stress they're in, even though that broke into my bank account I'm not supposed to draw from :/

It seems like I'm genuinely happy.
Until I'm alone. I get so upset. I don't know what I do to make mum so angry..
I miss my best friend so much, I still can't get over the shock of her not being here any more. Its almost been 2 and a half years and I'm still expecting her to walk through my front door with her mum and everything will be fine again.

I hate being alone in my head. I can't do this anymore. I feel so guilty all the time and I don't even know why. It's caused me to start forcing myself to throw up again, and school starts up again tomorrow so its only going to get worse

I don't know I just feel so trapped and alone, and I don't want to tell my friends. I don't know why either, but I don't think I want them to see how vulnerable and broken I am.


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
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Everglow. Offline
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Re: What's going on? - May 8th 2011, 04:51 PM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I know it's hard coping with emotion, especially when things aren't nice at home. Have you tried talking to your family about this? Your mum might not understand how upset you're getting over things, and bottling it up will only make it worse. Your parents would not want you to be going through this on your own, as a mother she'd want you to trust her and confide in her. It will help you to talk to someone.

I know it's hard to open up and talk, but no-one will see you as weak. In fact I think if you do, you'll be stronger than you think. If you spoke to someone you trust it might comfort you a bit. Being alone isn't nice, I know.

PM me if you ever want to talk. I'll try my best to help you out in whatever way I can.

Take care of yourself, and remember to smile!
Hollie.


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As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
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Re: What's going on? - May 8th 2011, 06:38 PM

Firstly, don't be sorry it's a hard thing to do writing andposting this and you should proud of yourself

It sounds as if you are going through a rough time right now. You don't deserve this and i am sorry that you have to go through it.

Your mom only moans because she cares and wants the best for you. I am sure that if she realised how upset it wasmaking you she would stop. Could you maybe talk to her?

As for helping your friends i think its amazing that you want to do this, but sometimes you have to put yourself first. Could you talk to onw of your friends about how you are feeling so they can be there for you? I know its hard to but they would just want to help.

You can always pm/vm me if you ever want to talk. You don't have to do this alone. I am always here for you <3


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