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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
colie18 Offline
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Unhappy Why? - May 22nd 2011, 08:49 AM

Why is it that no one can tell?
Is it because I have a really good facade?
No one sees that I have had an anorexia problem and partially still do.
No one sees that I used to cut even thought they don't see the scars.
No one sees my depression because of all the symptoms I currently have:

-Loss of Appetite
-Sadness or hopelessness
-Loss of interests and activities
-Change of sleeping habits
-Restlessness and agitation
-Feelings of worthlessness
-Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
-Fatigue or lack of energy
-Difficulty concentrating

I currently have the bolded ones.

No one sees that I cry to sleep every night.
How about the fact that I don't sleep anymore because I can't its called insomnia.
No one sees that I am hurting all inside.
No one sees that I sometimes think of committing suicide.
No one sees how much I really hate myself.

I know that people hate me its not hard to tell but why do they still put up with me instead of just telling me right to the face.

People call me everything under the sun from idiot to a down right heartless shady bitch.

People have physically hurt me because they think its okay. I have been punched, kicked, spit at, thrown, burned, hit on top of the head, hair pulled, ignored. Its nothing new so just tell me to my face instead of icing the damn cake because in the end it just hurts a hell of a lot more.

I think from now on, I will just stay silent because then I won't hurt anyone. I am sorry if that doesn't make me a good friend but a bitch but either way I don't fucking win.

The funny part of all of this is that its not friends that do this because really I don't have friends i just have fake ass people who act as my friends. Most of this comes from my family. I am quiet then i begin to talk and from then I am told to stop talking.

My facade has become the real me and I am sorry for that, but now you know what made me..."me"

Sorry guys I just really needed to vent.


Love is Love it has no boundaries!
Got a Question? PM/VM me or go to my formspring and ask there: http://www.formspring.me/colie18
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"Everyone sees who I appear to be, but only a few know the real me. You only see what I choose to show, there's so much behind this smile… you don't even know"

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Re: Why? - May 22nd 2011, 07:30 PM

Aw, im sorry Try ignoring them as hard as it is. Walk away and tell a teacher, or maybe try switching schools or getting into a new environment.

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Re: Why? - May 23rd 2011, 11:29 PM

I'm sorry... I know how it feels to not have people notice, but if you do want help, sometimes you have to look for it a little bit

Find someone to confide in, someone that you can tell everything to. If you need, you can PM me anytime, I'm always here to help.

Things will get better I promise you that. <3
   
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Re: Why? - May 24th 2011, 12:39 AM

i know exactly how u feel hun not many ppl notice the sypmtoms u do have arent noticable as some mine arent the noticalbe ones so noone believes me but u may have to reach out to someone to get someone to help u out there feel free to pm alright




Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

I’m catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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Heretic Offline
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Re: Why? - May 24th 2011, 06:32 AM

Sometimes those of us who hurt the most are able to hide it the best. You don't want people to misinterpret your thoughts or feelings, so you hide or ignore them because you think everyone else will be happier if you appear happier for them.

I was in the same place as you once. No one knew how I really felt. I was afraid that I'd be judged for it, told that I need to just suck it up and carry on. But it doesn't work like that. When my friends found out, almost all of them were supportive and understanding, and to the ones who weren't, I simply ended my friendship with them.

You can't choose how you feel or why. There is nothing to be ashamed of in your feelings, and in time, you're discover there's nothing to fear in it either. You can beat this. Maybe you need some help in beating it, but I think you're pretty strong. I think you can do it.

Talk to people. Anyone who you think you can trust, on any level, in any way. If you don't feel comfortable saying the "whole" story, then just explain what you feel comfortable in saying. But as long as you're able to talk about something, anything, you can feel some of the weight of the world being lifted. Give it a try.

And you said in your post that you just needed to vent. Do it. Vent all you want to. It's healthy, it's productive and it's natural. The longer you hold things up, the more painful it will be when they're released.

PM me any time.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
colie18 Offline
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Re: Why? - May 24th 2011, 07:04 AM

The fact is I can't trust anyone at all because every time i trust someone they push me away or leave and I am already broken in so many pieces I can't bear it anymore because it hurts wayy to much.


Love is Love it has no boundaries!
Got a Question? PM/VM me or go to my formspring and ask there: http://www.formspring.me/colie18
Ask Me Anything!!! I promise I don't bite and I will answer honestly!!!

Want to know more about me and how who I really am? Visit my personal blog http://www.butterfliesinmybellyy.tumblr.com

"Everyone sees who I appear to be, but only a few know the real me. You only see what I choose to show, there's so much behind this smile… you don't even know"

LHO/Social Networking Staff Member/HelpLink Mentor
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