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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
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Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

This is my end.... - May 9th 2011, 09:04 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've never known such pain. Who knew this feeling existed. I hurt in a way that I have never felt. My dad acts like he doesn't want me, my mom makes me guilty and I feel guilty. I've let everyone down, but I always had my best friends. They were my world. They're gone now too. They moved on and even said that. My boyfriend meant everything to me and more. It hurt when I couldn't be with him even for a short period of time. He made me stop cutting, he made me feel better and I started to believe again that there was hope in the future and no matter how much I cried and hurt, I kept going because there was someone who wasn't going to leave me.

Today he lied. He always lied. He stole once before and told me he'd never do it again. He did all kinds of bad things, but I thought he stopped for me. Today, I dropped him off at a store before heading home and he showed me his money and told me he promised that he wouldn't do anything bad. He loved me and he would be good because I was being good for him. I've forgiven him so many times for so many things, but where should I draw the line? I've been betrayed enough times, left behind, and hurt. I'm done. This is where I end. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry I couldn't be stronger for you guys. Too much has happened and there is this pain that is eating me alive. I already haven't eaten in two days because I guess my body knew what was coming.

I have learned that everyone changes over time and things don't last. They change all the time and we either have to change with it or get left behind. People are who they are, and even though on the outside they may seem to have changed, but deep down they are the same person that they always have been and always will. You are you.

Again, I'm so sorry.

I only listen to rock songs, but this song I listened to when I was little. And the lyrics seem perfect for right now.

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
hidmemory Offline
Average Joe
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Name: Hid
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Eastern U.S.

Posts: 107
Join Date: October 2nd 2009

Re: This is my end.... - May 9th 2011, 09:21 PM

Don't commit suicide, what good would that do? Just make everyone around you upset. Have you called a suicide hotline? I really think you should, they can help you!

I gots...

Huggles for yuz!!!
  Send a message via MSN to hidmemory  
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