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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 10:32 AM

So I wasn't really sure where to post, but I know that I am definitely depressed.
I am so upset and can't stop crying.
I am so upset because I think my 13 year old niece is being sexually abused by her mom's boyfriend, and so does the rest of my family.
The three of them lived with me and my mom for about 5 months, but moved out a month ago. Maybe about 3 months ago, my sister got a new job and she would have to leave every week and only come home on the weekends. On the days she was gone, my niece would sleep in the same bed with her mom's boyfriend. It really bothered me because I was sexually abused when I was younger. There is no reason that a 13 year old girl should be sleeping in the same bed with a 42 year old man. It just disgusts me.
I asked my niece about it and told her that it made me feel uncomfortable. She just got very angry at me and didn't want to talk to me. She is showing so many signs that I showed when I was being sexually abused.
It makes me so upset because I think something inappropriate is going on, but I can't prove it. And today, my grandpa, my step-dad and my brother called my sister and told her that that's what we thought was going on, instead of even thinking about it or considering it, she just said that her whole family is against her.
Ugh! This is so frustrating and I don't know what to do anymore! I've been crying all day. This is just really upsetting.
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 10:43 AM

Ugh now I am so pissed off. After reading this I realized that I shouldn't have even posted it! WTF is wrong with me!
After reading this I realized that it looks like I'm trying to feel bad for myself, but I so am not. Yes I am upset and depressed and frustrated, but it's just because i want to help my niece and I really don't know how to.
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 01:06 PM

If you think your niece is being sexually abused why not contact the police or social services and let them know ? and then they can talk to your niece ect and find out what is exactly going on ??



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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 05:54 PM

That's horrible. Does your neice know that you were sexually abused? Maybe if she realises that you went through the same thing, she might talk to you about it?
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 05:56 PM

If you have ANY suspicion at all, report it. I would have KILLED for someone to report my stepdad when they suspected it.


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 09:24 PM

The one thing I worry about in reporting it is What if I'm wrong? My mom and I are trying our best right now to get my niece to come stay with us, but my sister is not letting her. My sister has pretty much run away from the whole family and no one knows where she is. We only have contact with her over the phone.
And yes, my niece does know about what happened to me. I've tried talking to her about something Possibly happening between her and her mom's boyfriend but she denies it and just gets very angry. It worries me so much because that's exactly what I did when it was happening to me.
What would happen if I say tried to contact the police or CPS, but I was wrong?
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 29th 2011, 10:01 PM

If your are right, and you didn't report, it, im sure you would 100000x times worse than if you were wrong and did report it.
Reporting it is the right thing to do.


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 31st 2011, 06:24 AM

I think that you should definitely report it, everyone already knows that you guys suspect it obviously, so simply making sure that it is or isn't happening will help everyone in the situation I think.
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 31st 2011, 07:50 AM

Thanks for the advise. I was a little iffy about reporting it, cuz I thought I could talk to my sister first. But Ive now realized that everyone in my family has talked to her about it and she is denying that her boyfriend is doing anything wrong. She's now moving with her boyfriend hundreds of miles away and taking my niece too.

My one concern is what would happen if I do report it, but I'm wrong?
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 31st 2011, 08:57 AM

When you call to report it, tell them that you SUSPECT it, but aren't entirely sure. Explain that she's showing the same signs a sexually abused child would, but you don't have proof. They can start looking into it and it keeps you from getting in trouble for false allegations.


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 31st 2011, 12:09 PM

Hey
I'm sorry to hear about what you think's going on.
The police would take any reports of child abuse very seriously. If you ring the police it may be possible to report your concerns anonymously or there may be other organisations that you could speak to about what's going on.
Like Emily has said, you could explain that you have no evidence but tell them about what's been happening and see what they say. I do think that reporting it is a good idea and you're being really mature and responsible by taking things seriously.
Could you speak to your parents about it again and try to figure out something between all of you? Also, how's your relationship with your niece? You said you've already tried to speak to her but do you think it would be possible to try again? Maybe if you explained that you're worried about her and that you want to make sure she's okay and let her know that she can come to talk to you and you can try to help her. She may be worried about what would happen if she did talk to you, so maybe try to reassure her that thing's can get better.

I can understand that this must be really hard for you, particularly because of what you've been through in the past. If you want to talk about it then let me know.
I hope you're okay,
Take care,
Vicky



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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - May 31st 2011, 02:59 PM

I think based on the knowledge that she is 13 and sharing a bed with a 42 man, its not right. Even if he isn't doing anymore than sleeping in a bed with her, you should definitely report it. The rest of your family sound suspicious and that I think that confirms your thoughts. Your niece may not feel comfortable talking about it now, but she sounds like she needs some help.
Best of luck.
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 1st 2011, 08:35 AM

Hannah, thank you for posting this, it shows you trust us and our opinions with very private/serious matters, so don't regret it.

I know it's going to be very tough, but I really do think you should report it. You don't have to go straight to the police; you can talk to a social worker/teacher/councilor/etc.

I know this may seem like bad info, but why don't you try investigating yourself? Does she invite you over a lot? Look for marks on your niece and unusual behavior/behavior you can relate to. Maybe the guy has a history/criminal record? Just don't get yourself into trouble or take it to another level. If you feel like you are violating any rights, please stop and just tell the police.

Good luck, Carpe Diem.


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 1st 2011, 10:30 AM

If you are wrong, you are wrong. But if you are right you niece gets helped by you reporting it. I would report if, and if you are wrong you are wrong, but if you have reasons to believe she is being sexually abused I would report it.



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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 2nd 2011, 08:04 PM

Thanks for all the advice and support.
I just found out this morning that my brother and his wife reported it to CPS. So now we wait to see what happens. I really hope for my niece's sake that nothing is going on, but if something is, I really hope they find out so she can live in a safe home with the rest of her family.
Either way though, I think there will be a bad outcome. Either she is being sexually abused and she will have to live with the memories for the rest of her life, or I'm wrong and I'll never get to see her again.
   
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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 3rd 2011, 06:57 AM

I think you should start inviting your nice to stay the night with you just her and you. After you guys start talking ask her about it and try to get the trutj then you guys could talk to her mom together. Just a suggestion. Hope you get this figured out, good luck to you and your family.


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 3rd 2011, 06:59 AM

oh, I just read that it was reported. Still, I wish you the best!


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Re: I think my niece is being sexually abused. :( - June 3rd 2011, 07:08 AM

Thanks. I really wish I could have had the chance to invite her over and talk about it though. But I hope it all gets worked out and that in the end she is safe.
The social worker from CPS is going to her school tomorrow and we're all not quite sure what's going to happen. But almost my whole family is going to be at the school tomorrow anyway, so we'll get to be there for her if she needs us.
   
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