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Ishimura Offline
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Lonliness... - May 23rd 2011, 01:22 PM

Hi, I guess I'm new here but this may be my only post. I think I just need to write about things; of course I'll read anything anyone replies but I don't think there's much that can be said to help.

I'm 20 years old and on my way to a degree, go me. But I've been alone for so long that it's getting pretty hard. When I say alone I don't mean not dating anyone, I mean fully alone. It feels weird.

In school I had a few good freinds who I spent every minute of every day with, but I didn't really want them at the time because I enjoyed spending time alone. In college I had none, it was the worst two years of my life because I didn't say a word through class either. Now in university I speak in class and join in with jokes, but I don't have any friends. For the past 4 years I've met up with friends about once every 3 months. 3 months on my own, in a room, is that not the definition of prison? I say friends, but I go 6 months without seeing some of them so maybe that isn't the right word.

The thing is, the lonliness is really getting the better of me. It almost feels like I'm having a small anxiety attack all the time; it feels like I can't breathe properly, like my lungs can't take in enough oxygen. That sounds stupid, but a small anxiety attack is the best way I can explain it. I feel like crying all the time but it doesnt happen, I just sigh a lot.

The good part of this is that when I can focus and ignore the pain, I can get 2000 words of an assignment finished in a day! That's a great silver lining, but so not worth it!

I used to self harm through college, but even that has lost meaning. I've become apathetic toward everything - I feel no emotion toward anything expect the pain from being alone all the time.

Maybe some of you will understand what I mean, and thanks to anyone who reads this! But I really just needed to get these words out of my head.
   
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Re: Lonliness... - May 23rd 2011, 08:55 PM

Hey,

Firstly, I wanted to say welcome to Teenhelp I am glad you have joined and hopefully you will be able to get the help and support you need. You have done the right thing to post this and get out your feelings.

You are never alone here there is always someone who wants to help so feel free to post whenever you need to. It must be awful for you to spend so much time alone. I am at uni and where I live the people are pretty unsociable, which makes it hard at times because I feel so alone. But I guess I just try and keep myself busy and I do have other friends. Could you not talk to people on your course more? Then you could arrange to meet up and do things with them. You could try joining some clubs and other things because that is a good way to meet people.

Stay strong.


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